(no subject)

Dec 06, 2008 12:39

I cannot possible explain how much I do not want to go home for winter break.  My aunt who had cancer, and was in remission all summer, has a giant fucking tumor in her lung again (who the hell would be surprised by that after she started smoking a pack a day again?).  My other aunt, the one I actually like and get along with really well is still in the hospital from having two tumors taken out on Wednesday (which, thank god, neither were cancerous).  Of course, she doesn't have insurance, so we've been waiting to get her in the hospital for like 5 months under a special program that will help pay for all the bills, bc that shit is expensive.

My cousin, one of my good aunt's daughters, is at home taking care of both at the hospital, and will be there until the 15th, at which point it's then up to my incredibly helpless father and my mom, who really doesn't care about cancer!aunt either.  They've decided not to treat her again, 1) because she has medicare, so we have to pay a lot for treatment, and 2) because it's not going to make her much better.  So of course, we are now going to have to do home hospice to take care of her, so my other aunt doesn't kill herself trying to help out any way she can, all the while still recovering.  Cancer!aunt is basically a replay of my grandmother just a few years ago -- telling everyone that we treat her like a prisoner, and of course her broke-ass, crack-addict son is begging all of us for money, which, as he knows, none of us have.

I'm so tired of this fucking family.  I love my mom and dad.  I miss when it was just us.  I even love my one aunt, who actually cares what is going on, can carry a conversation, and isn't selfish to the core.  I just don't know how I'm going to last 4 weeks in my ridiculous home, that's not a home anymore, for what will probably be the last time for any extended length of time.  I even asked my parents not to bring cancer!aunt to graduation (which now, there's a distinct possibility she won't even be alive for), because I wanted to be able to celebrate the first big thing I've been able to do in my life without dealing with her.

And I don't really care how selfish it all sounds.
Previous post Next post
Up