I AM ALIVE....and I come bearing fic....
Okay so I kinda dropped off the face of the earth....but I am back and raring to go!! THis is for 30_memories. It is all thrity memories in a series of drabbles. The Cahracters are Xian Sami and Xanthus Kota. THey are from an Ai no Kusabi facnfiction called "Taming RIki." They are both creations of the author Kira Takenouchi.
~~
30 Memories - Xanthus and Xian Sami-Kota
~*~
Xan grinned as he thumbed through the pictures around him. Flashbacks came and went as memories flooded over him. He looked up as Xi entered the room with coffee and food, “Running late Xi….”
Xian rolled his eyes, “Whatever…now lemme see some of these. They aren’t just yours you know you picture hog…”
“Better a picture hog than a blanket hog…”
“Thin ice Sami-Kota….very thin ice…”
“Love you to, Xi.”
~*~
1. Ten Years Ago…
Xanthus Kota looked at the diploma in his hands. It was done. No more dorm food, no more dorm. No more rooming with Xian. They had graduated with HONORS no less. He was off to the University on Alpha Zen like Mother wanted. He leaned back on his bed and closed his eyes….his mind going back ten years….
~~
The small Blondie was scared and bravely trying not show it. He wasn’t sure he liked the idea of sharing his bedroom with someone, especially some one he had never met! Why couldn’t he have gotten Kobin as his roommate? He new his friend well enough to know that he wouldn’t be this nervous. Then there was a thud on the other side of his room. He looked up into wide golden eyes and a grinning face, “Hi, I am Xian Sami, nice to meet you.”
“Xanthus Kota, pleasure is mine.” He said offering his hand and shaking the other boy’s firmly. Xian grinned a little brighter and returned the handshake.
Blue eyes met gold and something happened. A friendship formed that was unexpected…
~~
Xian Sami was annoyed; he had no clue who this Xanthus Kota was. Why did he want to share a room for ten years with someone he didn’t know? Although he was sure he WOULD know him after ten years, why had Mother sent him here? HE walked into his assigned room and ran his eyes over the other young Blondie in the room. He looked as nervous as Xian felt and that made the other boy feel a little better….
“Hi, I am Xian Sami, nice to meet you.”
Then deep blue eyes were turned on him and a grin grudgingly appeared, “Xanthus Kota, pleasure is mine.”
~~
Xanthus looked around the room from his spot on his bed and sighed at all the boxes everywhere….Ten years were now all packed up. He didn’t see his best friend in the door way until his voice startled him.
“Xan, get your butt up. I swear you must have a moping gene that missed the rest of us….”
“Coming Xi, just hush …”
The door closed and the ghosts of two young Blondies sitting on their beds talking were all that was left of the past in that room….
~*~
2. Rings
There was a gentle breeze floating along the beach. There were three people on the beach that didn’t even notice it. One was dressed in all black and looked very professional in comparison to his companions. Both others were dressed in designer jeans and button down dress shirts, neither had shoes on and their longer blonde hair danced on the breeze as it toured past them.
“By the power and symbolism of these rings, I declare you…married…”
Xanthus turned to Xian, tilted his face up and kissed his lips gently, nibbling on his lower lip to let him into his mouth. The gently explored it when his new husband sighed into his kisses and returned the favor of the exploration.
Neither noticed the lack of their third member or the sand the sea or the soothing breeze. All they felt certain of was the cool metal encircling their left ring fingers and the other body currently in their arms.
“Care to move this to our suite, Xanthus Sami-Kota?”
“Sounds good to me….” The fading sunlight glinted off the matching silver rings on their left hands as they laughed and kissed their way up to the penthouse…
~*~
3. Omamori
Xian stroked the necklace and chuckled. Even from Alpha Zen and in the middle of exams Xanthus had remembered his birthday. But an amulet? For protection? He snorted and dropped it back into the box and picked up the note.
‘Xi, tried to make it to see you today, but these exams are not the things of dreams. So, I saw this and it made me laugh. If anyone doesn’t need to be protected it’s you. But since I am not there….figured my best friend might need some back up… ~Xan’
He picked up the amulet again and put it in his desk drawer with a grin and a shake of his head. IT wasn’t Xan, but if it was back up….who was he to argue….? He went back to the email he had been writing and added a thank you for his back up…and took out the angry part about missing his birthday celebrations.
~*~
4. Lost
He was lost How the hell did you lose a damned shuttle? How was it that it was Xan's shuttle that got lost...His friend was coming home. His eyes remained glued to screen for a few more moments before storming up to the counter. No one lost his best friend…
~~
Xan tried again to call Xian on his personal comm. station. HE shook his head and sighed, “I hate being rerouted…”
~~
“What do you mean you don’t know why? I told him to take private shuttles…” Xian glared at the unfortunate company rep over the counter. His golden eyes flashed fire, “I recommend you find him…NOW.” HE leaned closer, “Or I might get crankier…”
“S-Sir I am sorry! We have lost all contact…”
“NOW!”
~~
Xan called the casino and got the voicemail. He called the condo in Eos and then the villa, leaving messages everywhere. Xi’s personal communicator was turned off. Xan wasn’t sure if he was angry that his friend seemed to have forgotten him or hurt…
~~
Xian paced and glared at the woman who was frantically calling and calling. He felt almost bad for scaring her. But until he was sure they hadn’t hurt or lost his friend, all bets were off…
~~
Xan finally landed on Amoi and walked off….to see Xian calmly informing a shaking young woman her future was in jeopardy, she shook hi head and wrapped an arm around Xian’s shoulders from behind him and grinned wearily at the clerk, “I am sorry Miss, has my friend been an ass?”
~~
Xian stopped mid-tirade and smirked, “YOU are late dumbass…”
Xan snorted, “I doubt her pet as that long of a list of ancestors for you to be cursing them…” He squeezed, “I have been gone four years and I don’t even get a hug? Now I am wounded Sami. Mortally wounded. Maybe someone else wants a hug from me…”
Xian growled and hugged his friend, “YOU are a dumbass…why have we been friends for so long again?”
“Too lazy to go find another one…”
“Twit.”
“Bite me braid boy….”
Xian just held on tight. Xan had been lost and now he was found. He was home... Who cared about anything else…?
~*~
5. Do you remember…?
NICKELBACK LYRIC
Xian is sitting in the bedroom floor between Xanthus’ legs as they lean back against the bed. Laughing at times so hard it brought tears to their eyes. Other times they grew serious, stern, and still yet sad, as if mourning for times remembered in the images they held in their hands. Before the Blondie’s the floor is covered with pictures from their childhood, memories of Academy days, wild weekends before graduation and after, the past, their past it linked them together. Best friends for life
they hold the pictures up one by one
Look at this photograph… OMG, we looked like that.
Every time I do it makes me laugh… Raoul dressed in pink drag for the school play, blowing a kiss.
How did our eyes get so red… Guess we must have been drunk in this one too.
And what the hell is on Joey's head…”I think he was the one in the club that night, wearing the tinfoil hat.
And this is where I grew up… Dark and strict, the academy looms, a single pair of red underwear on the flagpole, ruffled in the wind.
I think the present owner fixed it up… Food, laundry, toilet paper decks the hall, two young men passed out in the middle of it, cognac bottle in one in each boys hands.
I never knew we'd ever went without…Xanthus sits empty bottle in his hand, held upside down. He looks at it as if mourning a great loss as he sits in the flower garden amongst the tulips.
