I need to stop coming home ....
This is freaking ridiculous. Seriously.
So, as some of you know, one of my aunts (who lives with me here at home), was diagnosed with lung cancer just after Christmas last year. She had 2 strokes prior to that, and was not able to live on her own following those, and the cancer really only made the situation worse. Also living with us is my other aunt (the first aunt's twin sister, and my mom's sister), who takes care of her, etc., on a daily basis.
I've never really gotten along with my aunt who got lung cancer, even before she got sick following her strokes. She's a lot like my grandmother was, pretty much not caring about anyone else but herself, being a general bitch to anyone around her who wants her to do anything at all, etc.. She pretty much sleeps all day, refuses to get up, and then sits on the couch all day when she does finally wake up around 4pm, refuses to play with the cat we got her, will not eat anything anyone cooks for her, orders the most expensive things off the menu at a restaurant, then doesn't eat .... the list goes on and on. She also has Type 1 Diabetes, so, that only further complicates the situation.
My mom and I have spent pretty much the whole summer arguing about the fact that she still smokes. I can't honestly believe that this is OK in anyone's head -- why on earth would you let someone who just spent 4 months undergoing surgery, chemo, and radiation for lung cancer that metastasized in her brain smoke almost a pack a day? Especially since the doctors are refusing further treatment on her, because she refuses to follow their orders. Seriously?! NO!
So that's been a source of frustration for most of the summer, along with the normal crap I have to put up with with my dad being all helpless whenever I'm around. For fucks sake, father, you can stand up and grab your own cigarettes from the cabinet sitting right next to you.
Then, to make matters worse, a few weeks ago we found out that my other aunt (the one I actually like a lot, who takes care of lung!cancer aunt) has tumors in her thyroid that need to be taken out. So, you know, that was awesome. Then Monday, she basically couldn't get out of bed. And that pretty much causes my house to shut down. She does the laundry, cleans, and cooks dinner pretty much every night, along with taking care of my aunt (and my dad). She was so sick that my mom stayed home from work yesterday to help take care of her. She seemed like she was getting better, so my mom planned to go to work today. At some point this morning, when I was still completely out cold, they decided that she needed to go to the emergency room. She has no health insurance, so it was something we wanted to avoid as much as possible. Now, my mom calls and says that she has a tumor elsewhere. Great. Thank you Jesus for giving everyone in my family cancer or some other terminal/debilitating illness. Fuck.
My mom is freaking out, because she knows that my dad can't take care of himself all day, let alone two women, one in remission, and one with active cancer. It's also ridiculously expensive. Bryn Mawr finally got at least part of the stick out of their asses and gave me some semblance of a financial aid package, but definitely not enough, so on top of the 200,000 dollars of loans my mom is paying, we now have a ridiculous amount of medical bills on the way.
And all the while, all I can think about is the fact that I am so happy to be leaving in 3 weeks. I feel terrible about making my mom deal with all of this, but then again, I don't. Honestly, she has no fucking logic when it comes to any of this shit. All common sense leaves her head when it comes to her family, and I've never understood it. It sounds terrible, but if this had to happen, I would rather this happen now than last summer, when I knew I was coming back for visits, etc. This shit is so fucking ridiculous, I just had to write it down somewhere. I seriously have never looked forward to coming back to school more than this year. I love my family, deep down, I know I do, but I can't deal with this shit anymore. It's too much. About the only thing that's cheering me up right now is the fact that I have a new JoBros moodtheme that's absolutely awesome, and that these guys are on the new cover of Rolling Stone. I don't care how fucking ridiculous that sounds, but it's made my day a lot brighter, so, whatever.