(no subject)
0.o why am I blogging here? HAHA weirdom.
Boy, what changes. This year has so many drastic changes I appreciate consistency more and more. There's someone who gives me that consistency and provides me that anchoring, so I'm grateful for that.
I used to care a lot about certain things like my blogs, but now I hardly bother. So after a long period of stagnancy etc I randomly decided to check out my statcounter (i haven't visited that page in a gazillion years) and found this referring link from another certain person who started the chain of, hmm, exposure? you can call it. First steps and all. Smsing back and forth with him was fun, but as with things they change, people become cold, you lose contact and now I don't even have his number. I've been wondering whether I should go ask for it again, but on the other hand I can't think of what I would do with it.
Sure is interesting to go to his blog and compare and contrast; changes are cool to look at if you're not the one being affected by them. He ceased being significant a long time ago, which is just as well since it was one-sided overreading etc etc I don't care now. I think I'm blogging here cause this blog seems to have a huge part of him inside, crushes, resentment, confusion, whatever. I cringe at the things I used to write -.- like hey, ZOMG MY STUFF SUCKED THAT MUCH?
Stay a child with me-- in many ways I still am a child perhaps, in my behaviour towards others-- when I get high I do anything that comes to mind, impulsive, and that's childish cause supposedly "mature" adults have to think for some 516574897 years before they do anything (sad lives yes). But as compared to say, sec two and younger, I'm definitely more than I was. It took the sacrifice of certain grades for that. Do I regret? --no. Like I said, I've been happier this past one and half years than at any other period, though I've also gotten to know a spectrum of other emotions which affect deeper than anything else I've experienced. He was the start of the start of the start, sec two midyear; I realize now we were both so young and so child-like. I think that factors a little; I think I liked him cause he seemed like such a little boy sometimes. Heh. It could be that warmth, maybe. -reminisces- Far away, far away!
I've come a long way from two years ago, -shields eyes and looks at road- but not long enough.
New beginnings? I've moved on from anyone long ago, but that doesn't mean I've moved on to anyone. Maybe I'm thinking about it, maybe I'm just stuck in between, maybe I'm confused about stuff, but it doesn't bother me too much-- just let things be, I think. Am I taking this the right way? Am I too numb to feel?
Isolation. I'm not trying hard enough to stop this, and there seems to be no impetus to change the status quo. Maybe I'm just tired.