Trends in books that meake me want to gag
The Carnegie Library of Pittsburg blogged their Top 10 Most Annoying Teen Fiction Trends and I have been inspiried. All of you who read my blog regularly know I am not blessed in the patience department and certain aspects of most books have really irritated me.
So I present you all with my list:
1) Emo characters who are all too aware of their glaring differences. Maybe this is just because I am old, but what the hell are emos? From what I have read they seem like extra moooooody teenagers who amazingly believe that no one understands them because they are speshul flowers and a delicate breeze might rip thier black, blood stained petals of the fragile bud that is their 'self'. But believing this is not unique anymore. Maybe the first author to ever go over to the angsty side did something new and different, but it's not even remotely interesting to read about now. And it is very common in most books about Vampires, set in this reality and time. Don't Vampires like happy people any more? Or is it some long winded and entirely rubbish metaphor for their tortured, ageless souls finding a soulmate in the 'tortured', youthful souls of emos?
2) Related to 1, the way emos steer clear of colours or certain types of clothing as if it were the Plague of Shallowness. Pink, especially. Pink instantly equates to a cheerleader who is an easy slut (male and female though more often female) while simultaneously thinking that they are the Royalty of the World. When have people ever fit into such neat little descriptions?
3) Now on to the big GLARING problem I have with Teen books. Girls. Girls which always fall into obvious categories. This actually deserves some sub-bullet points. (It is that important).
-------Relates to Point 1. The emo character is female. Her 'troubles' are ridiculous and she can only be saved by the big, handsome (usually) Vampire male. The love is just as annoying since it is never ending. Their painful courtship goes on and on and on and on, until Author gets bored and puts us all out of our misery. They then skip of into the dusk, create more ridiculous problems for themseleves before, well...I don't actually know. They can't live happily ever after because that would cause them both to spontaneously combust, since it is so against their fundamental nature. They can't live because technically one, if not both by the end, are dead. So they just...are. In a painfully annoying way.
--------Relates to Point 2. The cheerleader is obviously female and The Enemy. She makes life hell for the protagonist because they are everything the protagonist wants to be (not always the case in all books. Sometimes the Protagonist feels Righteous Anger towards them). The cheerleader has had the protagonist's lover and won't let her claws retract out of him. She has also had almost all the football team (or whatever sport the school participates in) and everyone can't believe just how slutty she is. (All I can think of is that if people like this were common, STDs would be far more wide-spread. And almost entirely limited to male athletes). The double standards in such a character just make me want to cry. Also is she The Enemy simply because she is the Cheerleader. And they, as everyone knows are Bad People. Male cheerleaders are cool and hip (insert other terms meaning the same as the first two here, since I know both of mine are ridiculously out dated). The female Evil One of course looses in the end and then has no friends or the Hot Male Protagonist.
--------The Plucky Heroine with the Good Heart and the Right Intentions. The only problem is that intentions will never save the day, or win the battle. Which is why there is a male hero introduced at some point to do the dirty work, while Plucky Heroine's big eyes shine with gratitude and purpose and unshed tears. She is portrayed as being inept and clumsy but somehow people can look past her constant tripping to see her pure and noble heart underneath. She of course wins in the end.
--------The Ugly Smart girl. She is the brains of the operation but sadly has not been blessed with any looks at all. In fact it would be better if we were told that she had no face because we don't care anyway. Pretty people can ONLY have fluff between thier ears. The Smart One then becomes tired of actually being able to carry a conversation and decides that boys and fluff are much more important than trivial things, like education. Usually she realises the error of her ways, but that is unlikely. She would need a back bone for that.
--------The Transformation. Could also be the Smart but Ugly girl. But usually it is the dowdy, shy, wallflower types who 'discover' the true vixen in tighter, smaller clothes. Suddenly they get all the male attention that they could have ever wanted, except from The One True Dude who loved her secretly, greasy-hair and all. This stereotype cannot stay transformed by the end of the book, otherwise the good guy wouldn't win and if that happened the whole of the human race might simultaneously die out. And it would also send out the Very Bad Message - sometimes outer bauty is hotter than inner beauty. Usually she learns her lessen; she was beautiful in the baggy tracksuit and stops plucking her eyebrows as severly. Of course she also discovers that once in a while tight clothes are not evil, soul-sucking garments.
Most books have at least one character who fits into at least one of these stereotypes. The better ones can make them fit two or even three. (Though I don't know how an emo cheerleader would work out).
