HSP
I want to write a bit about my life, my nervous system, and my internal processing mostly because I am curious as to how much of this is unique to me and how much others may be able to relate to. This is going to start very 'rough draft' and knowing me (as I do), I will probably share it before it is polished :p .
When I was a baby, my mother said that I didn't like to be held. She took this as rejection and it made her feel bad. And I believe that my sensitivity also meant that I could feel that my mother felt rejected. The truth is that it is because my nervous system is highly sensitive and I interpreted touch as painful. This is my interpretation because as I grew older, I can remember that touch did seem painful. I was very 'jumpy' and had "symptoms" which could also be explained by things such as PTSD. I do have a history of sexual abuse but I do not feel that the over-development of my nervous system is due to this abuse. In fact, it feels invalidating to me to attribute this to sexual abuse especially since it occurred prior to any abuse. I have always been hyper-sensitive to sounds. I hated fire crackers and high pitched sounds as well. I LOVE music and always have but it has to be 'on my terms' because my system can easily be overstimulated by sounds. Sometimes I like listening to loud music and other times it feels like it is tearing my nerves to shreds (even if it is not loud). The sound of styrofoam (even if very gently touched) makes my stomach turn and feels as if I could throw up. There are not words to adequately describe the feeling that this elicits.
I will continue more later because I know that others want to know why I consider this a gift and I want to know how many others have experienced some of the things I have experienced. Like most people in today's society my time is shorter than I would like so I will take time when I have it to add to this journal.
When I was a baby, my mother said that I didn't like to be held. She took this as rejection and it made her feel bad. And I believe that my sensitivity also meant that I could feel that my mother felt rejected. The truth is that it is because my nervous system is highly sensitive and I interpreted touch as painful. This is my interpretation because as I grew older, I can remember that touch did seem painful. I was very 'jumpy' and had "symptoms" which could also be explained by things such as PTSD. I do have a history of sexual abuse but I do not feel that the over-development of my nervous system is due to this abuse. In fact, it feels invalidating to me to attribute this to sexual abuse especially since it occurred prior to any abuse. I have always been hyper-sensitive to sounds. I hated fire crackers and high pitched sounds as well. I LOVE music and always have but it has to be 'on my terms' because my system can easily be overstimulated by sounds. Sometimes I like listening to loud music and other times it feels like it is tearing my nerves to shreds (even if it is not loud). The sound of styrofoam (even if very gently touched) makes my stomach turn and feels as if I could throw up. There are not words to adequately describe the feeling that this elicits.
I will continue more later because I know that others want to know why I consider this a gift and I want to know how many others have experienced some of the things I have experienced. Like most people in today's society my time is shorter than I would like so I will take time when I have it to add to this journal.