Battle Of The Mind
so once again my mind is being my greatest enemy. something is going down and i can't quite figure it out. i am having trouble just "being"...have you ever wanted to just "be"? i would like to, but my mind is deciding to be a dick right now and make me all restless and unhappy like.
top issue, as always...my weight...ok so all of a sudden i am pretty sure that i have gained back all the weight i lost in the winter. i am finding it harder and harder to stick to my meal plans. i am still under the mind set that it is all or nothing...which isn't good. stupid things and events keep getting in the way. every wednesday i have to attend the roaming patio party, which is great fun and i have a good time...but the food there is sooo bad! it's never anything healthy. then the backyard bbq doesn't help. i love going to those, but again...burgers, sausages, fatty potato salad etc. then there's me grocery shopping...i have got to stop my impulse buying of food...i have to take control of that little voice that says "woah lady, pull the reigns...do you really NEED that, or do you just WANT it?" damn sweet tooth...leave me alone! i don't need all that sugar.
my next issue - money. so i am doing better then i was about 2-3 weeks ago, but i am still not close to where i would like to be. i can't help but thinks - i'm 21, almost 22 and i can't even support myself. this is the first time in a long time that i have had to use my parents mastercard to pay for my own groceries at camp...how sad is that? i can't afford to buy my own food, but all of a sudden i can buy clothes, lunch one day and other shit like that? it doesn't make sense. i don't need anymore clothes of any kind what so ever. i don't need anything! i should just be a hermit and as soon as i am done work, come back to camp and herm it up.
there's another thing...i haven't gotten ANY sun yet this summer...NONE! i am going to get some this saturday and sunday, but i mean come on...it's almost the end of july...i've been living at camp since may and this is the first time i will be getting any rays at all?? very very sad. i haven't even swam in the lake yet! i am getting so frustrated and burnt out!
now there is a problem with one of my rats...it's either a tumour or an infection...but either way i am bringing it to the vet on friday. i gave them a bath yesterday. it was really cute.
i believe i have ranted enough...i am just pissed off, frustrated and unhappy right now...and it sucks.
top issue, as always...my weight...ok so all of a sudden i am pretty sure that i have gained back all the weight i lost in the winter. i am finding it harder and harder to stick to my meal plans. i am still under the mind set that it is all or nothing...which isn't good. stupid things and events keep getting in the way. every wednesday i have to attend the roaming patio party, which is great fun and i have a good time...but the food there is sooo bad! it's never anything healthy. then the backyard bbq doesn't help. i love going to those, but again...burgers, sausages, fatty potato salad etc. then there's me grocery shopping...i have got to stop my impulse buying of food...i have to take control of that little voice that says "woah lady, pull the reigns...do you really NEED that, or do you just WANT it?" damn sweet tooth...leave me alone! i don't need all that sugar.
my next issue - money. so i am doing better then i was about 2-3 weeks ago, but i am still not close to where i would like to be. i can't help but thinks - i'm 21, almost 22 and i can't even support myself. this is the first time in a long time that i have had to use my parents mastercard to pay for my own groceries at camp...how sad is that? i can't afford to buy my own food, but all of a sudden i can buy clothes, lunch one day and other shit like that? it doesn't make sense. i don't need anymore clothes of any kind what so ever. i don't need anything! i should just be a hermit and as soon as i am done work, come back to camp and herm it up.
there's another thing...i haven't gotten ANY sun yet this summer...NONE! i am going to get some this saturday and sunday, but i mean come on...it's almost the end of july...i've been living at camp since may and this is the first time i will be getting any rays at all?? very very sad. i haven't even swam in the lake yet! i am getting so frustrated and burnt out!
now there is a problem with one of my rats...it's either a tumour or an infection...but either way i am bringing it to the vet on friday. i gave them a bath yesterday. it was really cute.
i believe i have ranted enough...i am just pissed off, frustrated and unhappy right now...and it sucks.