4) Fashion speak in books. Trying to appeal to the average-wage-earning reader, or readers with average-wage-earning parents. Let them know just what life is like for the rich and the spoilt, who despite having every designer item ever dreamed of, are unhappy and sad and just want to really connect with people. They are humans underneath all that DesignerName makeup, DesignerName sunglasses, DesignerName clothes and DesignerName shoes. Really and truly. All books based on cliques have this, even if the people making up the cliques are 8 years old.
5) Books that blatently rip off other, better novels. I am sorry, but how did they even get published? Are their editors and agents stupid? Have they never read the original? Do they not see the similarities? It could be that they do, but they also see M-O-N-E-Y (so sexy). If it worked before it will work again. PUBLISH away. Plagerism be dammed! Actual editing be dammed!
6) Prophecies. Unless written very, very well with a nice amount of free-will debate thrown in, they are just plain shit. If the hero can't struggle with the hard stuff and only do it because they have no choice it doesn't make me want to empathize with them. Prophecies, written badly are just an easy way to make the hero do something that they wouldn't normally do. As a plot-driving tactic I do not like, unless, and I stress again, it is written well.
7) Another huge topic - angst. Or as Iike to refer to it, ANGST. Protagonists must go through hard, painful, emotionally gut-wrenching things before they can be together. If the obstacles are plot-driven I can live with that. But just to prolonge my suffering makes me want to eat the book. There is nothing standing in the way of X and Y getting together and making lots of little XX and XY babies (since in teen fiction that of course is the point of sex, more often than not). And yet, they don't, usually until the LAST page of the book. If the author wanted to end on their lovely love then it could have finished a few trees before. But no, readers love angst. I mean, we obviously do not get enough in our own lives and that fact alone must mean that we cannot survive without it. Simply talking with each other or even more basic, listening to each other is beyond most character's abilities to manage. They must wollow and even though undying love has been declared, doubt and panic and fret and fear. They secretly love angsty, angsty, angst, angst love and if they admitted it to themselves then it would give me a better opportunity to understand them or even try to relate to them. But they are always completely unaware of it and I just wonder at the depths of thier stupidity. It very nearly takes my breath away.
8) Fatally Flawed Villians. Again unless written and developed very well, their fatal flaw is nothing more than the only way for the protagonist to win. Because the Author cannot think of another way to end The Epic Battle. And why must the fatal flaws always be love? Since when is love all powerful? Surely greed or pride are better motive for a baddie. Or must baddies be soft marshmellows underneath? Take a look at Shakespeare's Iago. Now that is a proper villian.
9) Unrealistic plots. If Author creates their own fantasy world then they are allowed to have thier characters do whatever they want in that world, as long as it obeys the rules that they have created and even this is hard for most to do. For example, said Vampire and Emo chick will have sex. Vampires have no heart beat to pump blood - how can they have an errection? How can blood travel to the penis? Connundrum, is it not? But even worse are unrealistic 'human' plots. And by that I mean characters who are human with human problems. Finding out that estranged father is a billionaire/music mogul/ King/something else with a lot of moeny, resulting in out hero finindg themsels in a WHOLE NEW WORLD full of beautiful people (because only the rich are pretty. And stupid). Said beauties are also most ademently not normal. At all. But our protagonist maintains thier good heart despite all the unlimited spending power. And the opposite is just as ridiculous. Having the rich want to be 'normal' and here normal is synonymous with poor. Let's go to a 'normal' high school and mingle with the commoners. PAH.
10) Dumbing down the heros for the the sake of the stupid people, i.e. us readers. Plot points are told over and over and over again and characters are obtuse ALL THE TIME just to make sure that readers understand everything. I know this may be a surprise to many YA authors BUT WE ARE NOT STUPID. For one thing we can read. We understood the Major Plot Revelation the first time it was revealed. And I, for one care about trees - stop wasting paper by repeating yourself. WE GET IT.
Well that is my list. And I had more fun then I think I should have in writing it. I do love a good rant every now and again (that's a lie- I love it all the time). I also want to add that stereotypes aren't all that bad. They do exist for a reason and have some slight grain of truth in them. I just want more authors to write about people who are pretty and smart and can wield a sword and kick some butt, with a smile on their face. And by people I mean girls. Boys have had it easy. If they do anything to save the day they are not described as feisty. *Shudder* I hate that word. When boys need rescuing on a regular basis, I will be more happy. The trend is chaning, but still too often authors, especially female authors, write abouot female characters who are lacking in every way. To those authors who are brave enough to swim against the current, I thank you.