The second floor is hard for sneaking out… Xian looking rather pissed, threatening the camera with the cast on his left arm…”Goddamn window.”
And this is where I went to school… 9th hour History class, decked with shaving cream, toilet paper and condoms. ”Who says hurling your roommate out the window last Friday night, aren’t current events. It was in the paper.”
Most of the time had better things to do…”DETENTION!!!” tosses it aside
Criminal record says I broke in twice… Both outside in the hall, wearing shiny silver handcuffs. ”Still got the fucking ‘F’.”
I must have done it half a dozen times… Mission Complete. Xan holds the bottles of liquor in his hands as he makes a stealthy getaway.” Dammit you just had to yell, ‘I got it.” And get us busted again.”
I wonder if It's too late…One of the last meetings between the two, before lives and careers separated them.
Should I go back and try to graduate…Being thrown out of graduation ceremonies for showing the History Professor that the two moons of Amoi can be full at the same time. ”The man had no sense of humor at all.”
Life's better now then it was back then… Two pictures make the paper. Very influential Blondies, tycoons and business moguls. Side by side.
If I was them I wouldn't let me in… A young Xian turns to curse at a bodyguard as he is led from the rock concert in cuffs.
Oh oh oh
Oh god I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Remember the old arcade… Late childhood, both yelling at the pinball machine.
Blew every dollar that we ever made… “Every dollar we ever made beating someone up.”
The cops hated us hangin' out…Early teens, lead from building in cuffs, creating a public disturbance. “Yeah, they knew we would cause trouble as soon as their backs were turned.”
They say somebody went and burned it down… Xian looks back at Xan, and cocks an eyebrow. Xan smiles, innocently. ”At least you didn’t caught this time.”
We used to listen to the radio…The music blasts through the halls as the two, in their teens. Wearing only sunglasses and their underwear, dance.
And sing along with every song we know…Strutting down the hall, after they sneaked into Omaki’s room and stole his vibrators to use as microphones.
We said someday we'd find out how if feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel. “Like singing to the bars of the holding cell?”
Kim's the first girl I kissed… “That’s not Kim! It’s Heiku!” "No you lie, it was Kim.....Heiku was in drag...." ”That IS Heiku in drag.”
I was so nervous that I nearly missed…Xan slides across the hood of his first car, right after passing his driving test. ”Finally.”
Oh oh oh
Oh god I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
I miss that town… 6 young blondies piled and hangin’ out of a car on their way to paint the town red.
I miss the faces… A young Xan is confused as Kobin sits him straight of a few matters. “Wtf I did, to this day I still don’t know.”
You can't erase… Xian burst out laughing as Omaki depants Xan in the cafeteria and slaps his ass…
You can't replace it… Mid-teens, Xian finally get the nerve to turn and kiss Omaki.
I miss it now… Afternoon nap under the shade tree, during Science period.
I can't believe it… Xian turns and winks as he walks into HIS casino the first time.
So hard to stay… They pull back to look at the mess they’ve made scattering pics on the floor, nah; it was really to go get another bottle.
So hard to leave it… Xian picks up a really old and worn pic
If I could I relive those days… The first group recess on the playground.
I know the one thing that would never change…Xian walks with his arm around Omi as he hands a laughing Xan the day’s bottle of cognac and looks to his lover puckering his lips.
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Look at this photograph… The second litter of Blondies holds their diplomas in front the flagpole, which now bears a purple pair of thongs.
Everytime I do it makes me laugh…The lover’s spat in the hall between Iason and Raoul.
Everytime I do it makes me… Xan holds a picture in his hands as Xian leans over to look at it, both with warm smiles on their faces as they gaze at memory forgotten until now.
~*~
6. Anniversary
There were the passes to their favorite club, lying on the table unused. The champagne sat unopened and chilled. His gift for his friend sat un -opened and forgotten on his roommate’s bed. After when you had a boyfriend evidentially you didn’t need to remember your old friends anymore…
He saluted the scene with his contraband bottle of whiskey and grinned mirthlessly, “Happy anniversary Kota…you schmuck…”
HE leaned his head back and sighed.
Maybe the time had come to stop celebrating being back together in this dorm after the summer…
~~
Xian ran through the halls. OF all the damn days for his car to break down and him not be able to mooch a damn ride. He was so late for meeting up with Xan. He opened the door to see Xanthus asleep, a bottle of whiskey in his hand that made him flush in shame. Xan only drank hard stuff when he was down he set his gift next to Xanthus’ pillow and then sat on the floor and watched his friend sleep, keeping guard.
“You fucked it up this time Sami…”
~~
Xan opened his eyes and grinned sleepily, “Morning…”
Xian smiled back rubbing his eyes and stretching, “The car died….by the time I got here…”
“I was passed out.”
“Pretty much.”
Xanthus pointed to the gift on his bed, “Better late than never hmm?”
Xian nodded and then grinned at the hand tooled leather gloves, “Thank you…”
“Sick of bandaging your knuckles all the time….” Xan teased opening his, to reveal the leather coat he had been lusting after for over two months…
He knelt and kissed him, not caring the other had a boyfriend, or that they were best friends and this was crossing a line… He needed to kiss Xian and he needed it NOW…
And so began a different anniversary…
~*~
7. I promise I’ll be back…
“Why the hell do you have to go all the way to Alpha Zen? You don’t have to do everything she wants Xanthus!”
Xian Sami was pissed. How dare his best friend decided to leave the damned planet for university and not tell him? Or at least warn him before he found out another way. His golden eyes flashed.
Xanthus sighed and massaged his temples, “I’ll be back, and you can come there. Xi, you know I have to go. Nothing will change if I don’t.”
“Who says I want it to change?”
“Don’t OI deserve the chance to see if I get to change?”
Xian threw his bottle against the wall delighting in its shattering sound. He looked at his friend and nodded sadly. Xanthus deserved it. But that dint’ mean he had to be happy about it. He just wanted to sit and scream and then stomp his feet like he had when he had been younger. Instead he got up and wrapped his arms around him.
“If you hate it?”
“Next shuttle home…and crashing on your couch.”
“Don’t replace me?”
“How the hell would I do that?”
Xian shrugged, “Just don’t.”
Xanthus laughed, “No one replaces the Pookie.”
Xian snorted, “You better believe that Snooks or they are a dead man…” he looked into the blue eyes he trusted so much, “Promise…”
“I will be back….I promise…”
~*~
8. Sunset
The warmth of the fading sunlight cast warm hew over the two that slept on a lounge chair looking out over the lights dancing on the sea of Amoi. To blonde head nestled near to each other and their limbs all tangled under a throw blanket. They slept soundly, fully unaware how at peace they looked and the warm earth tones of the slow ending of the day warmed their skin tones and mad the highlights in their hair seem richer…
Xian and Xanthus Sami-Kota sleep on….after all, taking a nap with your spouse is what you do on Sundays…..
~*~
9. Figuring
Xian hated paying bills. The math was annoying, it kept making the money LEAVE his account instead of coming into it…he shot a look around his office looking to see if he could find ANYTHING to use to procrastinate…
There on the edge of his desk in a sterling silver frame was a picture of two blonde men on a lounge chair on a deck. He had never figured he and Xanthus would get married. Or that their two villas would now be the envy of Eos once all the renovation works was done. He never figured on paying the bills for his FAMILY of all things…
He sat back and grinned a silly little grin, well, figuring was best left for bills not future planning….
