I Will Rise Again...& Again
Dear CFIDS,
We must establish something once & for all: you are a squatter. You showed up when I was 17 &
didn’t’ know any better. You were subtle, & patient, & persistent, & damned greedy, but make no
mistake about it, you were never invited. You will never be a welcome quest. Even in the trashiest,
most violent B-movies, the most lurid myth-monster-matinee vampires require an invitation before
crossing the threshold to drain their prey of all life & joy & creativity. Not so with you.
You are a thief…and not a rakish rogue…just a cruel, violent hood. Your greed knows no limits. Not
content with siphoning away every ounce of energy I once possessed, you violated the sanctum of my
memory with your relentless campaign of rifling and reordering the files, even deleting data; but it was
your penchant for gaslighting me - altering my memories, my thoughts, my perceptions, my moods, to
suit your wretched whims - that hurt the most.
Don’t seem so surprised. The pain is only pain after all. I scream, I cry, I endure. Voila!
You interfere with everything. All my relationships, all creative endeavor, my comings and goings, -
there’s no escaping you. But you don’t own me, damn it. I am more than what you’ve made me. Every
day, I am a phoenix. Every day I rise. I am shaken…& stirred…& shaking… & so what? I am. Despite all
your best efforts, I am.
Whatever anyone may think, I am.
No matter how I burn…
… I rise …
…I am …
Never yours,
M.