(no subject)
You don't listen, you are sooooo stupid, and you are soooo selfish. omg i can't believe you. quit running scared. quit running away and stand up for yourself, for what you want to be. you find all these quotes on lifestyles and you can never live up to them. you really need to grow up, i am furious right now thinking about what you supposedly are thinking/feeling. what the hell. EVERYONE IS SCARED. you don't think it scares me to completely subject myself to this torture, and that is scares me because everytime my friends talk to me they just want me to get over this, and make things better, and that since i'm not going along with that, maybe they'll just say SCrew you chelsea, and then i'll be left with no one. but i don't just run away from my problems. why do you feel so compelled to leave me out of your life. this is what it is all about you not wanting to fucking let me in. when i'm supposed to be the one you welcome with open arms into every detail of your life. what am i supposed to think or do? you don't want my sympathy, no that's bullshit. reality checks are a bitch, i know it. but how could you not tell me. how can you even do this to me.
I AM THE ONE SUPPOSED TO BE SUPPORTING YOU, AND GOING WITH YOU TO THE HOSPITAL AND LETTING YOU CRY ON MY SHOULDER AND BEING WITH YOU, AND KNOWING YOUR PAIN, AND BITCHING YOUR MOM OUT FOR YOU, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER, AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE AT YOUR HOUSE ALL THE TIME AND TELLIN DAVID TO SHOVE OFF BECAUSE IT'S MY TIME NOW, AND TELLING HIM HE'S A JERK, AND TELLIN HIM DUDE LET'S TOTALLY BE CRAZY TODAY. I'M THE ONE SUPPOSED TO BE BY YOUR SIDE AT ALL TIMES. BUT YOU DON'T FUCKING LET ME BE ANYMORE, YOU DON'T SHOW THAT YOU WANT ME TO BE THERE. YOU DON'T FOLLOW WHAT YOU SAY, BECAUSE YOU SAYS BEST FRIENDS MEANS FRIENDS FOREVER AND I'M ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER? SERIOUSLY YOU HAVEN'T STRIVED TO KEEP THIS FRIENDSHIP FOREVER, IT'S BEEN SINCE CHRISTMAS SINCE WE'VE TALKED. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO FIX THAT, CALLED A COUPLE TIMES WITH HEY WHAT'S UP? IT TOOK YOU TWO MONTHS TO CALL AND APOLOGIZE, BUT REALLY THAT'S NOT ENOUGH ANYMORE. AND YOUR ALWAYS HERE FOR ME? YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME REALLY. AND YOU HAVEN'T MADE EFFORT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME EITHER? SO WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU HERE FOR ME FOR. AND I KNOW THAT I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU, BUT IF YOU REMEMBER, I HAVE ALWAYS ASKED YOU AND MADE SURE I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU, YOU DON'T TRY HARD ENOUGH TO KNOW WHATS UP WITH ME, AND I'LL ADMIT ITS NOT EASY FOR ME TO SPILL MY REAL PERSONAL SHIT, BUT YOU DON'T GET PAST A ARE YOU SURE YOUR OKAY? AND I KNOW THAT I HAVE MADE IT A POINT AND ALWAYS SAID I'M HERE FOR YOU, BUT AGAIN YOU DON'T WANT ME TO BE, BECAUSE WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU NOT TELL ME ABOUT YOU AND DAVID, WHY THE HELL NOT. AND WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU NOT TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAD, JESSICA IT'S YOUR DAD THE ONE PERSON YOU CARE MOST FOR IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, YOU ARE NOT TAKING THIS GOOD, NO ONE WOULD TAKE IT GOOD, YOU NEED SUPPORT AND HELP, I KNOW YOU DO BECAUSE I SEE YOU GETTING IT FROM ABBEE, MEAG, VAL, ASHLEY, AND KAREN. YEA FUCK YOU FOR NOT TELLING ME. FUCK YOU. YOU DON'T WANT ME TO JUST START TALKING TO YOU BECAUSE OF SYMPATHY. WHAT THE FUCK DOES A FUCKING FRIEND DO? WHAT PART OF " NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, EVEN IF WE NEVER TALK AGAIN, I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU, COME TO ME AND JUST FUCKING TELL ME THAT YOU NEED SOMEONE, AND I WILL FUCKING BE THERE." I SAID IT WHEN WE FOUGHT BEFORE AND I'VE SAID IT SO MANY TIMES. SO YOU DO KNOW THAT'S HOW I FEEL. OBVIOUSLY IF YOU KNOW THIS, AND WITH WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOUR DAD, YOU DON'T NEED ME. YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ME. YOU'VE ONCE AGAIN PUT ME IN A POSITION THAT I CANNOT STAND. IT'S ME WHOSE NOT TALKING TO YOU, WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING COME TALK TO ME. DON'T TELL OTHERS OR ME YOUR SCARED, BECAUSE THAT'S FUCKING RETARDED, YOU DON'T THINK IM SCARED. AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO YOU AND COME OVER TO BE THERE FOR YOU, WHEN YOUR MOST VUNERABLE, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO BE DOING, I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY GOTTEN THE HINT. BUT WHEN YOU DONT EVEN TELL ME HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW. IF YOUR TO SCARED TO TALK TO ME HOW CAN THIS WORK?
