last dance (part 1/2)
changmin/sooyoung
4178 words
for bam my changsoo inspiration
Their ears are ringing. There’s a lull in the music, and the drop steadies out. The crowd still throbs around them, but somehow, they’ve found themselves standing in each other’s arms again. The first thing that comes to Sooyoung’s mind is that they’ve talked about this, and this wasn’t meant to be how it worked out. Changmin knows it too, but he’s still holding onto her tight, so that their bodies are pushed together, and they can feel each other’s breaths brush against their cheeks.
***
As far as college love stories went, it really could have gone either way.
He was a couple years older, and he was on the law students’ society. He was the careers director, and every second law student knew his name, and there was a story about him waking up in the middle of a football field after the first night of first year camp. Some way or other, people knew Changmin.
On the other hand, nobody knew Sooyoung at the start of the year. She cut her hair after she graduated high school, and she had a modest 300 person following on Instagram - probably because she had long legs and a cute dog. But apart from that, she kept mostly to herself on her first day. She was the fresh-faced new girl, who didn’t try to hard to make an impression. Grey track pants were comfortable and she had the proportions to not look like a slob.
Changmin might have noticed her name while he was sitting with the law society socials director, who was going through law society memberships, but to be honest, he was probably just making that up. To be honest, he really did have no idea who she was, until that day of rain.
Sooyoung, as always, forgot to bring an umbrella, and alighted from the bus stop running for shelter, bent over to protect her textbooks from the rain. Changmin had been walking to class when Sooyoung stopped short of running into him and gestured for him to keep walking as she readjusted her hoodie as the rain kept pounding down. Changmin looked her up and down before gesturing for her to share his umbrella.
She was the most vicious wet puppy he had ever found himself saving.
In their seven minute walk to Sooyoung’s business school building, she had (jokingly) insulted him twice, and swatted him with her textbook. They parted as new Facebook friends, and Sooyoung’s hair was still damp. That was Changmin’s first impression of Sooyoung, and he had never been swept off his feet faster.
They exchanged greetings online later that evening, and had a laugh about that situation that morning. Changmin was the first to ask about her schedule - and maybe if they both had morning classes, would she like to try and catch an earlier bus so they could buy a coffee on campus together some time? Changmin had never been this forward in his life, and it was all a little exhilarating.
Sooyoung missed her bus. She texted him saying how sorry she was, and that she should’ve warned him about how shitty she is at being punctual, and that he shouldn’t wait up for her if he’s going to late. And in spite of her slew of text messages, Changmin just sipped his coffee and walked with Sooyoung to class when she finally arrived. They didn’t speak for a week or so after that, and both of them individually wondered what it all meant.
It wasn’t like Changmin had never dated girls before, of course he had. But whether it was just bad luck or poor form on both party’s parts - he hadn’t had the most success and few relationships grew out of first dates. And of the few relationships, they all didn’t last.
Changmin confessed the details of his situation to a few close friends - all who came through with slightly different insights. Yunho’s insight was that it still looked like a friendship, but Changmin should take care. Kyuhyun took the opposite approach, and said that Changmin should go for her, the window was closing. These conflicting opinions from trusted friends bothered Changmin, and he ended up turning to Minho for his advice.
“If you like her, just talk to her again. What have you got to lose?”
Changmin notices a message pop up on his phone at that moment, and Minho tries to peer across the table to see.
A friend wants me to go to the law party - are you going to be there?
Yeah I think so
Sooyoung wasn’t sure what this was. She wasn’t sure why she asked. She had friends who were going, so she wasn’t going to be alone. She didn’t have to have Changmin come. But it’d be nice. She liked him that much.
Changmin ended up finding up Sooyoung at the party past 12AM. She was on the dance floor in a group of girls, short hair a mess, all smiles. It only took him moments to make it over to her, and tap her shoulder. She beamed when she recognised him, and hugged him. He strained to hear her over the heavy bass and blasting stereo, but he thought he heard a ‘so happy to see you’, and that was enough for the moment.
It turned out that Sooyoung liked to dance - she almost never left the floor, and when she finally did, clutching Changmin’s hand to lead him away, he was incredibly out of breath and sweaty. And even though this wasn’t usually Changmin’s thing, he had really enjoyed it. He wasn’t even that drunk. The bar is closed by the time they push their way out of the sweaty people, and Changmin asked the first thing that came to mind. “Do you have a safe way home?”