~*~
10. I’ll Miss you…
Xian held a piece of paper in a death grip in his hands. He hadn’t been able to make himself go see Xanthus off. He had been dressed and ready to go to the transport dock, but in the end he couldn’t make his feet move. He let loose a husky laugh. Turns out Xanthus had known him better than he had known himself. Right as the departure time hit there had been a delivery of his favored brand of cognac and a note.
‘I’ll miss you… ~Snookie’
Damn him for using the special name…Xian could be mad at Xanthus for awhile….but Pookie could never stay mad at Snookie…
“Xanthus, the next time we decide to give each other nicknames, let’s not be drunk out of our minds…” He saluted the sky line with his bottle and sighed, “I’m going to miss you too, you bastard…”
~*~
11. Wait for me…
Xanthus hoped Xian had gotten the delivery. It would be his luck it hadn’t arrived on time. He knew Xian wouldn’t come to see him off. He knew it. But still, it would have been nice to see his friend one last time before he left. He knew Xian wouldn’t come to see him and that if he ever were able to make a trip home his friend wouldn’t be found. Xi was mad and hurt and so he would react. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the window, “Wait for me Pooks…four years is nothing….”
~*~
12. Is it you?
Pain sucked. Xanthus Kota came to that monumental decision as he lay in a hospital bed listening to Heiku rant at him that he wasn’t in the Academy anymore and that a man of his standing shouldn’t be out bar brawling. He would nod and smile, but his head might fall off…and he was too tired and hurt too much to go and chase it…he let his eyes drift shut and time swam by him…
The next time he opened his eyes the light from the moons was filtering in and there was a man sitting next to his bed, but it was too hard to focus, “Xian, that you?”
“Who the hell else would sleep in these damn chairs to keep an eye on you? GO back to bed so Heiku will release you sooner and we can go back to sleeping in our bed and not here.”
“Sorry Pookie…”
“Oh shut up and rest. You make this up to me when you aren’t lone large bruise…”
~*~
13. Wonderland
There was snow drifting to the ground when they left the movie. It had been cold and crisp when the two young men had left on their date. They had snuck out of the Academy dorms and into Midas for a movie and something they WANTED to eat….not that cafeteria…stuff. Xian wrapped Xan’s coat around him tighter, “Are you SURE you are okay without a coat?”
Xanthus nodded and grinned at Xian, “Besides, this way I have an excuse to sleep with you tonight -- conserving body heat ..”
“Like we have ever needed an excise before…”
Xan stuck his tongue out at his lover and pulled him under a tree pinning him there easily, then nibbled his way into a deeper kiss, running his fingers through the blonde tresses and nibbling his way don’t Xian’s throat, “Been too long since we made out in public…”
“The movie…just let out…”
“That was a movie…semi private…”
Xian chuckled, “Glad to know you are keeping track of all this…”
So the two blonde men made out against a tree in a park in Midas. The snow fell around them and they were in a winter wonderland…but were too wrapped up in each other to even notice…
14. Chimes
“I am going to kill you Xi…”
“Why? I am at the office…?”
“You set the damned ringer on my phone to chime….it is driving me crazy….”
“I did not…I think you did it and are trying to blame me…”
“I am blaming you because you are the one who did it…”
“Did you try changing the ring tone yet you twit…”
“Bite me Xian Sami…”
“I would, but I am in the office and you would like that too much…”
“Why the damn chimes….”
“To drive you out of your mind…”
“It’s working.”
“Then my work there is done…”
~*~
15. Silent night
Xanthus stood in his empty home watched the waves crash on the shore. It was quiet without Xian blasting his music in here. With him away on a trip there wasn’t a lot of noise and Xanthus found that while he didn’t mind it during the day he missed the noise at nights. The place was too quiet…Xian needed to hurry up and get his butt back to Amoi.
Silent nights just weren’t Xanthus’ thing anymore…
~*~
16. Video Clips
Xian was going to kill his friend. SLOWLY. Why of all the times he had loaned Xanthus his projector had it been to show pictures from the night all their friends had done drag for charity? Why hadn’t he taken the damn disc OUT of the machine? So now his entire newest batch of potential investors had seen video clips of him in drag…
He had gotten two dinner invitations, but still….
“XANTHUS KOTA I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!!!”
Across town in his office at the market, Xanthus had the sudden urge to duck under his desk…
~*~
17. Revenge
Xanthus was in a rage. When this happened most in Amoi were smart enough to get the hell out of his way. There were a few, heavily armed men, Xian, and possibly Raoul who would try and stop him. Today there was not a whole lot of a chance of that happening. Raoul was next to him and Xian …. Xian was home on pain killers.
The person who had hurt Xian was now going to be hurt….and Raoul was going to make sure no one interrupted his time alone with Omaki Ghan…. They stormed into the tower and up to his private offices. Xanthus was in the door and Raoul was guarding it before the assistant had a chance to do anything.
“Omaki, I TRUSTED you to take care of him. I told you that time and again. That you had to make him happy…you hurt him Omaki…”
He watched through raging eyes as Omaki tried to deny what happened, but by this point it was all white noise to Xanthus. Xian was his best friend and had been more… He had given him up for his own good to someone who had promised to take care of him...
Raoul listened at the door and smiled coldly at the sound of fists hitting flesh and the occasional body crashing into furniture. Omaki shouldn’t have messed with Xian. If Xanthus had still been out of town Raoul would have taken care of it and STILL stood guard for his friend…Just like Xan had done for him back when someone had messed with Iason back in the Academy…
Omaki leaned against the wall hold his ribs and looking out of one eye that was almost swollen shut, the other was and his was a mess of cuts, and bruised and at least two cracked ribs... Xan knelt and pulled him closer to him by the hair, “Listen to me Omaki. I protect my own. Consider this a WARNING. Mess with him or Raoul or anyone else like that again and you will not walk away…” He tossed him down and nodded to him before collecting Raoul and letting his friend lead him out of the building to the street.
“Your revenge satisfied….” He asked Xanthus looking at his friend.
Xan shrugged, “For the moment…”
Raoul was suddenly thrilled he had never pissed Xanthus off…he didn’t want to be the one making his eyes that cold….
~*~
18. Tears
Blondies don’t cry. It was drilled into them from an early age. You are the Blonde Elite. Emotions weaken that. So no tears, at least none where you could be seen. It was an unspoken rule.
He had wept and raged in his office when he heard about Yousi. He had screamed and thrown thing s and le the tears fall. But no one had seen him… No one had heard him.
He had wept bitterly over the years….in private. His public persona never wavered. Until today…
Today he sat on a bench by the beach and le the tears pour down his face….the wind making his blonde hair dance around him…and let them fall.
~*~
19. Please forget about me…
He was gone.
Xanthus had burst into tell him he was accepted into Amoi’s grad program and fuck Jupiter and her orders…to find his lover gone. All of his things were gone. All of the memories were gone. Except a pile of pictures that had been removed from the frames and left on the bed. His trembling hand picked them up. They were every picture Xian had had of the two of them. They were here…like bad memories he never wanted to think of again and he …was gone…
Xan picked up the letter and almost didn’t read it…but then found he had to…he had to know…
“Xan, Snookie - I am sorry to do this now. But it is now or never and if I wait to see you - it will be never. It has to end Xan. I never thought I would be saying this to you. Ever. But it has to. You need to go to Alpha Zen and I have to stay here. And…Omaki has offered to let me live with him and see what happens. I am taking him up on the offer. We have to move on from this - fling. So please, forget about me and live your life Xan.