QUIT BEING AFRAID. I SWEAR THEY'VE MADE A NEW PHOBIA ITS CALED: FRIENDSTHATHELPYOUOUTNAMEDCHELSEASMITHNIA
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE TO YOU, THAT MAKES YOU NOT WANT TO TALK TO ME, WHAT MAKES YOU SO AFRIAD TO TELL ME THINGS. CUZ IT NEVER USED TO BE LIKE THIS WAY BACK WHEN THE WORLD WAS ROUND AND SPINNING JUST FINE. THEN IT FEEL LIKE HIGH SCHOOL HIT, AND THE NEW FAD WAS DON'T TELL YOU BEST FRIEND ANYTHING. AND YOU JUST WENT WITH THE CROWD, CUZ IT'S THE COOL THING TO DO. BECAUSE YOU NEVER WANNA TELL ME ANYTHING, YOUR ALWAYS AFRIAD TO SAY THINGS TO ME. I CAN NAME SO MANY THINGS THAT YOU JUST LIKE TO LEAVE OUT OF THE CONVERSATION, THAT ARE ACTUAL HUGE CONCTRETE THINGS TO TELL YOU BEST FRIEND.
i'm scared out of my mind for your father. i don't even want to think about him at all, it makes me so uncomfortable. i know how much he means to you, and i know how much you love him. when i fucking got a call, i couldn't help but connect your crying message to your dad and i was fucking scared out of my mind, what was i to do, what's wrong with him and will he be okay and what am i going to do. i was so mad at you for not telling me, but most of all i was mad at myself because i'm not talking to you and how could i do that, i'be been so unsure of myself and this just makes me not want to be me anymore. i just can't think about it anymore tonight i'm balling to much and can't go on
I AM THE ONE SUPPOSED TO BE SUPPORTING YOU, AND GOING WITH YOU TO THE HOSPITAL AND LETTING YOU CRY ON MY SHOULDER AND BEING WITH YOU, AND KNOWING YOUR PAIN, AND BITCHING YOUR MOM OUT FOR YOU, SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH HER, AND I'M SUPPOSED TO BE AT YOUR HOUSE ALL THE TIME AND TELLIN DAVID TO SHOVE OFF BECAUSE IT'S MY TIME NOW, AND TELLING HIM HE'S A JERK, AND TELLIN HIM DUDE LET'S TOTALLY BE CRAZY TODAY. I'M THE ONE SUPPOSED TO BE BY YOUR SIDE AT ALL TIMES. BUT YOU DON'T FUCKING LET ME BE ANYMORE, YOU DON'T SHOW THAT YOU WANT ME TO BE THERE. YOU DON'T FOLLOW WHAT YOU SAY, BECAUSE YOU SAYS BEST FRIENDS MEANS FRIENDS FOREVER AND I'M ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU. WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER? SERIOUSLY YOU HAVEN'T STRIVED TO KEEP THIS FRIENDSHIP FOREVER, IT'S BEEN SINCE CHRISTMAS SINCE WE'VE TALKED. WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO FIX THAT, CALLED A COUPLE TIMES WITH HEY WHAT'S UP? IT TOOK YOU TWO MONTHS TO CALL AND APOLOGIZE, BUT REALLY THAT'S NOT ENOUGH ANYMORE. AND YOUR ALWAYS HERE FOR ME? YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT ME REALLY. AND YOU HAVEN'T MADE EFFORT TO KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH ME EITHER? SO WHAT EXACTLY ARE YOU HERE FOR ME FOR. AND I KNOW THAT I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU, BUT IF YOU REMEMBER, I HAVE ALWAYS ASKED YOU AND MADE SURE I KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH YOU, YOU DON'T TRY HARD ENOUGH TO KNOW WHATS UP WITH ME, AND I'LL ADMIT ITS NOT EASY FOR ME TO SPILL MY REAL PERSONAL SHIT, BUT YOU DON'T GET PAST A ARE YOU SURE YOUR OKAY? AND I KNOW THAT I HAVE MADE IT A POINT AND ALWAYS SAID I'M HERE FOR YOU, BUT AGAIN