emo post
fuck. i lost all my pictures from retreat. fuuck. argh.
anywho. the retreat was pretty fun and everything. it was actually nice to have the pastor tell the cold truth other than making it seem so effing FAKE. yeaah. and jojo still has my shirt. grr.
yeah. okay. i just dont get it because when im in la its like everythings cool again and RIGHT when i come in the house- i get so fucking pissed at EVRYTHING. everything here just IRRITATES the shit out of me. and like at the retreat i see these people who've probably gone through alot of things and god helped them- but i do that because i dont know why- i just dont get the rushy feeling that i think alot of people get and i dont know why. and when im here- everything and everyone from everywhere ignores me. especially la people. its like when im not there i DONT EXIST. and that scares the crap out of me. bad things happen to me here. its like i cant be happy here. when i was in culver- i could sleep and not think about things. here id just think alot and then cry myself to sleep. then wake up and remember things again and i get depressed the whole day. that sucks. and i have no motivation to do anything. nothing. everythings so lonely here and i have to deal everything all by myself. wtf is up with that?
agh. fucking frustrating