~Xian Sami’
Xanthus let his head hang down and sigh. It was over. He hadn’t been enough. A single tear ran down his face and silent sobs shook his shoulders…
~*~
20. Diary
Xian Sami Private Journal
‘I sent Xan away today. He came to me here at the tower and asked me why. Why I had left him with only a note. I couldn’t tell him it was because I couldn’t have done it if he were there in front of me looking like he did today. I had to do it while he was at that damn grad school interview on Alpha Zen. Mother says it is the best chance he has at becoming the Blondie he is meant to be. I was doing really well and then he did the one thing I never thought Xanthus Kahn would do for another person…ever.
He got on his knees and begged me for a valid reason. Xan begged. He doesn’t ASK for a pencil in math if he doesn’t have one and he BEGGED me.
Still can’t wrap my mind around it. I mean that much to him… I need a drink because I think I just broke the person I love…
~Xian Sami
~*~
21. Bizarre
Xan looked at the spot next to him in line for books at the grad school bookstore and realized for the first time since they were eight Xian wasn’t there. He sighed it felt - bizarre for lack of a better term. Bizarre that he was here and Xi was there. That they weren’t even speaking at the moment.
Bizarre that he had begged, on his knees and still hadn’t received a straight answer. He shrugged and forced his mind to deal with it. Maybe Xian was right and it had just been a fling. Something they needed to get out of their systems so they could move on to be the Blondies they were meant to be…
If that was true then it shouldn’t feel so bizarre to be here alone and wishing like hell Xian was hanging on his shoulder with that damn grin on his face…
~*~
22. Last Meal
If Xian had known Xanthus would really stay away for all four years - he would have taken him out one last time. Let them raise a little hell and flipped off the world the way that they had become know for. If he had known he wouldn’t smell or touch him for four years he would have hugged him one last time before he left. If he had known he would have kissed him once again just to remind them both of what they had.
At the least he would have taken him out to dinner. After all what is one last meal between friends…
~*~
23. I’ll never forget you…
(This one directly follows #28 - Death)
Xanthus stood over two graves and set carnations on them both, “You would laugh at me Omaki Ghan if you could see me here today. You would sneer and tell me I am here for appearances only. You would be wrong. I entrusted the one loved to you and you hurt him…almost to the point where he couldn’t be mended again. Xian is good now. Or at the very least he is getting better every day. I wanted to say I forgive you Omaki. I forgive you for hurting him; I forgive you for so many things. You see I wanted to hate you. I wanted to scream and rant and let your soul - if we all actually have one - be in unrest.” Xan shook his head and grinned slightly, “But I love him too much. I have found I can’t love him like I do and still have room for the amount of hatred I wanted to give you. So I forgive you Omaki. I will remember you as you were in the Academy and the good things. Because those are so very many…”
He turned to go, “But I will never forget….” He said over his shoulder and made his way back to the bike that was waiting to take him home to the confuse spouse he had left there.
In the wind there was an old familiar laugh and a teasing voice that said, “Thank you…”
~*~
24. Remembrance
(This directly follows #23 - I’ll never forget you…)
Xian looked at the two head stones and sighed, “Xan told me he came to see you and I came to put flowers on our child’s grave. I am moving on Omaki and I am happy. I don’t know if this pleases you or not. I am willing to bet more on the not.” He looked away and sighed, “I wanted to let you know that I am letting go. I need to and I love him too much to cling. So I will remember you in the good moments and the happy times. We had a lot of them didn’t we?”
He set the flowers down and smiled wanly, “Always remember…never forget. That way you will always live on. Isn’t that what they say?”
~*~
25. Thoughts of friends
Xanthus started making the slide show the first week of their senior year. It was a multi-media show of their close group of friends. The first meetings and first outings to the trips and vacations together. The ups and downs that came with a decade of friendship.
It took his an entire semester and then when it was done he commandeered the movie room and showed it to them with no warning or intro. Xian came up and behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, “You are a closet softy Xanthus Kota.”
“Shh, you will ruin my rep as a hard ass…”
Xian chuckled, “I think you already did that with this display…”
“Oh well…” Xan grinned, “It’s worth it I suppose…”
~*~
26. Hopeless Love
“Have you ever thought we were hopeless Xian? Ever thought we were wasting our time?” Xan asked one night as they lay on their lounge chair snuggling under throw.
“Hmmm... The trip you took to the math conference back in senior year, when we fought entire night before you left and I was to stubborn to tell you goodbye. You said when you came back it would be to another dorm, that you welcome in ours anymore... “Xian said after thinking for a moment, “That night i thought we were hopeless, that it was over... I was so mad I didn’t care, until I fell asleep and woke up in an empty room... I couldn't wait for you to come back."
Xan kissed him, “I cam back…”
“Then you slept in Raoul’s room for a week. I was ready to skin you alive…”
“You still punched me before you let me take you to bed to kiss and make up…”
“I still thought we were hopeless at that point…” Xian admitted softly.
“Glad to know we aren’t though. Aren’t’ you?”
“Always glad Snookie…always…”
~*~
27. Love you for a lifetime…
A sheaf of photos blew from a table on a wind worn deck that faced the ocean. Two blonde men were in all of them. In some they were older. In some they were younger. In a most they were laughing and touching.
Two blonde men slept on a lounge chair in the sun. Their long wild blonde hair now faded to platinum. Their wild days of painting the town red had past. Their insane loud fights that had made them infamous were now stories that amused them or at most made them shake their heads.
On their left hands two silver bands still rested, worn with time and by being the kind of hands-on business owners they were. The pictures that flew free would be missed, but the memories were still clear to the two older men as they slept on…two pictures snagged and held fast. One was of two little blonde boys in Elite Academy formal uniform arms around each other’s shoulders and then the other was at a 50th wedding anniversary party. The two men were the same in each picture…on the back of the anniversary picture in a still elegant scrawl was written, “To love you for a lifetime….always has….always will…
~*~
28. Death
Yanked from a deep and restful slumber, Xian turned blinking his eyes as he tried to focus his vision on the cell pad vibrating on the bedside table, its blue light flashing that an urgent message needed his immediate attention. “This had better be good.” He mumbled, pulling himself from the warmth of his husband’s arms. He reached for the cell, it was his answering service, and there was a situation that required his attention on the vidphone. He looked back to make sure Xan was still sleeping and decided to take it in the den, so as not to wake him.
Sitting down at the desk he turned on the vidphone and sit in awe of the scene that played out before his eyes, it repeated itself over and over in his head, even though now he stared at a blank screen. Surveillance footage from Omaki’s penthouse in the tower. Every movement captured on footage. He shook his head in bewilderment as he walked to bay window and watched as the moonlight shimmered on the water’s surface. Tide was out, taking with it all that was no longer needed, all that was once shining and brimming with life, all that had been used and discarded lay waiting to be swept back out into the vast and unforgiving sea…
Xan wandered in yawning and took him in his arms, “You know, if you are going to brood, you can do it in bed love. I can’t sleep well if you aren’t there…” He yawned again and looked at his husband’s face; Xian didn’t have to say anything. He narrowed his eyes, “What the hell did he do now?”
Xian lowered his gaze, to distraught for words. He only pointed at the monitor on the desk.
Xan pulled away from his husband and went to the phone on the desk hitting the replay button; his eyes grew wide as he took in the video footage, gasping for breath. It played in its entirety the gruesome story of his husband’s ex-lover’s last moments:
Its quiet and dark in the penthouse. A soft glow illuminates the master bedroom where Omaki sits, he sighs as he rises from the bed they once shared, turning to look back one last time. He stops before his painting of Xian and wipes the tears off his cheeks. The Blondie cuts a lock of his hair and leaves it next to the picture.