She pulled out her phone to check for trains and buses. She said yes, she has a way home. Then she asked about him.
“I’m crashing on campus.”
“You’re doing the walk of shame?!” She laughs at him, leaning back into the wall.
“You’re not a seasoned uni student if you don’t.”
She nodded, and they talked for a while more. They covered the standard topics - does he have class tomorrow, did he like the DJ, are all uni parties like this, what are must-do uni hacks for a first year? Changmin said he’ll send her his notes for Torts and Crim, and that she should get involved in societies. Sooyoung checked her phone again.
“I have to go.”
Changmin let the standard concerns come - are you sure, do you have friends with you?
She said yes to everything, and disappeared.
The air was cold when she stepped out, and she tugged her windbreaker closer. She jaywalked across the main road, and sat down at the bus shelter. A streetlight nearby cast a yellow-toned glow on her white sneakers. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Sooyoung wondered what it is - maybe an email, probably an Instagram like (she had posted a picture of her and Yuri at the start of the night), maybe a notification from Neko Atsume. It also could’ve been a message from Changmin. She was also well aware that she had 15% battery left, and she’d need all of that for the way home - just in case.
Fuck it. She pulled out her phone and checked.
Hey Soo, I’m glad I got to see you. Get home safe!
Changmin knew his friends would’ve laughed at him for sending a text so soon after she left. There’s all this crap about playing it cool so girls would like you. Changmin didn’t get it - he never did. He was always honest about this stuff. He just wanted to let her know that he appreciated seeing her. She was a nice girl. A nice person. It couldn’t hurt to get to know her more.
I’m glad I ran into you too
I’ll be ok!
Want to meet me at Central and buy me a coffee to ease my walk of shame home tomorrow?
HAHAHHAHAAHA
sure
She was running a little late this time too, and Changmin knew he should really just catch his connecting bus home. But he wasn’t going to let her down, just because he had a headache and dizziness. He liked her that much.
They ended up having coffee together, sitting on stools at a hole-in-the wall cafe. Changmin got that familiar feeling as they talked - the same feeling with all the other girls he’d ended up in a relationship with. The excitement, how there was always a spark in their conversation, jumping from one thing to the next. As if they were always discovering connections and things they agreed upon and empathised with. Changmin intended to leave in an hour, but they ended up leaving and sitting in the nearby park. Buses and cars rushed past fifty metres away.
When Sooyoung stood up and said that they should go - and that he in particular should go home and sleep - Changmin had to relent. They had used up a whole hour more than they had intended anyway. Besides, Changmin felt a little stunned when she said she was really grateful that she met him. “I’m really glad I met you. It’s such a comfort.”
It was nice to know that he was important to her.
Sooyoung really meant it to. It was how she let everything after that day happen. Library dates. Lunch dates. Meeting his friends. Him meeting her friends. There were night food markets in the city when the semester ended, and they went together, as part of a larger group of friends. It only took them twenty minutes to get separated from everyone else, under the guise of Sooyoung insisting she wait in line at one of the first stalls for red bean mochi. They bought their miscellaneous desserts, and they found a spot amongst the crowds and smells. They ate, and then they walked. Bought some tea, and then some more warm snacks. It was a simple night, indulging in food and good conversation.
There wasn’t any of that cliche romance drama shit. There wasn’t anything that generated heart palpitations - there were no sparks that flew between fingers, or lingering looks over sweet potato fries. At least, that was how Sooyoung felt. It was more natural than that, and she felt like this was truer than all the madness her friends seemed to go through with their array of candidates. With Changmin, there was this natural warmth that she enjoyed, where she felt at ease, and she didn’t feel like she needed to impress in order to be loved.
Liked. Loved.
She wasn’t sure what she was looking for. It seemed juvenile or reckless - or both - to be asking or looking for love. She’d seen it before with her friends, with boys older, younger, the same age. Sometimes it seemed promising, like when Yoona was swept off her feet by that boy from the private school on the other side of the suburb and when Taeyeon celebrated her third year anniversary with Leeteuk. But both those pairings ended too. But on the other hand, Sooyoung thought as she looked at Changmin’s relaxed smile and tousled hair, there was a chance that love wasn’t a sham. How bad could it be to buy into societal whims a little and spend more time with somebody you really cared about?
“Changmin?”
“Mmm?”
“I’m really glad that we’re friends.” She swallowed. “But I don’t know if I’d be satisfied with just that.”
