Pray, Sleep, Repeat
Tittle: Pray, Sleep, Repeat
Author: mello_bello_91
Characters/Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel, Sam
Rating: R
Warnings: angst, language
Summary: Based off of a few lines from Running Up That Hill by Placebo
Word Count: 1011
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters!
A/N: Written for round 6: Placebo Lyrics.
It doesn't hurt me.
You wanna feel how it feels?
You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
"Dean." Castiel stood at the foot of Dean's bed, "We must speak."
"God Cas, it's like four in the morning. Could this wait till I'm actually awake?" Dean sat up in bed, being careful as to stay under the sheet, so as not to expose himself.
Castiel looked towards the window, then back at Dean. "I am being called home."
Dean had to think for a minute, "Wait, I thought you weren't aloud back in Heaven after you helped me get to Sam?"
A sad smile appeared on Castiel's lips. "They have permitted me to go home..."
"But?" Dean wanted the truth, the whole truth out of Castiel for once.
"I would not be permitted to see you again." Dean could swear he almost saw tears in Castiel's eyes.
"And you said yes." Dean felt a sharp pain in his chest.
Castiel said nothing, he just looked at Dean.
"Cas," Dean couldn't think of anything to say. He felt betrayed. He thought that he had finally gotten through to that stupid angel.
"I am sorry Dean." Castiel looked down at the ground. "I did not mean to hurt you."
"You didn't hurt me." That wasn't true. Dean was hurting, but like hell he was gonna let Castiel know that. "I don't care. It was your choice, and you chose your family, your real life, and who am I to stand in your way?"
Castiel looked back at Dean, and this time, Dean knew he saw tears. "Dean." The word was barely a whisper.
"I'm fine Castiel." He was no longer Cas. If he was Cas, he would have chosen Dean over those stupid ass angels who tried to kill him. No, he was Castiel, the faithful angel who never questioned his orders. "Do I need to prove it to you?"
Castiel shook his head. "I trust you Dean, with my life."
"And yet," Dean paused, his voicing turning like acid, "You would rather spend time with those asshole angels than with me. So, no, Castiel, you don't trust me. You just want me to think that so that you'll feel better about yourself, and wont feel so bad leaving."
"No," Tears continued to fall, "I do not wish to make myself feel better, I just wish for you to understand."
"Oh, I understand!" Dean stood up from the bed, pulling his jeans on in the process, "You just want to go back to what you know how to do, and you don't give two shits about those of us on earth who love you!" The words were out before Dean knew he said them.
"Dean?"
Dean sighed, "You want the truth, Cas?"
Castiel nodded as he stared into sad green eyes.
Another sigh, "I don't want you to go. It'll hurt like hell if you do go, but, I'll get over it...eventually." Dean placed a hand on Castiel's cheek. "If you do choose to go, know this, it wont hurt, so long as I know you're watching over me." Dean placed a soft kiss on Castiel's lips, tasting Castiel's salty tears.
"I love you too, Dean Winchester." With that, Castiel was gone, for good. Dean returned to his bed, lying back down, staring up at the ceiling, hoping that Castiel could see him. "I love you you stupid angel, whether your Castiel the faithful angel, or Cas, my angel."
----------
And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
A few months had passed since Castiel had returned to Heaven. Sam and Dean had returned to hunting things. Sure Lucifer was gone, but that didn't mean that all the demons, ghosts, and whatever else went bump in the night had gone too. There was always something to fight, something to kill. Dean hasn't changed that much since his late night/early morning meeting with the angel. The only big difference was that Dean prayed ever night to God, not to ask that he and Sam be watched after, no, Dean prayed that Castiel was safe and happy. Dean missed his angel, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to go on living, Dean Winchester did not give in to emotions, he persevered and hid his emotions. It was the Dean Winchester thing to do.
"Hey, Dean. I'm gonna go get food, you want anything?" Sam grabbed the Impala's car keys off the motel room table. Dean opened his mouth to speak, "Besides pie?"
Dean's mouth closed into a smile, "Nope, pies good."
Sam just rolled his eyes and left the room.
Dean sighed and laid his head down on his pillow. He looked up at the ceiling like he always did when he first laid down, and prayed, "God, it's Dean again, praying for the same thing I always pray for, please keep Cas safe, and please make sure he knows that I love him, and that the hurt is almost gone. Amen."
"That was very sweet." The voice was familiar, even though Dean hadn't heard it in months.
Dean quickly sat up on the bed, "Cas?"
Castiel stood leaning against the motel room door, a small smile on his face.
"I thought, you...weren't...allowed..." Dean was having a hard time forming real sentences.
Castiel suddenly appeared next to Dean on the bed, "I made a deal with my father." Castiel's hand moved to Dean's cheek. Dean leaned into Castiel's hand, placing a kiss to Castiel's palm. "So long as I do not leave you, I am allowed to stay with you."
"But," Dean was confused, a few months ago, Castiel was never allowed to see Dean, what had changed?
Castiel laughed, a soft laugh, "My father has decided that he is tired of you praying. He says you have no imagination because you said the same thing every night, word for word."
Dean smiled, "That's because I had nothing else worth praying for." Dean gently pressed his lips to Castiel's, pulling away for a few seconds just to say, "I love you," to his angel, his angel.
Castiel's smile grew, "I love you too." and he meant it, he loved his hunter, his hunter.
They sat in bed, just holding each other, until a confused Sam returned with food and pie. And, for once, Dean didn't care if he showed his emotions in front of Sam, he didn't mind being a different type of Dean Winchester for his Castiel.