Omaki then makes his way to the balcony and climbs up on the railing. The breeze is harsh and cold and whips the Blondie's golden hair all around. He clutches a piece of paper to his chest, Xian’s letter, from months ago.
Omaki,
"I love you and I will fight to keep you. If it means loosing every single one of them, then so be it. As long as you say that you are with me and only me, then I will not doubt you again. If I have a problem I will come to you first and listen to you. I am your lover and yours only, I have never looked from you and never will, you rock my world, in every way."
Omaki holds out Xian's false promises and let's the piece of paper fly off into the wind before leaning forward and falling away himself. Only silence follows. In a few seconds, the once beautiful and lively Omaki Ghan lies smashed and broken on the streets of Amoi.
Xan sent the phone flying across the room and slammed his fists into the table, enraged, by what he saw. He turned back to Xian, pulling him close in his arms, kissing the top of his head as he ran his fingers through the blonde tresses. “What can I do for Love?” he asked softly.
The feelings inside him were to complex to put into words. A tremendous wave of relief swept through his body, causing him to collapse in Xan’s arms. “It’s over… it’s finally over.” He whispered in a voice shaken with sorrow.
He stood at the edge of a deep and open grave, dressed in black, his hands now empty as he watched them lower his lover into his final resting place. On his coffin lie a red rose, as deep in color as once had been Xian's love for the other, now gone. He remembered his face, the childlike innocence in his lover’s smile, the desperation in his embrace when Xian had been gone for too long, the almost singing tone in Omaki’s voice when he was happy and had things his way. This is the way he chose to remember him, to keep him close to his heart, when their love was strong. Before Omaki had realized he could use that love to hurt, to bend Xian and punish him with it, to keep him ever leery of his thoughts and actions, afraid at times to speak his own mind, but there is only so many times a love even one that strong can be pushed, before it snaps in half, turns cold and breaks free.
He stepped back from the edge and into the loving arms of his husband, looking around at all his friends who had come to be here with him and say their own goodbyes. Many there were, far more than even he could have imagined. The closest ones gathered near to him, a tight group, cherished and loved. They had been there all along, he had never bothered to notice until he found himself needing them, their company and was thrilled beyond words when they surrounded him, taking him back into the midst as if he’d never left them in the first place.
Xan was glad their friends had come. He knew Xian thought they had abandoned him to some extent. Perhaps they had. But the prodigal son had come home. He and Xi would never live full time in Eos. They would never be the picture perfect Blondies….hell if that were the case they wouldn’t be married. He placed an arm around Xian’s shoulders and pulled him away from the graves and back to the cars that would take them to their villa and their guests…
The moonlight played across the darkened bedroom, it’s light reflecting in from the water. He lie wrapped in his husband’s arms as he did every night, tracing his jaw line with the gentle touch of his finger watching him as he dreamt. The peacefulness and security of his new life lulling him into sleep, he leaned and stole from his husband the kiss that only one in deep slumber can give, the one of true and endless love. Xian lay his head down and snuggled into his favorite spot in the center of Xan’s chest, where he could hear his heart beating as if it existed only to play it’s rhythm for his sleeping ears and there he drifted off watching the dancing beams of moonlight as the tide came back in, bringing with renewed life and the promise of a new day…
Xan waited for Xian to fall asleep and stayed up the rest of the night keeping watch over his other half and protecting him. He didn’t know from what….but he didn’t sleep and just held him all night…
~*~
29. Sky Blue
Xian watched his friend sleep and smiled. Those eyes that were closed were bluer than the sky of Amoi. Those eyes could tinkle or blaze. When they blazed it could be with rage or passion - and he prided himself on being one of the few who could tell the difference. He thrilled seeing those eyes dance. They rarely danced, so when the did it was a great treat. It meant his friend was truly happy. If he could he would make the skies be as blue as Xan’s eyes….
That was it….make the sky be Xanthus blue….perfect….
~*~
30. Memories
Xan couldn’t face Xian yet. He wasn’t ready to look at his former lover, the man he still loved so much…so he left the memories on his desk. Funny how all their memories could fit into three medium sized boxes. He looked over his shoulder one last time as he walked past the staff and back out to his bike. He sat on it for once and smiled, “You keep the memories for up Pookie mine…”
~*~
The End…for now anyway…
~~
30 Memories - Xanthus and Xian Sami-Kota
~*~
Xan grinned as he thumbed through the pictures around him. Flashbacks came and went as memories flooded over him. He looked up as Xi entered the room with coffee and food, “Running late Xi….”
Xian rolled his eyes, “Whatever…now lemme see some of these. They aren’t just yours you know you picture hog…”
“Better a picture hog than a blanket hog…”
“Thin ice Sami-Kota….very thin ice…”
“Love you to, Xi.”
~*~
1. Ten Years Ago…
Xanthus Kota looked at the diploma in his hands. It was done. No more dorm food, no more dorm. No more rooming with Xian. They had graduated with HONORS no less. He was off to the University on Alpha Zen like Mother wanted. He leaned back on his bed and closed his eyes….his mind going back ten years….
~~
The small Blondie was scared and bravely trying not show it. He wasn’t sure he liked the idea of sharing his bedroom with someone, especially some one he had never met! Why couldn’t he have gotten Kobin as his roommate? He new his friend well enough to know that he wouldn’t be this nervous. Then there was a thud on the other side of his room. He looked up into wide golden eyes and a grinning face, “Hi, I am Xian Sami, nice to meet you.”
“Xanthus Kota, pleasure is mine.” He said offering his hand and shaking the other boy’s firmly. Xian grinned a little brighter and returned the handshake.
Blue eyes met gold and something happened. A friendship formed that was unexpected…
~~
Xian Sami was annoyed; he had no clue who this Xanthus Kota was. Why did he want to share a room for ten years with someone he didn’t know? Although he was sure he WOULD know him after ten years, why had Mother sent him here? HE walked into his assigned room and ran his eyes over the other young Blondie in the room. He looked as nervous as Xian felt and that made the other boy feel a little better….
“Hi, I am Xian Sami, nice to meet you.”
Then deep blue eyes were turned on him and a grin grudgingly appeared, “Xanthus Kota, pleasure is mine.”
~~
Xanthus looked around the room from his spot on his bed and sighed at all the boxes everywhere….Ten years were now all packed up. He didn’t see his best friend in the door way until his voice startled him.
“Xan, get your butt up. I swear you must have a moping gene that missed the rest of us….”
“Coming Xi, just hush …”
The door closed and the ghosts of two young Blondies sitting on their beds talking were all that was left of the past in that room….
~*~
2. Rings
There was a gentle breeze floating along the beach. There were three people on the beach that didn’t even notice it. One was dressed in all black and looked very professional in comparison to his companions. Both others were dressed in designer jeans and button down dress shirts, neither had shoes on and their longer blonde hair danced on the breeze as it toured past them.
“By the power and symbolism of these rings, I declare you…married…”
Xanthus turned to Xian, tilted his face up and kissed his lips gently, nibbling on his lower lip to let him into his mouth. The gently explored it when his new husband sighed into his kisses and returned the favor of the exploration.
Neither noticed the lack of their third member or the sand the sea or the soothing breeze. All they felt certain of was the cool metal encircling their left ring fingers and the other body currently in their arms.