YOU DON'T WANT ME TO BE, BECAUSE WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU NOT TELL ME ABOUT YOU AND DAVID, WHY THE HELL NOT. AND WHY THE HELL WOULD YOU NOT TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAD, JESSICA IT'S YOUR DAD THE ONE PERSON YOU CARE MOST FOR IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, YOU ARE NOT TAKING THIS GOOD, NO ONE WOULD TAKE IT GOOD, YOU NEED SUPPORT AND HELP, I KNOW YOU DO BECAUSE I SEE YOU GETTING IT FROM ABBEE, MEAG, VAL, ASHLEY, AND KAREN. YEA FUCK YOU FOR NOT TELLING ME. FUCK YOU. YOU DON'T WANT ME TO JUST START TALKING TO YOU BECAUSE OF SYMPATHY. WHAT THE FUCK DOES A FUCKING FRIEND DO? WHAT PART OF " NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, EVEN IF WE NEVER TALK AGAIN, I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU, COME TO ME AND JUST FUCKING TELL ME THAT YOU NEED SOMEONE, AND I WILL FUCKING BE THERE." I SAID IT WHEN WE FOUGHT BEFORE AND I'VE SAID IT SO MANY TIMES. SO YOU DO KNOW THAT'S HOW I FEEL. OBVIOUSLY IF YOU KNOW THIS, AND WITH WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO YOUR DAD, YOU DON'T NEED ME. YOU DON'T WANT TO TALK TO ME. YOU'VE ONCE AGAIN PUT ME IN A POSITION THAT I CANNOT STAND. IT'S ME WHOSE NOT TALKING TO YOU, WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING COME TALK TO ME. DON'T TELL OTHERS OR ME YOUR SCARED, BECAUSE THAT'S FUCKING RETARDED, YOU DON'T THINK IM SCARED. AM I SUPPOSED TO TALK TO YOU AND COME OVER TO BE THERE FOR YOU, WHEN YOUR MOST VUNERABLE, BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO BE DOING, I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY GOTTEN THE HINT. BUT WHEN YOU DONT EVEN TELL ME HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW. IF YOUR TO SCARED TO TALK TO ME HOW CAN THIS WORK?
QUIT BEING AFRAID. I SWEAR THEY'VE MADE A NEW PHOBIA ITS CALED: FRIENDSTHATHELPYOUOUTNAMEDCHELSEASMITHNIA
I WANT TO KNOW WHAT I'VE DONE TO YOU, THAT MAKES YOU NOT WANT TO TALK TO ME, WHAT MAKES YOU SO AFRIAD TO TELL ME THINGS. CUZ IT NEVER USED TO BE LIKE THIS WAY BACK WHEN THE WORLD WAS ROUND AND SPINNING JUST FINE. THEN IT FEEL LIKE HIGH SCHOOL HIT, AND THE NEW FAD WAS DON'T TELL YOU BEST FRIEND ANYTHING. AND YOU JUST WENT WITH THE CROWD, CUZ IT'S THE COOL THING TO DO. BECAUSE YOU NEVER WANNA TELL ME ANYTHING, YOUR ALWAYS AFRIAD TO SAY THINGS TO ME. I CAN NAME SO MANY THINGS THAT YOU JUST LIKE TO LEAVE OUT OF THE CONVERSATION, THAT ARE ACTUAL HUGE CONCTRETE THINGS TO TELL YOU BEST FRIEND.
i'm scared out of my mind for your father. i don't even want to think about him at all, it makes me so uncomfortable. i know how much he means to you, and i know how much you love him. when i fucking got a call, i couldn't help but connect your crying message to your dad and i was fucking scared out of my mind, what was i to do, what's wrong with him and will he be okay and what am i going to do. i was so mad at you for not telling me, but most of all i was mad at myself because i'm not talking to you and how could i do that, i'be been so unsure of myself and this just makes me not want to be me anymore. i just can't think about it anymore tonight i'm balling to much and can't go on