"This is the start of something good...don't you agree..."
so it's all beginning to hit me...how hard the next few years is going to be. i don't think i've done near as much as i should have for school. i just can't used to and settle for the fact that people come and go. i like changes, but i don't like losing people. i need to work harder, i need to study more, i need to read my assignments, i need to stop procratinating! i feel like i've ruined this semester, like i've fallen so far behind and i just wish it was over. for the next 2 weeks, i will be trying to dig myself out of this hole i have gotten in to. i'm afraid i won't be able to get myself out completely but hopefully i can just make it through.
i need to be better in my relationships. i've pushed people aside that don't deserve to be pushed away. Not meaning to, i've lost touch with the ones that mean the most to me. my family away from home, my best friends! i think one of the worst things in life is a goodbye. i don't like saying it and i don't deal with it very well. i don't like losing people. i think it scares me more than anything. because so many things can be said and promised, but you just don't know what is going to happen...you don't know where everyone will end up. you don't know how people will change or how situations will be handled. i'm scared because i don't have the best track record with people leaving...one of my downfalls i guess, i've never been so good at the long distance relationship/friendship...it doesn't matter usually, i'm not good at it. sometimes people leave and realize what they've been missing or what they really want, things change, priorities change, people change. that's my worst fear.
i guess i should probably listen in class...i hate school! :-(