“Care to move this to our suite, Xanthus Sami-Kota?”
“Sounds good to me….” The fading sunlight glinted off the matching silver rings on their left hands as they laughed and kissed their way up to the penthouse…
~*~
3. Omamori
Xian stroked the necklace and chuckled. Even from Alpha Zen and in the middle of exams Xanthus had remembered his birthday. But an amulet? For protection? He snorted and dropped it back into the box and picked up the note.
‘Xi, tried to make it to see you today, but these exams are not the things of dreams. So, I saw this and it made me laugh. If anyone doesn’t need to be protected it’s you. But since I am not there….figured my best friend might need some back up… ~Xan’
He picked up the amulet again and put it in his desk drawer with a grin and a shake of his head. IT wasn’t Xan, but if it was back up….who was he to argue….? He went back to the email he had been writing and added a thank you for his back up…and took out the angry part about missing his birthday celebrations.
~*~
4. Lost
He was lost How the hell did you lose a damned shuttle? How was it that it was Xan's shuttle that got lost...His friend was coming home. His eyes remained glued to screen for a few more moments before storming up to the counter. No one lost his best friend…
~~
Xan tried again to call Xian on his personal comm. station. HE shook his head and sighed, “I hate being rerouted…”
~~
“What do you mean you don’t know why? I told him to take private shuttles…” Xian glared at the unfortunate company rep over the counter. His golden eyes flashed fire, “I recommend you find him…NOW.” HE leaned closer, “Or I might get crankier…”
“S-Sir I am sorry! We have lost all contact…”
“NOW!”
~~
Xan called the casino and got the voicemail. He called the condo in Eos and then the villa, leaving messages everywhere. Xi’s personal communicator was turned off. Xan wasn’t sure if he was angry that his friend seemed to have forgotten him or hurt…
~~
Xian paced and glared at the woman who was frantically calling and calling. He felt almost bad for scaring her. But until he was sure they hadn’t hurt or lost his friend, all bets were off…
~~
Xan finally landed on Amoi and walked off….to see Xian calmly informing a shaking young woman her future was in jeopardy, she shook hi head and wrapped an arm around Xian’s shoulders from behind him and grinned wearily at the clerk, “I am sorry Miss, has my friend been an ass?”
~~
Xian stopped mid-tirade and smirked, “YOU are late dumbass…”
Xan snorted, “I doubt her pet as that long of a list of ancestors for you to be cursing them…” He squeezed, “I have been gone four years and I don’t even get a hug? Now I am wounded Sami. Mortally wounded. Maybe someone else wants a hug from me…”
Xian growled and hugged his friend, “YOU are a dumbass…why have we been friends for so long again?”
“Too lazy to go find another one…”
“Twit.”
“Bite me braid boy….”
Xian just held on tight. Xan had been lost and now he was found. He was home... Who cared about anything else…?
~*~
5. Do you remember…?
NICKELBACK LYRIC
Xian is sitting in the bedroom floor between Xanthus’ legs as they lean back against the bed. Laughing at times so hard it brought tears to their eyes. Other times they grew serious, stern, and still yet sad, as if mourning for times remembered in the images they held in their hands. Before the Blondie’s the floor is covered with pictures from their childhood, memories of Academy days, wild weekends before graduation and after, the past, their past it linked them together. Best friends for life
they hold the pictures up one by one
Look at this photograph… OMG, we looked like that.
Every time I do it makes me laugh… Raoul dressed in pink drag for the school play, blowing a kiss.
How did our eyes get so red… Guess we must have been drunk in this one too.
And what the hell is on Joey's head…”I think he was the one in the club that night, wearing the tinfoil hat.
And this is where I grew up… Dark and strict, the academy looms, a single pair of red underwear on the flagpole, ruffled in the wind.
I think the present owner fixed it up… Food, laundry, toilet paper decks the hall, two young men passed out in the middle of it, cognac bottle in one in each boys hands.
I never knew we'd ever went without…Xanthus sits empty bottle in his hand, held upside down. He looks at it as if mourning a great loss as he sits in the flower garden amongst the tulips.
The second floor is hard for sneaking out… Xian looking rather pissed, threatening the camera with the cast on his left arm…”Goddamn window.”
And this is where I went to school… 9th hour History class, decked with shaving cream, toilet paper and condoms. ”Who says hurling your roommate out the window last Friday night, aren’t current events. It was in the paper.”
Most of the time had better things to do…”DETENTION!!!” tosses it aside
Criminal record says I broke in twice… Both outside in the hall, wearing shiny silver handcuffs. ”Still got the fucking ‘F’.”
I must have done it half a dozen times… Mission Complete. Xan holds the bottles of liquor in his hands as he makes a stealthy getaway.” Dammit you just had to yell, ‘I got it.” And get us busted again.”
I wonder if It's too late…One of the last meetings between the two, before lives and careers separated them.
Should I go back and try to graduate…Being thrown out of graduation ceremonies for showing the History Professor that the two moons of Amoi can be full at the same time. ”The man had no sense of humor at all.”
Life's better now then it was back then… Two pictures make the paper. Very influential Blondies, tycoons and business moguls. Side by side.
If I was them I wouldn't let me in… A young Xian turns to curse at a bodyguard as he is led from the rock concert in cuffs.
Oh oh oh
Oh god I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Remember the old arcade… Late childhood, both yelling at the pinball machine.
Blew every dollar that we ever made… “Every dollar we ever made beating someone up.”
The cops hated us hangin' out…Early teens, lead from building in cuffs, creating a public disturbance. “Yeah, they knew we would cause trouble as soon as their backs were turned.”
They say somebody went and burned it down… Xian looks back at Xan, and cocks an eyebrow. Xan smiles, innocently. ”At least you didn’t caught this time.”
We used to listen to the radio…The music blasts through the halls as the two, in their teens. Wearing only sunglasses and their underwear, dance.
And sing along with every song we know…Strutting down the hall, after they sneaked into Omaki’s room and stole his vibrators to use as microphones.
We said someday we'd find out how if feels
To sing to more than just the steering wheel. “Like singing to the bars of the holding cell?”
Kim's the first girl I kissed… “That’s not Kim! It’s Heiku!” "No you lie, it was Kim.....Heiku was in drag...." ”That IS Heiku in drag.”
I was so nervous that I nearly missed…Xan slides across the hood of his first car, right after passing his driving test. ”Finally.”
Oh oh oh
Oh god I
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
I miss that town… 6 young blondies piled and hangin’ out of a car on their way to paint the town red.
I miss the faces… A young Xan is confused as Kobin sits him straight of a few matters. “Wtf I did, to this day I still don’t know.”
You can't erase… Xian burst out laughing as Omaki depants Xan in the cafeteria and slaps his ass…
You can't replace it… Mid-teens, Xian finally get the nerve to turn and kiss Omaki.
I miss it now… Afternoon nap under the shade tree, during Science period.
I can't believe it… Xian turns and winks as he walks into HIS casino the first time.
So hard to stay… They pull back to look at the mess they’ve made scattering pics on the floor, nah; it was really to go get another bottle.
So hard to leave it… Xian picks up a really old and worn pic
If I could I relive those days… The first group recess on the playground.
I know the one thing that would never change…Xian walks with his arm around Omi as he hands a laughing Xan the day’s bottle of cognac and looks to his lover puckering his lips.
Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it, time to say it
Goodbye, goodbye
Look at this photograph… The second litter of Blondies holds their diplomas in front the flagpole, which now bears a purple pair of thongs.
