(no subject)

[mennybeads]

Lately I've been wondering-- and it's not just hormones or stress afaik-- if I'm cut out to be a scholar. I don't think I'm smart enough. And that's not saying I'm dumb-- I'm just saying there are a lot of history students out there who are smarter than me. Who would get the opportunities I want sooner than me. And it's not like I'm cool with that, but what can I do? Really? I know that I don't know all the options out there but I'm no extraordinary student. I pass my classes but that's about it. I don't excell at anything. And again, that's okay, but then what will I do? What are my options? I don't think I would be a good hs teacher; don't think that's what I would like to do for the rest of my life.

The problem is that I can try real hard but I'll never get to the desired level.

I'm not fishing for compliments, here. I just needed to say it. Somewhere.