(no subject)
Regardless of my belief or lack of belief in God, the sun is setting and it is quickly becoming Yom Kippur. And I feel like a piece of shit. My parents have grounded me for sleeping too much, or reasons I don't really understand, and I don't care. I appreciate the punishment right now. I no longer hit myself for my sins and transgressions of the previous year. I don't mark the year, I don't keep track. Each day is another day and there is no past or future. I am a piece of shit. During the 10 days of repentance, I turned away every begger with a cold heart, I did things against my character, I disobeyed my parents to their knowledge, I did worse things and I feel fucking terrible and slimy and embarrassed. I am a leech on society and I have no community. I don't want to see my friends, I'm no good. I don't need God, I don't need belief, I don't need anything, I just don't know, but I just don't know. I'm a piece of shit and I don't like it.