so bring on the rain / 'cause i'm thirsty anyway
Where to begin?
At the beginning of the summer I was pretty sick all of a sudden. In fact, I was in the hospital for four days. Well, it turns out that my hospital stay was at a hospital not covered by my (usually kick-ass) insurance. And, as we all know, I am never one to do things half-way... all $16,000 of not doing it half-way. Which, suddenly, isn't covered.
Don't know about you, but I've never had an extra $16,000 just sitting around. And neither do my parents. So this week has been full of phone calls and billing requests and bla bla bla.
The good news is that my insurance will be covering most of the costs. But it's going to be a lot of extra work and a lot of extra strain on my parents... and as we all know, that's something I like to avoid as much as possible. They've already put up with enough medical shit from me. Someday it's my dream to get off these thousand-dollar meds I'm on, or at least get a job that covers all that for me... I'm sure their insurance premiums would go way down once I do.
Next up on the consume-all-my-thoughts train is the future. As in, what will I be doing after camp ends in August? I'm not sure if I've shared this here before, but I will not be returning to school, despite the fact that I need to raise my GPA before they'll give me a diploma. There is no money for me to go, and frankly, I am burned out on school. I have no desire to go back.
Do I understand that a diploma is important to my life, especially that whole get-a-job-with-good-health-insurance part? I absolutely do. But I tend to think that not going back in the fall doesn't mean I'm never going back, or that I can't finish said degree requirements at some other institution, at a point in my life where I'm better equipped mentally.
I have, at least for the last six years or so, realized that college isn't where I belong anyway. I struggle so much with all the extraneous parts that the education part isn't as important to me as it should be, and that's not fair to me or the people paying for my education (namely, my parents, and, recently, Citi Bank). I would much rather continue this degree when I'm ready to take it seriously, maybe when I've had a break from school for awhile.
So I've started looking for a job. People ask me all the time what I want to do with my life. I always say, first and foremost, that I want to be happy. And I think that the important thing, right now, is that I wasn't happy. Now that I'm at camp, working hard with really no time to worry about things (that's not to say I don't worry, of course - who do you think I am?), I'm much more satisfied with things. And so if I could do something like this for awhile, I'd probably be happy.
There a few options to pursue this. One is that I live at home, provide care for someone in my area or work as a para-pro at a school. One is that I live at home, take a job at a place like Toys-R-Us, and struggle not to kill myself. Another is that I take a job somewhere else... move out... and go find out what I'm made of.
So I'm looking, scanning, attempting to find the right position. If I am to move away from home, I would be seeking a live-in position as a caregiver with or without options for health care and other benefits.
This is tough for me, of course, because I'm already thinking of how to break it to my parents. I have a feeling that it's not an idea that they're going to be really thrilled with. But I am 23 years old and maybe it's time that I make a decision like this.
Who knows?
And onto the more fun stuff, here's some pictures from week one and week two at that little piece of heaven known as ESW.
Week One:
My camper was Nate, a cheerful twenty-something with cerebral palsy who was deaf. He had the best laugh and smile and was perpetually in a good mood. He had an awesome time.
Nate (left) and his lady friend Tracy (right) at the dance.
Cindy (left) with her counselor Loni (right) on the boat trip.
Nate on the boat trip, wearing a shirt he painted himself.
Wawbeek friend Stasia, my seat-mate on the boat trip.
Week Two:
My camper was Deena, who I had last summer (also at week two). I adore her - she's just the sweetest. Unfortunately her parents are going through a quite awful divorce, which I'm pretty sure is rough on her. She was upset when she got out of the van because they'd been fighting in the car, and from what I can tell, things at home are a bit upside-down. Her father, who has taken up with what her mother calls "his mistress," is going to fight her mother for full-custody... her mother says up and down that will never, ever happen. Either way the fight is going to be rough on Deena, and that breaks my heart. I don't think she wanted to go home today, and I can't blame her. Even though she's severely disabled and non-verbal, nobody wants to go back to a situation like that.
But while she was with us we had a wonderful time. On town trip I purchased a book especially for her, one of those girly ones about horses, and we read it all week. She was so calm when we were reading, just listening. I used a "yes-no" card system with her to determine when she wanted to read, and almost every time I asked her, she was ready for a little special alone time. And she got to go on two zip-lines, and swimming, which she adores.
She was certainly a well-loved little girl at camp. :)
Deena on town trip. Her shirt says "Just because I can't talk doesn't mean I have nothing to say."
Headed up to the tower to get attached to the zip-line... all hooked in with her g-tube food and everything - the only camper out there who managed to have brunch while on ropes course!
Whoosh!
Deena taking a rest out at Hollar Hills today, indulging me while I played with the color settings on my camera.
Two other sweeties, Megan and Kelsea, sharing a bittersweet moment at the dance last night.
Camp BFFs Celia and Deena at the dance.
Dancing with Deena in my arms.
This lady is my boss, can you believe it? It's a good thing I like her so much. :)
Me and smiley Celia at check-out today.