Everytime I do it makes me laugh…The lover’s spat in the hall between Iason and Raoul.
Everytime I do it makes me… Xan holds a picture in his hands as Xian leans over to look at it, both with warm smiles on their faces as they gaze at memory forgotten until now.
~*~
6. Anniversary
There were the passes to their favorite club, lying on the table unused. The champagne sat unopened and chilled. His gift for his friend sat un -opened and forgotten on his roommate’s bed. After when you had a boyfriend evidentially you didn’t need to remember your old friends anymore…
He saluted the scene with his contraband bottle of whiskey and grinned mirthlessly, “Happy anniversary Kota…you schmuck…”
HE leaned his head back and sighed.
Maybe the time had come to stop celebrating being back together in this dorm after the summer…
~~
Xian ran through the halls. OF all the damn days for his car to break down and him not be able to mooch a damn ride. He was so late for meeting up with Xan. He opened the door to see Xanthus asleep, a bottle of whiskey in his hand that made him flush in shame. Xan only drank hard stuff when he was down he set his gift next to Xanthus’ pillow and then sat on the floor and watched his friend sleep, keeping guard.
“You fucked it up this time Sami…”
~~
Xan opened his eyes and grinned sleepily, “Morning…”
Xian smiled back rubbing his eyes and stretching, “The car died….by the time I got here…”
“I was passed out.”
“Pretty much.”
Xanthus pointed to the gift on his bed, “Better late than never hmm?”
Xian nodded and then grinned at the hand tooled leather gloves, “Thank you…”
“Sick of bandaging your knuckles all the time….” Xan teased opening his, to reveal the leather coat he had been lusting after for over two months…
He knelt and kissed him, not caring the other had a boyfriend, or that they were best friends and this was crossing a line… He needed to kiss Xian and he needed it NOW…
And so began a different anniversary…
~*~
7. I promise I’ll be back…
“Why the hell do you have to go all the way to Alpha Zen? You don’t have to do everything she wants Xanthus!”
Xian Sami was pissed. How dare his best friend decided to leave the damned planet for university and not tell him? Or at least warn him before he found out another way. His golden eyes flashed.
Xanthus sighed and massaged his temples, “I’ll be back, and you can come there. Xi, you know I have to go. Nothing will change if I don’t.”
“Who says I want it to change?”
“Don’t OI deserve the chance to see if I get to change?”
Xian threw his bottle against the wall delighting in its shattering sound. He looked at his friend and nodded sadly. Xanthus deserved it. But that dint’ mean he had to be happy about it. He just wanted to sit and scream and then stomp his feet like he had when he had been younger. Instead he got up and wrapped his arms around him.
“If you hate it?”
“Next shuttle home…and crashing on your couch.”
“Don’t replace me?”
“How the hell would I do that?”
Xian shrugged, “Just don’t.”
Xanthus laughed, “No one replaces the Pookie.”
Xian snorted, “You better believe that Snooks or they are a dead man…” he looked into the blue eyes he trusted so much, “Promise…”
“I will be back….I promise…”
~*~
8. Sunset
The warmth of the fading sunlight cast warm hew over the two that slept on a lounge chair looking out over the lights dancing on the sea of Amoi. To blonde head nestled near to each other and their limbs all tangled under a throw blanket. They slept soundly, fully unaware how at peace they looked and the warm earth tones of the slow ending of the day warmed their skin tones and mad the highlights in their hair seem richer…
Xian and Xanthus Sami-Kota sleep on….after all, taking a nap with your spouse is what you do on Sundays…..
~*~
9. Figuring
Xian hated paying bills. The math was annoying, it kept making the money LEAVE his account instead of coming into it…he shot a look around his office looking to see if he could find ANYTHING to use to procrastinate…
There on the edge of his desk in a sterling silver frame was a picture of two blonde men on a lounge chair on a deck. He had never figured he and Xanthus would get married. Or that their two villas would now be the envy of Eos once all the renovation works was done. He never figured on paying the bills for his FAMILY of all things…
He sat back and grinned a silly little grin, well, figuring was best left for bills not future planning….
~*~
10. I’ll Miss you…
Xian held a piece of paper in a death grip in his hands. He hadn’t been able to make himself go see Xanthus off. He had been dressed and ready to go to the transport dock, but in the end he couldn’t make his feet move. He let loose a husky laugh. Turns out Xanthus had known him better than he had known himself. Right as the departure time hit there had been a delivery of his favored brand of cognac and a note.
‘I’ll miss you… ~Snookie’
Damn him for using the special name…Xian could be mad at Xanthus for awhile….but Pookie could never stay mad at Snookie…
“Xanthus, the next time we decide to give each other nicknames, let’s not be drunk out of our minds…” He saluted the sky line with his bottle and sighed, “I’m going to miss you too, you bastard…”
~*~
11. Wait for me…
Xanthus hoped Xian had gotten the delivery. It would be his luck it hadn’t arrived on time. He knew Xian wouldn’t come to see him off. He knew it. But still, it would have been nice to see his friend one last time before he left. He knew Xian wouldn’t come to see him and that if he ever were able to make a trip home his friend wouldn’t be found. Xi was mad and hurt and so he would react. He closed his eyes and leaned his head against the window, “Wait for me Pooks…four years is nothing….”
~*~
12. Is it you?
Pain sucked. Xanthus Kota came to that monumental decision as he lay in a hospital bed listening to Heiku rant at him that he wasn’t in the Academy anymore and that a man of his standing shouldn’t be out bar brawling. He would nod and smile, but his head might fall off…and he was too tired and hurt too much to go and chase it…he let his eyes drift shut and time swam by him…
The next time he opened his eyes the light from the moons was filtering in and there was a man sitting next to his bed, but it was too hard to focus, “Xian, that you?”
“Who the hell else would sleep in these damn chairs to keep an eye on you? GO back to bed so Heiku will release you sooner and we can go back to sleeping in our bed and not here.”
“Sorry Pookie…”
“Oh shut up and rest. You make this up to me when you aren’t lone large bruise…”
~*~
13. Wonderland
There was snow drifting to the ground when they left the movie. It had been cold and crisp when the two young men had left on their date. They had snuck out of the Academy dorms and into Midas for a movie and something they WANTED to eat….not that cafeteria…stuff. Xian wrapped Xan’s coat around him tighter, “Are you SURE you are okay without a coat?”
Xanthus nodded and grinned at Xian, “Besides, this way I have an excuse to sleep with you tonight -- conserving body heat ..”
“Like we have ever needed an excise before…”
Xan stuck his tongue out at his lover and pulled him under a tree pinning him there easily, then nibbled his way into a deeper kiss, running his fingers through the blonde tresses and nibbling his way don’t Xian’s throat, “Been too long since we made out in public…”
“The movie…just let out…”
“That was a movie…semi private…”
Xian chuckled, “Glad to know you are keeping track of all this…”
So the two blonde men made out against a tree in a park in Midas. The snow fell around them and they were in a winter wonderland…but were too wrapped up in each other to even notice…
14. Chimes
“I am going to kill you Xi…”
“Why? I am at the office…?”
“You set the damned ringer on my phone to chime….it is driving me crazy….”
“I did not…I think you did it and are trying to blame me…”
“I am blaming you because you are the one who did it…”
“Did you try changing the ring tone yet you twit…”
“Bite me Xian Sami…”
“I would, but I am in the office and you would like that too much…”
“Why the damn chimes….”
“To drive you out of your mind…”
“It’s working.”