Live long and prosper
xoxo
So I present you all with my list:
1) Emo characters who are all too aware of their glaring differences. Maybe this is just because I am old, but what the hell are emos? From what I have read they seem like extra moooooody teenagers who amazingly believe that no one understands them because they are speshul flowers and a delicate breeze might rip thier black, blood stained petals of the fragile bud that is their 'self'. But believing this is not unique anymore. Maybe the first author to ever go over to the angsty side did something new and different, but it's not even remotely interesting to read about now. And it is very common in most books about Vampires, set in this reality and time. Don't Vampires like happy people any more? Or is it some long winded and entirely rubbish metaphor for their tortured, ageless souls finding a soulmate in the 'tortured', youthful souls of emos?
2) Related to 1, the way emos steer clear of colours or certain types of clothing as if it were the Plague of Shallowness. Pink, especially. Pink instantly equates to a cheerleader who is an easy slut (male and female though more often female) while simultaneously thinking that they are the Royalty of the World. When have people ever fit into such neat little descriptions?
3) Now on to the big GLARING problem I have with Teen books. Girls. Girls which always fall into obvious categories. This actually deserves some sub-bullet points. (It is that important).
-------Relates to Point 1. The emo character is female. Her 'troubles' are ridiculous and she can only be saved by the big, handsome (usually) Vampire male. The love is just as annoying since it is never ending. Their painful courtship goes on and on and on and on, until Author gets bored and puts us all out of our misery. They then skip of into the dusk, create more ridiculous problems for themseleves before, well...I don't actually know. They can't live happily ever after because that would cause them both to spontaneously combust, since it is so against their fundamental nature. They can't live because technically one, if not both by the end, are dead. So they just...are. In a painfully annoying way.
--------Relates to Point 2. The cheerleader is obviously female and The Enemy. She makes life hell for the protagonist because they are everything the protagonist wants to be (not always the case in all books. Sometimes the Protagonist feels Righteous Anger towards them). The cheerleader has had the protagonist's lover and won't let her claws retract out of him. She has also had almost all the football team (or whatever sport the school participates in) and everyone can't believe just how slutty she is. (All I can think of is that if people like this were common, STDs would be far more wide-spread. And almost entirely limited to male athletes). The double standards in such a character just make me want to cry. Also is she The Enemy simply because she is the Cheerleader. And they, as everyone knows are Bad People. Male cheerleaders are cool and hip (insert other terms meaning the same as the first two here, since I know both of mine are ridiculously out dated). The female Evil One of course looses in the end and then has no friends or the Hot Male Protagonist.
--------The Plucky Heroine with the Good Heart and the Right Intentions. The only problem is that intentions will never save the day, or win the battle. Which is why there is a male hero introduced at some point to do the dirty work, while Plucky Heroine's big eyes shine with gratitude and purpose and unshed tears. She is portrayed as being inept and clumsy but somehow people can look past her constant tripping to see her pure and noble heart underneath. She of course wins in the end.
--------The Ugly Smart girl. She is the brains of the operation but sadly has not been blessed with any looks at all. In fact it would be better if we were told that she had no face because we don't care anyway. Pretty people can ONLY have fluff between thier ears. The Smart One then becomes tired of actually being able to carry a conversation and decides that boys and fluff are much more important than trivial things, like education. Usually she realises the error of her ways, but that is unlikely. She would need a back bone for that.
--------The Transformation. Could also be the Smart but Ugly girl. But usually it is the dowdy, shy, wallflower types who 'discover' the true vixen in tighter, smaller clothes. Suddenly they get all the male attention that they could have ever wanted, except from The One True Dude who loved her secretly, greasy-hair and all. This stereotype cannot stay transformed by the end of the book, otherwise the good guy wouldn't win and if that happened the whole of the human race might simultaneously die out. And it would also send out the Very Bad Message - sometimes outer bauty is hotter than inner beauty. Usually she learns her lessen; she was beautiful in the baggy tracksuit and stops plucking her eyebrows as severly. Of course she also discovers that once in a while tight clothes are not evil, soul-sucking garments.
Most books have at least one character who fits into at least one of these stereotypes. The better ones can make them fit two or even three. (Though I don't know how an emo cheerleader would work out).
