Well...
I'm sure it's been awhile since I've posted anything here... usually is.
No super optimistic, cheerful post here. Don't have too much of that anymore. I live day by day, but really don't have all that much interest in any of it.
I'm fatter than I've ever been in my life....and I've just gotten to the point where I don't care. The only time I really care is when I'm trying to find clothes to wear, but beyond that? Not really. I don't have anyone I'm trying to impress. I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that I'm just not relationship material, and will never really have a serious one. So the only person that I'd be making the effort to keep myself up for would be me, and I'm really not worth the effort. So bleh.
I'm still working at the casino, and I still do really like the job, more than I've ever liked a job before. It just doesn't pay as much as my bills are, always an ongoing stress.
At least when, I can one day afford therapy, I'll know what one of my triggers for binge eating and emotional eating are. One among hundreds I'm sure. Seems like the depression cloud has come again I guess, since I really find no joy in any aspect of my life anymore. Too lazy to really even try to end it I guess. In some ways I envy the people who just finally give up with anything of their lives and play the 'Depression' card. On disability because of depression? Sure.... get to just lay in bed all day, and still get money. People just let you. Somehow, it never seems like I can even assume that lifestyle... if I just.... stopped, most of the people I know would be like 'wtf, suck it up.stop having a pity party' I have bills that would still need to be paid. I don't think Citicards would care if I'm too depressed to see the point of getting out of bed. So at times, I do envy the people who get away with it I suppose.
I'm sure most of the people I know who are reading this even now are thinking, so what, suck it up and deal with it and blah blah blah. But really? I don't care. Suck it.
No super optimistic, cheerful post here. Don't have too much of that anymore. I live day by day, but really don't have all that much interest in any of it.
I'm fatter than I've ever been in my life....and I've just gotten to the point where I don't care. The only time I really care is when I'm trying to find clothes to wear, but beyond that? Not really. I don't have anyone I'm trying to impress. I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that I'm just not relationship material, and will never really have a serious one. So the only person that I'd be making the effort to keep myself up for would be me, and I'm really not worth the effort. So bleh.
I'm still working at the casino, and I still do really like the job, more than I've ever liked a job before. It just doesn't pay as much as my bills are, always an ongoing stress.
At least when, I can one day afford therapy, I'll know what one of my triggers for binge eating and emotional eating are. One among hundreds I'm sure. Seems like the depression cloud has come again I guess, since I really find no joy in any aspect of my life anymore. Too lazy to really even try to end it I guess. In some ways I envy the people who just finally give up with anything of their lives and play the 'Depression' card. On disability because of depression? Sure.... get to just lay in bed all day, and still get money. People just let you. Somehow, it never seems like I can even assume that lifestyle... if I just.... stopped, most of the people I know would be like 'wtf, suck it up.stop having a pity party' I have bills that would still need to be paid. I don't think Citicards would care if I'm too depressed to see the point of getting out of bed. So at times, I do envy the people who get away with it I suppose.
I'm sure most of the people I know who are reading this even now are thinking, so what, suck it up and deal with it and blah blah blah. But really? I don't care. Suck it.