How did it come to this?
I can't get over the perfection of this song for my life at the current moment.
That's really the only way I can describe how I've been feeling since yesterday. My time here has been fairly nice, especially this weekend. I've been doing a lot of fun things and had an amazing time, and yesterday, that kind of stopped. I need to figure out how to deal with that. This whole situation has made my transition to school easier, more comfortable, and now I kind of feel back to just being here, not knowing anyone, kind of lonely. I know, this is random, but it's just a stream of thought that I need to get out there. It should probably be privated, but I decided to leave it public, with commenting disabled as always. If there's something important, make an effort. I just can't understand how the day started out so beautifully and so pleasantly, and then spiraled down to where it did. I guess I saw it coming. I should've known what I was doing. I did know what I was doing; I didn't know how to handle it. I wish that there was an easy solution to this problem. That may change, that may not, so I guess we'll see where it takes us me. I'd like for things to happen in a positive way for me, but that's just selfish. Then again, something you have to realise about life is that people are selfish. And you need to be selfish. You can't just givegivegive because then there's nothing left for you. Yeah, while it might make you feel nice to givegivegive, eventually you're empty, and that's a hard place to be.
This is a hard place to be, where I am right now. I need some time to sit and collect my thoughts. I'll be home this upcoming weekend. I wanted to go see the Genitoturers at the old L'amour, but I don't think that will happen. I kind of need to be in that sense of location and comfort and warmth that I'm used to. I need that time by myself. At the same time, I need time with someone else, someone completely and totally removed from the situation to give a good view of the things that I can't see - another perspective to show me what I'm blinded to and what I'm blinded by. I guess we all need that type of outside source in some situations. It's not like I can just escape this by blocking it out and avoiding it; that's pretty impossible. Not pretty so much as absolutely. But I don't want to block it out, I want it there, and I enjoy the presence and company. I know, who could enjoy something that sounds so difficult? I think it's just because I always have an overwhelming feeling of hope that sits in the back of my head that things will work out for the better. I can't believe I used that term "things will work out for the better." I hate that term because you never know how things will turn out. I can always hope. It's good to always have hope. You may be defeated and know it and be fully and absolutely aware that you are (like I am) but if you have hope, it'll keep your spirit as high as it can be, though it's been trampled over somewhat.
I'm going to read for an hour or so and then try to take a nap at 2 until it's time for film class. That might not be the best idea, but we'll see where it takes me. Planning most things, I feel, are pretty useless. You never know where life will lead you next.
That's really the only way I can describe how I've been feeling since yesterday. My time here has been fairly nice, especially this weekend. I've been doing a lot of fun things and had an amazing time, and yesterday, that kind of stopped. I need to figure out how to deal with that. This whole situation has made my transition to school easier, more comfortable, and now I kind of feel back to just being here, not knowing anyone, kind of lonely. I know, this is random, but it's just a stream of thought that I need to get out there. It should probably be privated, but I decided to leave it public, with commenting disabled as always. If there's something important, make an effort. I just can't understand how the day started out so beautifully and so pleasantly, and then spiraled down to where it did. I guess I saw it coming. I should've known what I was doing. I did know what I was doing; I didn't know how to handle it. I wish that there was an easy solution to this problem. That may change, that may not, so I guess we'll see where it takes us me. I'd like for things to happen in a positive way for me, but that's just selfish. Then again, something you have to realise about life is that people are selfish. And you need to be selfish. You can't just givegivegive because then there's nothing left for you. Yeah, while it might make you feel nice to givegivegive, eventually you're empty, and that's a hard place to be.
This is a hard place to be, where I am right now. I need some time to sit and collect my thoughts. I'll be home this upcoming weekend. I wanted to go see the Genitoturers at the old L'amour, but I don't think that will happen. I kind of need to be in that sense of location and comfort and warmth that I'm used to. I need that time by myself. At the same time, I need time with someone else, someone completely and totally removed from the situation to give a good view of the things that I can't see - another perspective to show me what I'm blinded to and what I'm blinded by. I guess we all need that type of outside source in some situations. It's not like I can just escape this by blocking it out and avoiding it; that's pretty impossible. Not pretty so much as absolutely. But I don't want to block it out, I want it there, and I enjoy the presence and company. I know, who could enjoy something that sounds so difficult? I think it's just because I always have an overwhelming feeling of hope that sits in the back of my head that things will work out for the better. I can't believe I used that term "things will work out for the better." I hate that term because you never know how things will turn out. I can always hope. It's good to always have hope. You may be defeated and know it and be fully and absolutely aware that you are (like I am) but if you have hope, it'll keep your spirit as high as it can be, though it's been trampled over somewhat.
I'm going to read for an hour or so and then try to take a nap at 2 until it's time for film class. That might not be the best idea, but we'll see where it takes me. Planning most things, I feel, are pretty useless. You never know where life will lead you next.