4) Fashion speak in books. Trying to appeal to the average-wage-earning reader, or readers with average-wage-earning parents. Let them know just what life is like for the rich and the spoilt, who despite having every designer item ever dreamed of, are unhappy and sad and just want to really connect with people. They are humans underneath all that DesignerName makeup, DesignerName sunglasses, DesignerName clothes and DesignerName shoes. Really and truly. All books based on cliques have this, even if the people making up the cliques are 8 years old.
5) Books that blatently rip off other, better novels. I am sorry, but how did they even get published? Are their editors and agents stupid? Have they never read the original? Do they not see the similarities? It could be that they do, but they also see M-O-N-E-Y (so sexy). If it worked before it will work again. PUBLISH away. Plagerism be dammed! Actual editing be dammed!
6) Prophecies. Unless written very, very well with a nice amount of free-will debate thrown in, they are just plain shit. If the hero can't struggle with the hard stuff and only do it because they have no choice it doesn't make me want to empathize with them. Prophecies, written badly are just an easy way to make the hero do something that they wouldn't normally do. As a plot-driving tactic I do not like, unless, and I stress again, it is written well.
7) Another huge topic - angst. Or as Iike to refer to it, ANGST. Protagonists must go through hard, painful, emotionally gut-wrenching things before they can be together. If the obstacles are plot-driven I can live with that. But just to prolonge my suffering makes me want to eat the book. There is nothing standing in the way of X and Y getting together and making lots of little XX and XY babies (since in teen fiction that of course is the point of sex, more often than not). And yet, they don't, usually until the LAST page of the book. If the author wanted to end on their lovely love then it could have finished a few trees before. But no, readers love angst. I mean, we obviously do not get enough in our own lives and that fact alone must mean that we cannot survive without it. Simply talking with each other or even more basic, listening to each other is beyond most character's abilities to manage. They must wollow and even though undying love has been declared, doubt and panic and fret and fear. They secretly love angsty, angsty, angst, angst love and if they admitted it to themselves then it would give me a better opportunity to understand them or even try to relate to them. But they are always completely unaware of it and I just wonder at the depths of thier stupidity. It very nearly takes my breath away.
8) Fatally Flawed Villians. Again unless written and developed very well, their fatal flaw is nothing more than the only way for the protagonist to win. Because the Author cannot think of another way to end The Epic Battle. And why must the fatal flaws always be love? Since when is love all powerful? Surely greed or pride are better motive for a baddie. Or must baddies be soft marshmellows underneath? Take a look at Shakespeare's Iago. Now that is a proper villian.
9) Unrealistic plots. If Author creates their own fantasy world then they are allowed to have thier characters do whatever they want in that world, as long as it obeys the rules that they have created and even this is hard for most to do. For example, said Vampire and Emo chick will have sex. Vampires have no heart beat to pump blood - how can they have an errection? How can blood travel to the penis? Connundrum, is it not? But even worse are unrealistic 'human' plots. And by that I mean characters who are human with human problems. Finding out that estranged father is a billionaire/music mogul/ King/something else with a lot of moeny, resulting in out hero finindg themsels in a WHOLE NEW WORLD full of beautiful people (because only the rich are pretty. And stupid). Said beauties are also most ademently not normal. At all. But our protagonist maintains thier good heart despite all the unlimited spending power. And the opposite is just as ridiculous. Having the rich want to be 'normal' and here normal is synonymous with poor. Let's go to a 'normal' high school and mingle with the commoners. PAH.
10) Dumbing down the heros for the the sake of the stupid people, i.e. us readers. Plot points are told over and over and over again and characters are obtuse ALL THE TIME just to make sure that readers understand everything. I know this may be a surprise to many YA authors BUT WE ARE NOT STUPID. For one thing we can read. We understood the Major Plot Revelation the first time it was revealed. And I, for one care about trees - stop wasting paper by repeating yourself. WE GET IT.
Well that is my list. And I had more fun then I think I should have in writing it. I do love a good rant every now and again (that's a lie- I love it all the time). I also want to add that stereotypes aren't all that bad. They do exist for a reason and have some slight grain of truth in them. I just want more authors to write about people who are pretty and smart and can wield a sword and kick some butt, with a smile on their face. And by people I mean girls. Boys have had it easy. If they do anything to save the day they are not described as feisty. *Shudder* I hate that word. When boys need rescuing on a regular basis, I will be more happy. The trend is chaning, but still too often authors, especially female authors, write abouot female characters who are lacking in every way. To those authors who are brave enough to swim against the current, I thank you.
Live long and prosper
xoxo