(no subject)
i can't believe its come to this.
its so easy not to say no.
its not something, its not a feeling where one wants to ... die. no. its something else. but the actions play against you. they lie. and there is... you are left with this. and secrets and fear ans shame and what would happen if someone found out? and you tell them but they dont know.
i feel this way again
i feel this way every night
i want it to just go away
i want it to jsut go away.
saying good bye last night was too hard. it was almost impossible. i cant let go when i finally get it back.
i feel dirty and sick and i want it to stop. i want the world to go away and i dont want anyone to axplain this to me. i dont fucking care why i feel this way just make me not feel it. just make me not feel. if i feel i feel dirty. clean me. i just make myself more filthy.
i feel like i'm going crazy.
i'll wake up in the morning and all will be different. ... i hope. it mostly is.
something is happening.
im letting go?
help me hide it and be open at the same time. cure me without judging me? i'm so unhappy with myself. i feel disgusting. i'm so afraid of what's going to happen. im so afraid of everything.
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do.
Then hurt me,
Then hurt me,
Then hurt me...
make this feeling just go away. i dont know how to do this like a normal person. i just want to slip back into old ... its killing me not to and just making the solutions worse.
its almost worse being only at night. because its so unacxcessible otherwise. i cant tap into it and help it when its not here. its like it doesnt exist. i cant try to explain or understand it. but i know... i know it comes back. and it takes hold and its like i'm a different person. like a fucking boomerange. everything was going so well? why cant this jsut be easy?
its so easy not to say no.
its not something, its not a feeling where one wants to ... die. no. its something else. but the actions play against you. they lie. and there is... you are left with this. and secrets and fear ans shame and what would happen if someone found out? and you tell them but they dont know.
i feel this way again
i feel this way every night
i want it to just go away
i want it to jsut go away.
saying good bye last night was too hard. it was almost impossible. i cant let go when i finally get it back.
i feel dirty and sick and i want it to stop. i want the world to go away and i dont want anyone to axplain this to me. i dont fucking care why i feel this way just make me not feel it. just make me not feel. if i feel i feel dirty. clean me. i just make myself more filthy.
i feel like i'm going crazy.
i'll wake up in the morning and all will be different. ... i hope. it mostly is.
something is happening.
im letting go?
help me hide it and be open at the same time. cure me without judging me? i'm so unhappy with myself. i feel disgusting. i'm so afraid of what's going to happen. im so afraid of everything.
Do you like to hurt?
I do, I do.
Then hurt me,
Then hurt me,
Then hurt me...
make this feeling just go away. i dont know how to do this like a normal person. i just want to slip back into old ... its killing me not to and just making the solutions worse.
its almost worse being only at night. because its so unacxcessible otherwise. i cant tap into it and help it when its not here. its like it doesnt exist. i cant try to explain or understand it. but i know... i know it comes back. and it takes hold and its like i'm a different person. like a fucking boomerange. everything was going so well? why cant this jsut be easy?