Faith
So yesterday I officiated at a marriage. My second officiation, if that's a word. And the first was of my daughter, so it hardly counts as worthy of any statistical analysis. But I take seriously the task of officiating, as I suppose I take seriously most serious things I do. I've had a few compliments on the meditations I presented at each wedding (although most people refer to them as "speeches"), and that feels good, I suppose. But I meant what I said. And so when accolades fall on me, I tend to sit back in my inner being and ask myself, did this person actually hear what I said? Did it really make an impact?
And marrying a couple is a solemn occasion. It really does present an opportunity to reflect on what marriage is, what it means. These two weddings have made me think about my own marriage, and about the marriages of my friends and family. I know how vulnerable marriage as an institution is, and I strongly believe that we need to give it as much support as we can - and that means allowing all people who have good reason and who wish to marry, to do so, regardless of gender or other silly restrictions. When I emphasize, as I did at each wedding, that marriage is an act of commitment that follows regardless of the state of passionate love, and that love is an act of will as much as anything else, I have to look back at my own marriage, at my own love for V. And then I wonder, given the ups and downs we've had, could anyone else survive the same stresses we had? It's been nip and tuck sometimes - our marriage is as vulnerable as the institution of marriage itself is, maybe more so! And thinking back on my law practice, and the interviews with some of my clients who sought a divorce - knowing that they gave up much too soon, seeking only fair-weather relationships. Can "my couples" survive the storms that are sure to come? How strong is their will-power? Where is their commitment really lodged?
Well. I was 20 years old when I married V. I did not understand what all was going to come our way (thank goodness - or I doubt I would have gone through with it). I suspect that many of my elders wondered about my maturity, and whether my marriage would survive. I realize today that marriage is a commitment which I have to renew every day, and I cannot take for granted that tomorrow I will still have the same relationship with V. I am deeply grateful to my elders of 35+ years ago, that they did have faith in us - faith that V. and I would continue to honour the commitments that we made on our wedding day, even today ... and hopefully for years yet to come. I don't think they could have foretold what specific problems might beset us, but they could almost guarantee that we would have problems. As we did. And as we do. And as we will. And who knows when we will face The Problem that is too big for us, when we have no more energy, when our will is no longer strong enough, and that causes the collapse that neither of us wants. I hope that day never comes - and because of the ferocity of some of the storms we've weathered, I am more confident going forward that we will be able to hold onto each other as long as we may live. I sure hope so!
And so I, in turn, can almost guarantee that my couples will have problems in future. I don't know what those problems may be, or how they should be approached, or what solutions might be best. And I am fairly sure that some of those problems will tear at the foundations of the relationships which I have now solemnized in marriage. If that happens, I hope that my couples will have the sense to avail themselves of whatever resources may be available to help overcome these obstacles - including seeking my support and help, if I am able to give it. But I have faith in them - both couples, all four of them individually - to fall back on their commitments to one another, and not just to give up without struggling and fighting against the odds when the going gets tough.
And that faith gives me a sense of peace and fulfillment for my couples. They will do it. And they will be happy with and for each other. Their love will change over time, but it will always be love. They will be torn this way and that, but they will always have their mutual commitment to each other to fall back on. They will show everyone what marriage is supposed to be!
Congratulations to C & E, and to P & B! Thanks for giving me the opportunity to express my faith in you!
And V. - I love you!
And marrying a couple is a solemn occasion. It really does present an opportunity to reflect on what marriage is, what it means. These two weddings have made me think about my own marriage, and about the marriages of my friends and family. I know how vulnerable marriage as an institution is, and I strongly believe that we need to give it as much support as we can - and that means allowing all people who have good reason and who wish to marry, to do so, regardless of gender or other silly restrictions. When I emphasize, as I did at each wedding, that marriage is an act of commitment that follows regardless of the state of passionate love, and that love is an act of will as much as anything else, I have to look back at my own marriage, at my own love for V. And then I wonder, given the ups and downs we've had, could anyone else survive the same stresses we had? It's been nip and tuck sometimes - our marriage is as vulnerable as the institution of marriage itself is, maybe more so! And thinking back on my law practice, and the interviews with some of my clients who sought a divorce - knowing that they gave up much too soon, seeking only fair-weather relationships. Can "my couples" survive the storms that are sure to come? How strong is their will-power? Where is their commitment really lodged?
Well. I was 20 years old when I married V. I did not understand what all was going to come our way (thank goodness - or I doubt I would have gone through with it). I suspect that many of my elders wondered about my maturity, and whether my marriage would survive. I realize today that marriage is a commitment which I have to renew every day, and I cannot take for granted that tomorrow I will still have the same relationship with V. I am deeply grateful to my elders of 35+ years ago, that they did have faith in us - faith that V. and I would continue to honour the commitments that we made on our wedding day, even today ... and hopefully for years yet to come. I don't think they could have foretold what specific problems might beset us, but they could almost guarantee that we would have problems. As we did. And as we do. And as we will. And who knows when we will face The Problem that is too big for us, when we have no more energy, when our will is no longer strong enough, and that causes the collapse that neither of us wants. I hope that day never comes - and because of the ferocity of some of the storms we've weathered, I am more confident going forward that we will be able to hold onto each other as long as we may live. I sure hope so!
And so I, in turn, can almost guarantee that my couples will have problems in future. I don't know what those problems may be, or how they should be approached, or what solutions might be best. And I am fairly sure that some of those problems will tear at the foundations of the relationships which I have now solemnized in marriage. If that happens, I hope that my couples will have the sense to avail themselves of whatever resources may be available to help overcome these obstacles - including seeking my support and help, if I am able to give it. But I have faith in them - both couples, all four of them individually - to fall back on their commitments to one another, and not just to give up without struggling and fighting against the odds when the going gets tough.
And that faith gives me a sense of peace and fulfillment for my couples. They will do it. And they will be happy with and for each other. Their love will change over time, but it will always be love. They will be torn this way and that, but they will always have their mutual commitment to each other to fall back on. They will show everyone what marriage is supposed to be!
Congratulations to C & E, and to P & B! Thanks for giving me the opportunity to express my faith in you!
And V. - I love you!