Another school year over
So I started to think about how its now time again for the kids in high school to graduate.
Never a good time for me
It just constantly reminds me of just how much older I am getting
I graduated high school 3 years ago now....three fucking years ago!
I've asked this question before and I will ask it again, what have I even begun to do since graduation!?! I mean it's one thing if I go off and I work alot and save alot of money, Go to school alot and get my degree so I can go off and get alot of money and start a career, or even work and go to school a little bit and party alot and enjoy being young. But I dont do any of that!!!! I work 6 nights a week a double on sundays(so I work a decent amount of hours) but I am still broke at the end of every month since all of my funds go towards keeping my family afloat. I'm only taking 2 classes a semester(I've been in college for 2.5 years now) and I found out if I up my class taking just a bit, and take summer classes this summer and next summer I'll have my associates in business by the end of next summer....Damn near four fucking years to get my associates...add another 3 years or so to get my bachelors, I'm set to finally be done with school at like 26-27 years old.
And something that actually had me in tears about 30 minutes ago...something I finally started to think about....What am I going to do once I am out of college? That thought scared me because unlike most things, I can't figure this out. Most who know me know that I can figure out most problems and come up with a good answer for a problem, and in some cases I'm even pretty good at predicting what will eventually happen. But with myself...I have NOTHING. I decided on a business degree cause I really had no idea what to do and i figured whatever it was, i wanted to make money...which will involve some sortve business. sounds cute doesnt it? thats about it. I really have no clue what I am going to do with the rest of my life. But I guess its pretty hard to know what to do with the rest of my life when I cant even decide what im doing with my life right now!
I'm stuck in limbo. I want to be able and go out and have fun but I'm not really a party person and even if i did eventually suck it up and go, i really cant afford to do it. I can go off and get a 2nd job but I dont know if the stress from another job will break me down too far. For once in my life, the all knowing kyle....knows nothing...which is a really scary thought for myself.
On another note, my cat sassy is going into the vet tomorrow. Shes my old kitty(16-17 years old) and was a complete bitch in her youth but these last few years shes just been a total sweetheart. But the reasons shes going into the vet is cause she is getting really really skinny. And I'm scared I might have to put her down tomorrow. I type this as I'm tearing up again so if my spelling gets a bit off I apologise. I already lost peaches last year and tinkerbelle the year before and to lose sassy this year isnt looking too good.
instead of going back and editing my work(even though i never stopped typing, i just dont want to go back up and look for a place to put this) to elaborate on me feeling old....something that is starting to hit me pretty hard again also. My little brother(who is actually bigger then me) is graduating next year.What kindve fucked up shit is that, the little bam bam is going to be graduating(atleast hoping he brings his grades up far enough).
Yea I didnt have much happy thoughts to write about cause in reality there just isnt that much of it in my life now...or really in the past ....ever so many years in my life...But everyone always sees the strong kyle that just never breaks down for anything and is always the person to go to for the right answers and the person that never shows the stress of supporting his family and going to school and everything else. But I need a place to let it out which is hear. Sorry for the long entry, if you were able to go through and read the whole thing you deserve a hug or something and thank you for reading my thoughts.
I found these old videos of some graduation songs from when I was younger and it made me remember my younger days a bit...more saddening then anything else but yea...i thought that i would share
Eve 6- heres to the night
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vitamin c
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Never a good time for me
It just constantly reminds me of just how much older I am getting
I graduated high school 3 years ago now....three fucking years ago!
I've asked this question before and I will ask it again, what have I even begun to do since graduation!?! I mean it's one thing if I go off and I work alot and save alot of money, Go to school alot and get my degree so I can go off and get alot of money and start a career, or even work and go to school a little bit and party alot and enjoy being young. But I dont do any of that!!!! I work 6 nights a week a double on sundays(so I work a decent amount of hours) but I am still broke at the end of every month since all of my funds go towards keeping my family afloat. I'm only taking 2 classes a semester(I've been in college for 2.5 years now) and I found out if I up my class taking just a bit, and take summer classes this summer and next summer I'll have my associates in business by the end of next summer....Damn near four fucking years to get my associates...add another 3 years or so to get my bachelors, I'm set to finally be done with school at like 26-27 years old.
And something that actually had me in tears about 30 minutes ago...something I finally started to think about....What am I going to do once I am out of college? That thought scared me because unlike most things, I can't figure this out. Most who know me know that I can figure out most problems and come up with a good answer for a problem, and in some cases I'm even pretty good at predicting what will eventually happen. But with myself...I have NOTHING. I decided on a business degree cause I really had no idea what to do and i figured whatever it was, i wanted to make money...which will involve some sortve business. sounds cute doesnt it? thats about it. I really have no clue what I am going to do with the rest of my life. But I guess its pretty hard to know what to do with the rest of my life when I cant even decide what im doing with my life right now!
I'm stuck in limbo. I want to be able and go out and have fun but I'm not really a party person and even if i did eventually suck it up and go, i really cant afford to do it. I can go off and get a 2nd job but I dont know if the stress from another job will break me down too far. For once in my life, the all knowing kyle....knows nothing...which is a really scary thought for myself.
On another note, my cat sassy is going into the vet tomorrow. Shes my old kitty(16-17 years old) and was a complete bitch in her youth but these last few years shes just been a total sweetheart. But the reasons shes going into the vet is cause she is getting really really skinny. And I'm scared I might have to put her down tomorrow. I type this as I'm tearing up again so if my spelling gets a bit off I apologise. I already lost peaches last year and tinkerbelle the year before and to lose sassy this year isnt looking too good.
instead of going back and editing my work(even though i never stopped typing, i just dont want to go back up and look for a place to put this) to elaborate on me feeling old....something that is starting to hit me pretty hard again also. My little brother(who is actually bigger then me) is graduating next year.What kindve fucked up shit is that, the little bam bam is going to be graduating(atleast hoping he brings his grades up far enough).
Yea I didnt have much happy thoughts to write about cause in reality there just isnt that much of it in my life now...or really in the past ....ever so many years in my life...But everyone always sees the strong kyle that just never breaks down for anything and is always the person to go to for the right answers and the person that never shows the stress of supporting his family and going to school and everything else. But I need a place to let it out which is hear. Sorry for the long entry, if you were able to go through and read the whole thing you deserve a hug or something and thank you for reading my thoughts.
I found these old videos of some graduation songs from when I was younger and it made me remember my younger days a bit...more saddening then anything else but yea...i thought that i would share
Eve 6- heres to the night
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vitamin c
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