Cold Heart or Warm Mind?
Once upon a time, I had a friend who was in a bad relationship. She and her boyfriend yelled at each other. Sometimes, the arguments got physical. I told her she had to break up with him, and she said
“I just can’t turn my emotions off like you can.”
I could not make her understand that it wasn’t a matter of turning my emotions off. It was a matter of not letting them control my every decision. Even at the time, I knew she really didn’t think I was cold-blooded. She just didn’t want to admit to herself that she was making a mistake and continued to make it over and over again with this particular guy.*
So, when an author says, “You don’t understand, I feel everything my characters feel,” I get that that they’re not calling me cold-blooded (though that’s the implication of what they’re saying). They just don’t want to hear criticism about their artistic choices. That’s fine. We all grow in different ways. Personally, I try to listen to people who don’t agree with me because there’s always the chance I might learn something.**
I can’t help but think, though, that we’d all be happier if we took a minute every-so-often to consider that how I feel is not the only guidepost when making a decision, that maybe some logic and reason thrown in might lead to more balanced choices that make one happier in the long run.
And perhaps a little more “thinking” and a little less “feeling” leads to art that is better-balanced, more likely to withstand the test of time, and ultimately more moving than art that relies on feeling alone.
Yes, this is in response to something, but I'm not adding to its link count, hit count, or whatever else makes these things show up on Google.
*She eventually did break up with him and was happily married to someone else, last I heard.
**People who insist that my lack of agreement with their ideas indicates I’m not listening should probably read this footnote.
“I just can’t turn my emotions off like you can.”
I could not make her understand that it wasn’t a matter of turning my emotions off. It was a matter of not letting them control my every decision. Even at the time, I knew she really didn’t think I was cold-blooded. She just didn’t want to admit to herself that she was making a mistake and continued to make it over and over again with this particular guy.*
So, when an author says, “You don’t understand, I feel everything my characters feel,” I get that that they’re not calling me cold-blooded (though that’s the implication of what they’re saying). They just don’t want to hear criticism about their artistic choices. That’s fine. We all grow in different ways. Personally, I try to listen to people who don’t agree with me because there’s always the chance I might learn something.**
I can’t help but think, though, that we’d all be happier if we took a minute every-so-often to consider that how I feel is not the only guidepost when making a decision, that maybe some logic and reason thrown in might lead to more balanced choices that make one happier in the long run.
And perhaps a little more “thinking” and a little less “feeling” leads to art that is better-balanced, more likely to withstand the test of time, and ultimately more moving than art that relies on feeling alone.
Yes, this is in response to something, but I'm not adding to its link count, hit count, or whatever else makes these things show up on Google.
*She eventually did break up with him and was happily married to someone else, last I heard.
**People who insist that my lack of agreement with their ideas indicates I’m not listening should probably read this footnote.