Changmin has never had a girl tell him she liked him in that way. In fact, he wasn’t even completely certain that that was what Sooyoung had purely meant. But in that moment, under fairy lights and the rising, dissipating of steam from portable ovens and griddles, the one clear thing that Changmin actually heard was that Sooyoung wanted to be more than friends.
How else do you interpret that?
“Do you want to give us a go?” Changmin hated himself a little inside - it’s an awful line - but he’s a romantic too, and it was almost too perfect.
It was probably a sign that things weren’t going to go perfectly. But who thinks like that in the moment? Who thinks those kinds of things in the middle of a conversation that changes everything?
“I’m going to say yes for now. But we’re going to talk about this.”
They started to hold hands at first that night. It was an easy, natural transition. On one hand, it was genetically predestined - tall people who are well-proportioned would inevitably find that when they let their arms dangle, they hands and fingers align. Sooyoung realised that it was true what all her friends have been saying - that when you hold hands with somebody you like - that you really, really like - it really does feel as though their fingers are filling the gaps between yours. She didn’t want to admit it, and she never does - but her heart raced a little.
They kissed on the bridge over the harbour on the way home at the halfway point between two streetlights. When Sooyoung opened her eyes she saw Changmin’s glowing expression amongst the dimness of the night and the long-distance glimmer of the city lights hundreds of metres away. She noticed freckles on his face she’d never seen before, and Changmin had discovered that Sooyoung’s frequently chapped lips were not at all unpleasant.
As far as first kisses went, it was a good one.
Sooyoung smiled to herself when she went to bed that night. It was a little thing, people smiled for all kinds of reasons. But it was something new. Something had changed. She woke up to a text from him saying good morning. She texted back as she brushed her teeth, and wondered if she liked it. It was different, having somebody more present in your life. But did she want to be able to count on somebody to tell her good morning and get home safe? Was that really what she wanted out of a relationship? Did she even want a relationship?
There were more unanswerable questions now, than ever before, and frankly, Sooyoung didn’t know what to do with all of them. How on earth was she to hold onto all these questions, delicately weighing them up - which ones to share with Changmin, and which ones would be too dangerous to ask?
But like a stupid, silly girl, she was also able to forget about those questions when Changmin popped into her mind.
( part 2)
Part 1 of 2
4178 words
for bam my changsoo inspiration
Their ears are ringing. There’s a lull in the music, and the drop steadies out. The crowd still throbs around them, but somehow, they’ve found themselves standing in each other’s arms again. The first thing that comes to Sooyoung’s mind is that they’ve talked about this, and this wasn’t meant to be how it worked out. Changmin knows it too, but he’s still holding onto her tight, so that their bodies are pushed together, and they can feel each other’s breaths brush against their cheeks.
***
As far as college love stories went, it really could have gone either way.
He was a couple years older, and he was on the law students’ society. He was the careers director, and every second law student knew his name, and there was a story about him waking up in the middle of a football field after the first night of first year camp. Some way or other, people knew Changmin.
On the other hand, nobody knew Sooyoung at the start of the year. She cut her hair after she graduated high school, and she had a modest 300 person following on Instagram - probably because she had long legs and a cute dog. But apart from that, she kept mostly to herself on her first day. She was the fresh-faced new girl, who didn’t try to hard to make an impression. Grey track pants were comfortable and she had the proportions to not look like a slob.
Changmin might have noticed her name while he was sitting with the law society socials director, who was going through law society memberships, but to be honest, he was probably just making that up. To be honest, he really did have no idea who she was, until that day of rain.
Sooyoung, as always, forgot to bring an umbrella, and alighted from the bus stop running for shelter, bent over to protect her textbooks from the rain. Changmin had been walking to class when Sooyoung stopped short of running into him and gestured for him to keep walking as she readjusted her hoodie as the rain kept pounding down. Changmin looked her up and down before gesturing for her to share his umbrella.
She was the most vicious wet puppy he had ever found himself saving.
In their seven minute walk to Sooyoung’s business school building, she had (jokingly) insulted him twice, and swatted him with her textbook. They parted as new Facebook friends, and Sooyoung’s hair was still damp. That was Changmin’s first impression of Sooyoung, and he had never been swept off his feet faster.
They exchanged greetings online later that evening, and had a laugh about that situation that morning. Changmin was the first to ask about her schedule - and maybe if they both had morning classes, would she like to try and catch an earlier bus so they could buy a coffee on campus together some time? Changmin had never been this forward in his life, and it was all a little exhilarating.
