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I got my second tattoo Friday! It says "Beatha Gaire Gra" which mean, Life Laughter Love. It's so beautiful and I'm SO excited to have it!
Oh yeah I really have to write this out. Last week, January 18th to be exact, Gabby's (my other best friend) Grandpa died. I loved Grandpa Frank like he was my own Grandpa, and for her to call me at 10 in the morning sobbing, I automatically knew he was gone (he's been sick for a while) and I lost it. So obviously I was with her the next three days, helping her and her mom out and just being there for them. Well, Wednesday was the wake. Thank God her Uncles were there to ease up the tension and make everything a little better. Humor really does lighten the heart in times of sorrow. But anyways. Gab had told me that her cousin Ryan (the first and only boy i've ever loved..yes LOVE) was going to be there..Well I mean come on, it was his uncle. So sure enough he showed up. But to make matters SO much worse, he brought his fiancee. Now, I don't despise her soley because she is Ryan's fiancee (which by the way: I feel their engagement was so inappropriate and uneccessary that it makes me sick to even think about), but because she's not right for him. He used to be fun and energetic, and now all they do is lay around and watch tv. He wants a big family someday, and she wants maybe one or two kids. He was considering joining the Marines to be a better person and because it was something he always considered, and she jumped to the idea because it meant a GI Bill in the future. Now I'm not saying this because I love him and his family (aka my best friend's family who I've basically been a part of my whole life), but it just twists the knife wound even deeper when I see them together. Knowing that he's making the biggest mistake of his life by becoming engaged to her. And to top it all off, he'd be with me if he lived here. That's simply what hurts the most. Was that in his own words he said, "We'd be together if I lived there, or if you lived here." Just like that. It also doesn't help that they started dating a month after I saw him, and got engaged 6 months after I saw him, so 5 months after dating. WHAT? WHY?
OK OK so back to the wake. As soon as I saw them, I had to go to the bathroom and just cry a little and calm myself down. After that, I went back in and tried to make a beeline for Gabby and her mom, but Ryan caught my arm and gave me a hug and said hey. It sucked so bad. I had noticed though, that Ashley was now in the back of the funeral home sitting alone. For the rest of the wake I didn't see him, but I did sit with his Grandma (who I LOVE) and his aunts. After the wake, at his Aunts (Gab's Grandmas) we all went for food and I casually avoided him and Ashley. After a while, he found me and Gab and sat with us. Now, Gab knows how much I love him and how what Ryan and I had was intense and serious and that he also should not be with Ashley. So she of course helped moved along the conversation. After not only 15 minutes, Ryan and I were acting like we were never seperated. Everything was normal. But the whole time, I saw Ashley sitting about 10 feet away on the couch with one of Ryan's nieces. So in reality, nothing was/is the same. The rest of the night, Gab, Ryan, and I laughed really hard about all our memories and our summers and winters together. We talked about what we want in the future, and how Ryan might actually consider becoming a history teacher. He showed me his Tattoo-in progress and I told him about mine. We discussed him maybe coming to see me at Oswego, which probably won't ever happen... I just miss him so much. I miss our last time together...laying on the fold out couch until 7 in the morning, just the two of us, laughing and talking about absolutely everything until there wasn't anything left to talk about. Just laying half an inch away from him, him leaning over me and me waiting, hoping for him to kiss me. And then him never doing it. Gab and I have had long, sobbing talks about this and I just can't talk about it anymore. It's all talked out. But the sad thing is, I can't stop THINKING about it. It'll never go away. I don't know. It just scares me a little bit...
[Photo]
But I'm going to leave now before I annoy/depress anyone. So long-Megs
Oh yeah I really have to write this out. Last week, January 18th to be exact, Gabby's (my other best friend) Grandpa died. I loved Grandpa Frank like he was my own Grandpa, and for her to call me at 10 in the morning sobbing, I automatically knew he was gone (he's been sick for a while) and I lost it. So obviously I was with her the next three days, helping her and her mom out and just being there for them. Well, Wednesday was the wake. Thank God her Uncles were there to ease up the tension and make everything a little better. Humor really does lighten the heart in times of sorrow. But anyways. Gab had told me that her cousin Ryan (the first and only boy i've ever loved..yes LOVE) was going to be there..Well I mean come on, it was his uncle. So sure enough he showed up. But to make matters SO much worse, he brought his fiancee. Now, I don't despise her soley because she is Ryan's fiancee (which by the way: I feel their engagement was so inappropriate and uneccessary that it makes me sick to even think about), but because she's not right for him. He used to be fun and energetic, and now all they do is lay around and watch tv. He wants a big family someday, and she wants maybe one or two kids. He was considering joining the Marines to be a better person and because it was something he always considered, and she jumped to the idea because it meant a GI Bill in the future. Now I'm not saying this because I love him and his family (aka my best friend's family who I've basically been a part of my whole life), but it just twists the knife wound even deeper when I see them together. Knowing that he's making the biggest mistake of his life by becoming engaged to her. And to top it all off, he'd be with me if he lived here. That's simply what hurts the most. Was that in his own words he said, "We'd be together if I lived there, or if you lived here." Just like that. It also doesn't help that they started dating a month after I saw him, and got engaged 6 months after I saw him, so 5 months after dating. WHAT? WHY?
OK OK so back to the wake. As soon as I saw them, I had to go to the bathroom and just cry a little and calm myself down. After that, I went back in and tried to make a beeline for Gabby and her mom, but Ryan caught my arm and gave me a hug and said hey. It sucked so bad. I had noticed though, that Ashley was now in the back of the funeral home sitting alone. For the rest of the wake I didn't see him, but I did sit with his Grandma (who I LOVE) and his aunts. After the wake, at his Aunts (Gab's Grandmas) we all went for food and I casually avoided him and Ashley. After a while, he found me and Gab and sat with us. Now, Gab knows how much I love him and how what Ryan and I had was intense and serious and that he also should not be with Ashley. So she of course helped moved along the conversation. After not only 15 minutes, Ryan and I were acting like we were never seperated. Everything was normal. But the whole time, I saw Ashley sitting about 10 feet away on the couch with one of Ryan's nieces. So in reality, nothing was/is the same. The rest of the night, Gab, Ryan, and I laughed really hard about all our memories and our summers and winters together. We talked about what we want in the future, and how Ryan might actually consider becoming a history teacher. He showed me his Tattoo-in progress and I told him about mine. We discussed him maybe coming to see me at Oswego, which probably won't ever happen... I just miss him so much. I miss our last time together...laying on the fold out couch until 7 in the morning, just the two of us, laughing and talking about absolutely everything until there wasn't anything left to talk about. Just laying half an inch away from him, him leaning over me and me waiting, hoping for him to kiss me. And then him never doing it. Gab and I have had long, sobbing talks about this and I just can't talk about it anymore. It's all talked out. But the sad thing is, I can't stop THINKING about it. It'll never go away. I don't know. It just scares me a little bit...
[Photo]
But I'm going to leave now before I annoy/depress anyone. So long-Megs