long-but-worth-reading entry. so read.
happy lame halloween.
one i will spend un-TOTing.
no school today and monday. 4day weekend. some fucking retarded holiday. no- not halloween, bimbo. blah. im going to the gym tomorrow, yay excercise. im getting effing FAT. blah whatev.
argh. i went through my stuff and journals- found a VERY old emo poem. - look at hello__emokid - it actually made me sad again. ergh. one line i wrote landed me on super bummer mode- "she wants to feel- just not too much". its soo lonely here- like noone can imagine. and so everythings like- numb. you can't feel happiness or total sadness or too much anger (well maybe.) BUT. its like you want to feel things; but the things around you have no effect on you- youre just neutral. which is totally weird. and everything - sigh. i think way too much. dearr.
anywhom. i went shopping for jeans yesterday. totally unsuccessful.
i got everything but jeans. although i scored kickass vans. :) yay.
then a scarf and a jesusismyhomeboy shirt. whoot. :) and more presents from this church lady. now no school today, liq.eyeliner blush eyemakeup, new clothes. put two and two together. and of course- i kept busy. :)
and now, ladies and gentlemen, i introduce you
believe it or not- theyre vans.
onto the next subject. - my doodles. god i dont know how long ive been doing this but doodling is fcuking addictive. and ill show you samples of my work. i think theyre hot- and thats because ive worked hours on these (actually one a schoolday- when im very bored.) anywhats- enjoy, dorks. yeah i know theyre freaking similar. stfu.
plain paper
sketchbook
-huge edit-
anywhooo. i forgot to tell you guys the super freaky dream i had last night. :0 its soo weird anywhats-
the churchees and us were still at the youth retreat. but this time it was a cabin. and supposedly we were to go home. BUT our cabin was like in the middle of NOWHERE (like prayer garden) but this time it was a freaking forest. i saw antz, jojo, noes, mel and jesse. and then like... we were stuck in the cabin right and when we were supposed to leave we tried to find our way to the road but everywhere we went it led back to the cabin [whoa] and like we couldnt get out- so we tried using our phone but no signal [oh the horror. -.-"]then a fat tumbleweed appeared [wow- then i knew where this was going] anthony called ALOT of peopel and so everything else went hazy. and jessica said "ti, i lost bentley.[my cousin]". then i started cursing. then i forgot what happened between these 2 moments. and all of a sudden we were all in a dark subway waiting. and then we[anthony jojo jesse jessica mel and me] got out and up a stairway that led to LAX. [errh?-moment right?!] and saw my mom, uta and my grandma. and then my mom said we were going to drive some car to vegas.
weird right? i think it realtes to noes' bad transmission and the effing fat tumbleweed. our brains hallucinate. :\