Sooyoung missed her bus. She texted him saying how sorry she was, and that she should’ve warned him about how shitty she is at being punctual, and that he shouldn’t wait up for her if he’s going to late. And in spite of her slew of text messages, Changmin just sipped his coffee and walked with Sooyoung to class when she finally arrived. They didn’t speak for a week or so after that, and both of them individually wondered what it all meant.
It wasn’t like Changmin had never dated girls before, of course he had. But whether it was just bad luck or poor form on both party’s parts - he hadn’t had the most success and few relationships grew out of first dates. And of the few relationships, they all didn’t last.
Changmin confessed the details of his situation to a few close friends - all who came through with slightly different insights. Yunho’s insight was that it still looked like a friendship, but Changmin should take care. Kyuhyun took the opposite approach, and said that Changmin should go for her, the window was closing. These conflicting opinions from trusted friends bothered Changmin, and he ended up turning to Minho for his advice.
“If you like her, just talk to her again. What have you got to lose?”
Changmin notices a message pop up on his phone at that moment, and Minho tries to peer across the table to see.
A friend wants me to go to the law party - are you going to be there?
Yeah I think so
Sooyoung wasn’t sure what this was. She wasn’t sure why she asked. She had friends who were going, so she wasn’t going to be alone. She didn’t have to have Changmin come. But it’d be nice. She liked him that much.
Changmin ended up finding up Sooyoung at the party past 12AM. She was on the dance floor in a group of girls, short hair a mess, all smiles. It only took him moments to make it over to her, and tap her shoulder. She beamed when she recognised him, and hugged him. He strained to hear her over the heavy bass and blasting stereo, but he thought he heard a ‘so happy to see you’, and that was enough for the moment.
It turned out that Sooyoung liked to dance - she almost never left the floor, and when she finally did, clutching Changmin’s hand to lead him away, he was incredibly out of breath and sweaty. And even though this wasn’t usually Changmin’s thing, he had really enjoyed it. He wasn’t even that drunk. The bar is closed by the time they push their way out of the sweaty people, and Changmin asked the first thing that came to mind. “Do you have a safe way home?”
She pulled out her phone to check for trains and buses. She said yes, she has a way home. Then she asked about him.
“I’m crashing on campus.”
“You’re doing the walk of shame?!” She laughs at him, leaning back into the wall.
“You’re not a seasoned uni student if you don’t.”
She nodded, and they talked for a while more. They covered the standard topics - does he have class tomorrow, did he like the DJ, are all uni parties like this, what are must-do uni hacks for a first year? Changmin said he’ll send her his notes for Torts and Crim, and that she should get involved in societies. Sooyoung checked her phone again.
“I have to go.”
Changmin let the standard concerns come - are you sure, do you have friends with you?
She said yes to everything, and disappeared.
The air was cold when she stepped out, and she tugged her windbreaker closer. She jaywalked across the main road, and sat down at the bus shelter. A streetlight nearby cast a yellow-toned glow on her white sneakers. She felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Sooyoung wondered what it is - maybe an email, probably an Instagram like (she had posted a picture of her and Yuri at the start of the night), maybe a notification from Neko Atsume. It also could’ve been a message from Changmin. She was also well aware that she had 15% battery left, and she’d need all of that for the way home - just in case.
Fuck it. She pulled out her phone and checked.
Hey Soo, I’m glad I got to see you. Get home safe!
Changmin knew his friends would’ve laughed at him for sending a text so soon after she left. There’s all this crap about playing it cool so girls would like you. Changmin didn’t get it - he never did. He was always honest about this stuff. He just wanted to let her know that he appreciated seeing her. She was a nice girl. A nice person. It couldn’t hurt to get to know her more.
I’m glad I ran into you too
I’ll be ok!
Want to meet me at Central and buy me a coffee to ease my walk of shame home tomorrow?
HAHAHHAHAAHA
sure
She was running a little late this time too, and Changmin knew he should really just catch his connecting bus home. But he wasn’t going to let her down, just because he had a headache and dizziness. He liked her that much.
They ended up having coffee together, sitting on stools at a hole-in-the wall cafe. Changmin got that familiar feeling as they talked - the same feeling with all the other girls he’d ended up in a relationship with. The excitement, how there was always a spark in their conversation, jumping from one thing to the next. As if they were always discovering connections and things they agreed upon and empathised with. Changmin intended to leave in an hour, but they ended up leaving and sitting in the nearby park. Buses and cars rushed past fifty metres away.