Author: mello_bello_91
Characters/Pairing(s): Dean/Castiel, Sam
Rating: R
Warnings: angst, language
Summary: Based off of a few lines from Running Up That Hill by Placebo
Word Count: 1011
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters!
A/N: Written for round 6: Placebo Lyrics.
It doesn't hurt me.
You wanna feel how it feels?
You wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me?
"Dean." Castiel stood at the foot of Dean's bed, "We must speak."
"God Cas, it's like four in the morning. Could this wait till I'm actually awake?" Dean sat up in bed, being careful as to stay under the sheet, so as not to expose himself.
Castiel looked towards the window, then back at Dean. "I am being called home."
Dean had to think for a minute, "Wait, I thought you weren't aloud back in Heaven after you helped me get to Sam?"
A sad smile appeared on Castiel's lips. "They have permitted me to go home..."
"But?" Dean wanted the truth, the whole truth out of Castiel for once.
"I would not be permitted to see you again." Dean could swear he almost saw tears in Castiel's eyes.
"And you said yes." Dean felt a sharp pain in his chest.
Castiel said nothing, he just looked at Dean.
"Cas," Dean couldn't think of anything to say. He felt betrayed. He thought that he had finally gotten through to that stupid angel.
"I am sorry Dean." Castiel looked down at the ground. "I did not mean to hurt you."
"You didn't hurt me." That wasn't true. Dean was hurting, but like hell he was gonna let Castiel know that. "I don't care. It was your choice, and you chose your family, your real life, and who am I to stand in your way?"
Castiel looked back at Dean, and this time, Dean knew he saw tears. "Dean." The word was barely a whisper.
"I'm fine Castiel." He was no longer Cas. If he was Cas, he would have chosen Dean over those stupid ass angels who tried to kill him. No, he was Castiel, the faithful angel who never questioned his orders. "Do I need to prove it to you?"
Castiel shook his head. "I trust you Dean, with my life."
"And yet," Dean paused, his voicing turning like acid, "You would rather spend time with those asshole angels than with me. So, no, Castiel, you don't trust me. You just want me to think that so that you'll feel better about yourself, and wont feel so bad leaving."
"No," Tears continued to fall, "I do not wish to make myself feel better, I just wish for you to understand."
"Oh, I understand!" Dean stood up from the bed, pulling his jeans on in the process, "You just want to go back to what you know how to do, and you don't give two shits about those of us on earth who love you!" The words were out before Dean knew he said them.
"Dean?"
Dean sighed, "You want the truth, Cas?"
Castiel nodded as he stared into sad green eyes.
Another sigh, "I don't want you to go. It'll hurt like hell if you do go, but, I'll get over it...eventually." Dean placed a hand on Castiel's cheek. "If you do choose to go, know this, it wont hurt, so long as I know you're watching over me." Dean placed a soft kiss on Castiel's lips, tasting Castiel's salty tears.
"I love you too, Dean Winchester." With that, Castiel was gone, for good. Dean returned to his bed, lying back down, staring up at the ceiling, hoping that Castiel could see him. "I love you you stupid angel, whether your Castiel the faithful angel, or Cas, my angel."
----------
And if I only could,
Make a deal with God,
A few months had passed since Castiel had returned to Heaven. Sam and Dean had returned to hunting things. Sure Lucifer was gone, but that didn't mean that all the demons, ghosts, and whatever else went bump in the night had gone too. There was always something to fight, something to kill. Dean hasn't changed that much since his late night/early morning meeting with the angel. The only big difference was that Dean prayed ever night to God, not to ask that he and Sam be watched after, no, Dean prayed that Castiel was safe and happy. Dean missed his angel, but that didn't mean he wasn't going to go on living, Dean Winchester did not give in to emotions, he persevered and hid his emotions. It was the Dean Winchester thing to do.
"Hey, Dean. I'm gonna go get food, you want anything?" Sam grabbed the Impala's car keys off the motel room table. Dean opened his mouth to speak, "Besides pie?"
Dean's mouth closed into a smile, "Nope, pies good."
Sam just rolled his eyes and left the room.
Dean sighed and laid his head down on his pillow. He looked up at the ceiling like he always did when he first laid down, and prayed, "God, it's Dean again, praying for the same thing I always pray for, please keep Cas safe, and please make sure he knows that I love him, and that the hurt is almost gone. Amen."
"That was very sweet." The voice was familiar, even though Dean hadn't heard it in months.
Dean quickly sat up on the bed, "Cas?"
Castiel stood leaning against the motel room door, a small smile on his face.
"I thought, you...weren't...allowed..." Dean was having a hard time forming real sentences.
Castiel suddenly appeared next to Dean on the bed, "I made a deal with my father." Castiel's hand moved to Dean's cheek. Dean leaned into Castiel's hand, placing a kiss to Castiel's palm. "So long as I do not leave you, I am allowed to stay with you."
"But," Dean was confused, a few months ago, Castiel was never allowed to see Dean, what had changed?
Castiel laughed, a soft laugh, "My father has decided that he is tired of you praying. He says you have no imagination because you said the same thing every night, word for word."
Dean smiled, "That's because I had nothing else worth praying for." Dean gently pressed his lips to Castiel's, pulling away for a few seconds just to say, "I love you," to his angel, his angel.
Castiel's smile grew, "I love you too." and he meant it, he loved his hunter, his hunter.
They sat in bed, just holding each other, until a confused Sam returned with food and pie. And, for once, Dean didn't care if he showed his emotions in front of Sam, he didn't mind being a different type of Dean Winchester for his Castiel.