tout était beau...
so often i go so long without feeling anything. i will medicate myself with business, or television, or distraction, or alcohol, or sarcasm, the list goes on. but its all to mask the fact that i have not truely felt anything real in some time. but i dont want to feel happy. i feel that happiness is too easy to fake. i just want to feel intensly sad sometimes. i want to enjoy suffering. it gives life gravity. i dont feel the kind of sad i quite wanted. but i am feeling now. thank you for bearing with me.