(no subject)
Pristinae: Hey.
Gothicgrlz: hola. why does it never tell me that yoU are on?!?!
Pristinae: I am invisible.
Pristinae: See?
Gothicgrlz: ...
Gothicgrlz: no no I don't
Gothicgrlz: lol
Gothicgrlz: oh ok, got ya
Gothicgrlz: that's werid
Pristinae: Aren't you in California right now?
Gothicgrlz: no no, I'm back
Pristinae: Already?
Gothicgrlz: yup. got back satuday night
Pristinae: Wow. So, have you found more tolerance?
Gothicgrlz: tolerance? for what? people? alcohol? drugs? women?
Pristinae: Before you left, you were very very restless and couldn't wait to get out.
Pristinae: Must be quite a monologue.
Gothicgrlz: oh, well, I'm glad I got out, but I realized that I need to stay there. I need to keep me away from myself. I know it sounds like running from my problems but it is my only choice at this point. So I'm trying to keep busy by reading and cleaning and keeping away from the parents
Gothicgrlz: the only problem is, every time I try to think, I end up getting more confused. I either end up doing something else to keep busy, or fall asleep in hopes of freeing myself from this world
Gothicgrlz: it's confusting
Gothicgrlz: *can't spell
Gothicgrlz: and, I dunno why I am having such a hard time with this
Gothicgrlz: and I am confused about what I want out of life
Gothicgrlz: and what goals I should set
Gothicgrlz: and who I should talk to
Gothicgrlz: and what I should strive to acheive
Gothicgrlz: I'm just lost
Gothicgrlz: and so the only thing I know right now is me
Gothicgrlz: I know who I am and nothing more
Pristinae: Cierra, you are tackling mountains. And you are a mountain-climber, but it sounds like you are trying to take on too much.
Pristinae: You are clearly at the breaking point.
Gothicgrlz: yes. I feel like a jacket with a zipper that someone is trying to take off... but they have failed to realize that there is a zipper. I'm being torn in all directions, in a fury, in a small amount of hate.
Pristinae: You need to get back to the basics. And people need to leave you alone. It sounds like you need some alone time to yourself so you can get back on balance.
Pristinae: Now I see why you needed to get out of here.
Gothicgrlz: Too true. But for some reason, I am dreading that alone time. I can't bring myself to be with me. Not here. When I was in the hotel, on the balcony, all alone, everything was so clear, but there is something in the air here. I can't see anything clearly here.
Pristinae: I know what you mean. I can concentrate much easier away from El Paso. There is just so much here we are too familiar with. It very easily clouds judgement.
Gothicgrlz: indeed. But I have to do it. I have to focus. I just have to stop wasting life like this. I'm becoming exactly the opposite of what I wanted to be. And I need to nip it in the bud. Life is too mechanical for me. I need to stop this cycle.
Gothicgrlz: hola. why does it never tell me that yoU are on?!?!
Pristinae: I am invisible.
Pristinae: See?
Gothicgrlz: ...
Gothicgrlz: no no I don't
Gothicgrlz: lol
Gothicgrlz: oh ok, got ya
Gothicgrlz: that's werid
Pristinae: Aren't you in California right now?
Gothicgrlz: no no, I'm back
Pristinae: Already?
Gothicgrlz: yup. got back satuday night
Pristinae: Wow. So, have you found more tolerance?
Gothicgrlz: tolerance? for what? people? alcohol? drugs? women?
Pristinae: Before you left, you were very very restless and couldn't wait to get out.
Pristinae: Must be quite a monologue.
Gothicgrlz: oh, well, I'm glad I got out, but I realized that I need to stay there. I need to keep me away from myself. I know it sounds like running from my problems but it is my only choice at this point. So I'm trying to keep busy by reading and cleaning and keeping away from the parents
Gothicgrlz: the only problem is, every time I try to think, I end up getting more confused. I either end up doing something else to keep busy, or fall asleep in hopes of freeing myself from this world
Gothicgrlz: it's confusting
Gothicgrlz: *can't spell
Gothicgrlz: and, I dunno why I am having such a hard time with this
Gothicgrlz: and I am confused about what I want out of life
Gothicgrlz: and what goals I should set
Gothicgrlz: and who I should talk to
Gothicgrlz: and what I should strive to acheive
Gothicgrlz: I'm just lost
Gothicgrlz: and so the only thing I know right now is me
Gothicgrlz: I know who I am and nothing more
Pristinae: Cierra, you are tackling mountains. And you are a mountain-climber, but it sounds like you are trying to take on too much.
Pristinae: You are clearly at the breaking point.
Gothicgrlz: yes. I feel like a jacket with a zipper that someone is trying to take off... but they have failed to realize that there is a zipper. I'm being torn in all directions, in a fury, in a small amount of hate.
Pristinae: You need to get back to the basics. And people need to leave you alone. It sounds like you need some alone time to yourself so you can get back on balance.
Pristinae: Now I see why you needed to get out of here.
Gothicgrlz: Too true. But for some reason, I am dreading that alone time. I can't bring myself to be with me. Not here. When I was in the hotel, on the balcony, all alone, everything was so clear, but there is something in the air here. I can't see anything clearly here.
Pristinae: I know what you mean. I can concentrate much easier away from El Paso. There is just so much here we are too familiar with. It very easily clouds judgement.
Gothicgrlz: indeed. But I have to do it. I have to focus. I just have to stop wasting life like this. I'm becoming exactly the opposite of what I wanted to be. And I need to nip it in the bud. Life is too mechanical for me. I need to stop this cycle.