When Sooyoung stood up and said that they should go - and that he in particular should go home and sleep - Changmin had to relent. They had used up a whole hour more than they had intended anyway. Besides, Changmin felt a little stunned when she said she was really grateful that she met him. “I’m really glad I met you. It’s such a comfort.”
It was nice to know that he was important to her.
Sooyoung really meant it to. It was how she let everything after that day happen. Library dates. Lunch dates. Meeting his friends. Him meeting her friends. There were night food markets in the city when the semester ended, and they went together, as part of a larger group of friends. It only took them twenty minutes to get separated from everyone else, under the guise of Sooyoung insisting she wait in line at one of the first stalls for red bean mochi. They bought their miscellaneous desserts, and they found a spot amongst the crowds and smells. They ate, and then they walked. Bought some tea, and then some more warm snacks. It was a simple night, indulging in food and good conversation.
There wasn’t any of that cliche romance drama shit. There wasn’t anything that generated heart palpitations - there were no sparks that flew between fingers, or lingering looks over sweet potato fries. At least, that was how Sooyoung felt. It was more natural than that, and she felt like this was truer than all the madness her friends seemed to go through with their array of candidates. With Changmin, there was this natural warmth that she enjoyed, where she felt at ease, and she didn’t feel like she needed to impress in order to be loved.
Liked. Loved.
She wasn’t sure what she was looking for. It seemed juvenile or reckless - or both - to be asking or looking for love. She’d seen it before with her friends, with boys older, younger, the same age. Sometimes it seemed promising, like when Yoona was swept off her feet by that boy from the private school on the other side of the suburb and when Taeyeon celebrated her third year anniversary with Leeteuk. But both those pairings ended too. But on the other hand, Sooyoung thought as she looked at Changmin’s relaxed smile and tousled hair, there was a chance that love wasn’t a sham. How bad could it be to buy into societal whims a little and spend more time with somebody you really cared about?
“Changmin?”
“Mmm?”
“I’m really glad that we’re friends.” She swallowed. “But I don’t know if I’d be satisfied with just that.”
Changmin has never had a girl tell him she liked him in that way. In fact, he wasn’t even completely certain that that was what Sooyoung had purely meant. But in that moment, under fairy lights and the rising, dissipating of steam from portable ovens and griddles, the one clear thing that Changmin actually heard was that Sooyoung wanted to be more than friends.
How else do you interpret that?
“Do you want to give us a go?” Changmin hated himself a little inside - it’s an awful line - but he’s a romantic too, and it was almost too perfect.
It was probably a sign that things weren’t going to go perfectly. But who thinks like that in the moment? Who thinks those kinds of things in the middle of a conversation that changes everything?
“I’m going to say yes for now. But we’re going to talk about this.”
They started to hold hands at first that night. It was an easy, natural transition. On one hand, it was genetically predestined - tall people who are well-proportioned would inevitably find that when they let their arms dangle, they hands and fingers align. Sooyoung realised that it was true what all her friends have been saying - that when you hold hands with somebody you like - that you really, really like - it really does feel as though their fingers are filling the gaps between yours. She didn’t want to admit it, and she never does - but her heart raced a little.
They kissed on the bridge over the harbour on the way home at the halfway point between two streetlights. When Sooyoung opened her eyes she saw Changmin’s glowing expression amongst the dimness of the night and the long-distance glimmer of the city lights hundreds of metres away. She noticed freckles on his face she’d never seen before, and Changmin had discovered that Sooyoung’s frequently chapped lips were not at all unpleasant.
As far as first kisses went, it was a good one.
Sooyoung smiled to herself when she went to bed that night. It was a little thing, people smiled for all kinds of reasons. But it was something new. Something had changed. She woke up to a text from him saying good morning. She texted back as she brushed her teeth, and wondered if she liked it. It was different, having somebody more present in your life. But did she want to be able to count on somebody to tell her good morning and get home safe? Was that really what she wanted out of a relationship? Did she even want a relationship?
There were more unanswerable questions now, than ever before, and frankly, Sooyoung didn’t know what to do with all of them. How on earth was she to hold onto all these questions, delicately weighing them up - which ones to share with Changmin, and which ones would be too dangerous to ask?
But like a stupid, silly girl, she was also able to forget about those questions when Changmin popped into her mind.
( part 2)
Part 1 of 2