We were so very very happy. I love my Deena-girl - especially blessed to have her.
At the beginning of the summer I was pretty sick all of a sudden. In fact, I was in the hospital for four days. Well, it turns out that my hospital stay was at a hospital not covered by my (usually kick-ass) insurance. And, as we all know, I am never one to do things half-way... all $16,000 of not doing it half-way. Which, suddenly, isn't covered.
Don't know about you, but I've never had an extra $16,000 just sitting around. And neither do my parents. So this week has been full of phone calls and billing requests and bla bla bla.
The good news is that my insurance will be covering most of the costs. But it's going to be a lot of extra work and a lot of extra strain on my parents... and as we all know, that's something I like to avoid as much as possible. They've already put up with enough medical shit from me. Someday it's my dream to get off these thousand-dollar meds I'm on, or at least get a job that covers all that for me... I'm sure their insurance premiums would go way down once I do.
Next up on the consume-all-my-thoughts train is the future. As in, what will I be doing after camp ends in August? I'm not sure if I've shared this here before, but I will not be returning to school, despite the fact that I need to raise my GPA before they'll give me a diploma. There is no money for me to go, and frankly, I am burned out on school. I have no desire to go back.
Do I understand that a diploma is important to my life, especially that whole get-a-job-with-good-health-insurance part? I absolutely do. But I tend to think that not going back in the fall doesn't mean I'm never going back, or that I can't finish said degree requirements at some other institution, at a point in my life where I'm better equipped mentally.
I have, at least for the last six years or so, realized that college isn't where I belong anyway. I struggle so much with all the extraneous parts that the education part isn't as important to me as it should be, and that's not fair to me or the people paying for my education (namely, my parents, and, recently, Citi Bank). I would much rather continue this degree when I'm ready to take it seriously, maybe when I've had a break from school for awhile.
So I've started looking for a job. People ask me all the time what I want to do with my life. I always say, first and foremost, that I want to be happy. And I think that the important thing, right now, is that I wasn't happy. Now that I'm at camp, working hard with really no time to worry about things (that's not to say I don't worry, of course - who do you think I am?), I'm much more satisfied with things. And so if I could do something like this for awhile, I'd probably be happy.
There a few options to pursue this. One is that I live at home, provide care for someone in my area or work as a para-pro at a school. One is that I live at home, take a job at a place like Toys-R-Us, and struggle not to kill myself. Another is that I take a job somewhere else... move out... and go find out what I'm made of.
So I'm looking, scanning, attempting to find the right position. If I am to move away from home, I would be seeking a live-in position as a caregiver with or without options for health care and other benefits.
This is tough for me, of course, because I'm already thinking of how to break it to my parents. I have a feeling that it's not an idea that they're going to be really thrilled with. But I am 23 years old and maybe it's time that I make a decision like this.
Who knows?
And onto the more fun stuff, here's some pictures from week one and week two at that little piece of heaven known as ESW.
Week One:
My camper was Nate, a cheerful twenty-something with cerebral palsy who was deaf. He had the best laugh and smile and was perpetually in a good mood. He had an awesome time.
Nate (left) and his lady friend Tracy (right) at the dance.
Cindy (left) with her counselor Loni (right) on the boat trip.
Nate on the boat trip, wearing a shirt he painted himself.
Wawbeek friend Stasia, my seat-mate on the boat trip.
Week Two:
My camper was Deena, who I had last summer (also at week two). I adore her - she's just the sweetest. Unfortunately her parents are going through a quite awful divorce, which I'm pretty sure is rough on her. She was upset when she got out of the van because they'd been fighting in the car, and from what I can tell, things at home are a bit upside-down. Her father, who has taken up with what her mother calls "his mistress," is going to fight her mother for full-custody... her mother says up and down that will never, ever happen. Either way the fight is going to be rough on Deena, and that breaks my heart. I don't think she wanted to go home today, and I can't blame her. Even though she's severely disabled and non-verbal, nobody wants to go back to a situation like that.
But while she was with us we had a wonderful time. On town trip I purchased a book especially for her, one of those girly ones about horses, and we read it all week. She was so calm when we were reading, just listening. I used a "yes-no" card system with her to determine when she wanted to read, and almost every time I asked her, she was ready for a little special alone time. And she got to go on two zip-lines, and swimming, which she adores.
She was certainly a well-loved little girl at camp. :)
Deena on town trip. Her shirt says "Just because I can't talk doesn't mean I have nothing to say."
Headed up to the tower to get attached to the zip-line... all hooked in with her g-tube food and everything - the only camper out there who managed to have brunch while on ropes course!
Whoosh!
Deena taking a rest out at Hollar Hills today, indulging me while I played with the color settings on my camera.
Two other sweeties, Megan and Kelsea, sharing a bittersweet moment at the dance last night.
Camp BFFs Celia and Deena at the dance.
Dancing with Deena in my arms.
This lady is my boss, can you believe it? It's a good thing I like her so much. :)
Me and smiley Celia at check-out today.
We were so very very happy. I love my Deena-girl - especially blessed to have her.