January 24, 2014
So in an update to what has been a long time since I have written, I have ranted about many things but mostly it annoys me that I don't belong. I am treated like a ghost everywhere that I go. People don't talk to me, people don't listen to me. People just blow me off. At work I am alienated, and left out when I make an error. They just bitch about it behind my back instead of not asking me why I did something or why I did not fix my errors or HELPING me to fix it. I go to parties with Kyle, people start listening to me, but blow me off when others arrive. I really have never felt more alone in my life. At the same time, more helpless. I am supposed to be taking care of my son, and yet, others are helping me do that. John and Sean got food for Shayne the other day. Our fridge was empty. It had no food in it at all. Yet they were nice enough to do that. Kyle saw it, but said nothing. Instead he's looking for things that I can waste my money on already when we don't have the funds for a new roof. I just don't have the time, the desire or the energy to waste on this bullshit. *Sigh* I wouldn't change having Shayne, not for all the money in the world. But I do wish I had the energy to take all the rejection and the hits, which life keeps throwing at me.