“Then my work there is done…”
~*~
15. Silent night
Xanthus stood in his empty home watched the waves crash on the shore. It was quiet without Xian blasting his music in here. With him away on a trip there wasn’t a lot of noise and Xanthus found that while he didn’t mind it during the day he missed the noise at nights. The place was too quiet…Xian needed to hurry up and get his butt back to Amoi.
Silent nights just weren’t Xanthus’ thing anymore…
~*~
16. Video Clips
Xian was going to kill his friend. SLOWLY. Why of all the times he had loaned Xanthus his projector had it been to show pictures from the night all their friends had done drag for charity? Why hadn’t he taken the damn disc OUT of the machine? So now his entire newest batch of potential investors had seen video clips of him in drag…
He had gotten two dinner invitations, but still….
“XANTHUS KOTA I AM GOING TO KICK YOUR ASS!!!”
Across town in his office at the market, Xanthus had the sudden urge to duck under his desk…
~*~
17. Revenge
Xanthus was in a rage. When this happened most in Amoi were smart enough to get the hell out of his way. There were a few, heavily armed men, Xian, and possibly Raoul who would try and stop him. Today there was not a whole lot of a chance of that happening. Raoul was next to him and Xian …. Xian was home on pain killers.
The person who had hurt Xian was now going to be hurt….and Raoul was going to make sure no one interrupted his time alone with Omaki Ghan…. They stormed into the tower and up to his private offices. Xanthus was in the door and Raoul was guarding it before the assistant had a chance to do anything.
“Omaki, I TRUSTED you to take care of him. I told you that time and again. That you had to make him happy…you hurt him Omaki…”
He watched through raging eyes as Omaki tried to deny what happened, but by this point it was all white noise to Xanthus. Xian was his best friend and had been more… He had given him up for his own good to someone who had promised to take care of him...
Raoul listened at the door and smiled coldly at the sound of fists hitting flesh and the occasional body crashing into furniture. Omaki shouldn’t have messed with Xian. If Xanthus had still been out of town Raoul would have taken care of it and STILL stood guard for his friend…Just like Xan had done for him back when someone had messed with Iason back in the Academy…
Omaki leaned against the wall hold his ribs and looking out of one eye that was almost swollen shut, the other was and his was a mess of cuts, and bruised and at least two cracked ribs... Xan knelt and pulled him closer to him by the hair, “Listen to me Omaki. I protect my own. Consider this a WARNING. Mess with him or Raoul or anyone else like that again and you will not walk away…” He tossed him down and nodded to him before collecting Raoul and letting his friend lead him out of the building to the street.
“Your revenge satisfied….” He asked Xanthus looking at his friend.
Xan shrugged, “For the moment…”
Raoul was suddenly thrilled he had never pissed Xanthus off…he didn’t want to be the one making his eyes that cold….
~*~
18. Tears
Blondies don’t cry. It was drilled into them from an early age. You are the Blonde Elite. Emotions weaken that. So no tears, at least none where you could be seen. It was an unspoken rule.
He had wept and raged in his office when he heard about Yousi. He had screamed and thrown thing s and le the tears fall. But no one had seen him… No one had heard him.
He had wept bitterly over the years….in private. His public persona never wavered. Until today…
Today he sat on a bench by the beach and le the tears pour down his face….the wind making his blonde hair dance around him…and let them fall.
~*~
19. Please forget about me…
He was gone.
Xanthus had burst into tell him he was accepted into Amoi’s grad program and fuck Jupiter and her orders…to find his lover gone. All of his things were gone. All of the memories were gone. Except a pile of pictures that had been removed from the frames and left on the bed. His trembling hand picked them up. They were every picture Xian had had of the two of them. They were here…like bad memories he never wanted to think of again and he …was gone…
Xan picked up the letter and almost didn’t read it…but then found he had to…he had to know…
“Xan, Snookie - I am sorry to do this now. But it is now or never and if I wait to see you - it will be never. It has to end Xan. I never thought I would be saying this to you. Ever. But it has to. You need to go to Alpha Zen and I have to stay here. And…Omaki has offered to let me live with him and see what happens. I am taking him up on the offer. We have to move on from this - fling. So please, forget about me and live your life Xan.
~Xian Sami’
Xanthus let his head hang down and sigh. It was over. He hadn’t been enough. A single tear ran down his face and silent sobs shook his shoulders…
~*~
20. Diary
Xian Sami Private Journal
‘I sent Xan away today. He came to me here at the tower and asked me why. Why I had left him with only a note. I couldn’t tell him it was because I couldn’t have done it if he were there in front of me looking like he did today. I had to do it while he was at that damn grad school interview on Alpha Zen. Mother says it is the best chance he has at becoming the Blondie he is meant to be. I was doing really well and then he did the one thing I never thought Xanthus Kahn would do for another person…ever.
He got on his knees and begged me for a valid reason. Xan begged. He doesn’t ASK for a pencil in math if he doesn’t have one and he BEGGED me.
Still can’t wrap my mind around it. I mean that much to him… I need a drink because I think I just broke the person I love…
~Xian Sami
~*~
21. Bizarre
Xan looked at the spot next to him in line for books at the grad school bookstore and realized for the first time since they were eight Xian wasn’t there. He sighed it felt - bizarre for lack of a better term. Bizarre that he was here and Xi was there. That they weren’t even speaking at the moment.
Bizarre that he had begged, on his knees and still hadn’t received a straight answer. He shrugged and forced his mind to deal with it. Maybe Xian was right and it had just been a fling. Something they needed to get out of their systems so they could move on to be the Blondies they were meant to be…
If that was true then it shouldn’t feel so bizarre to be here alone and wishing like hell Xian was hanging on his shoulder with that damn grin on his face…
~*~
22. Last Meal
If Xian had known Xanthus would really stay away for all four years - he would have taken him out one last time. Let them raise a little hell and flipped off the world the way that they had become know for. If he had known he wouldn’t smell or touch him for four years he would have hugged him one last time before he left. If he had known he would have kissed him once again just to remind them both of what they had.
At the least he would have taken him out to dinner. After all what is one last meal between friends…
~*~
23. I’ll never forget you…
(This one directly follows #28 - Death)
Xanthus stood over two graves and set carnations on them both, “You would laugh at me Omaki Ghan if you could see me here today. You would sneer and tell me I am here for appearances only. You would be wrong. I entrusted the one loved to you and you hurt him…almost to the point where he couldn’t be mended again. Xian is good now. Or at the very least he is getting better every day. I wanted to say I forgive you Omaki. I forgive you for hurting him; I forgive you for so many things. You see I wanted to hate you. I wanted to scream and rant and let your soul - if we all actually have one - be in unrest.” Xan shook his head and grinned slightly, “But I love him too much. I have found I can’t love him like I do and still have room for the amount of hatred I wanted to give you. So I forgive you Omaki. I will remember you as you were in the Academy and the good things. Because those are so very many…”
He turned to go, “But I will never forget….” He said over his shoulder and made his way back to the bike that was waiting to take him home to the confuse spouse he had left there.
In the wind there was an old familiar laugh and a teasing voice that said, “Thank you…”
~*~
24. Remembrance
(This directly follows #23 - I’ll never forget you…)
Xian looked at the two head stones and sighed, “Xan told me he came to see you and I came to put flowers on our child’s grave. I am moving on Omaki and I am happy. I don’t know if this pleases you or not. I am willing to bet more on the not.” He looked away and sighed, “I wanted to let you know that I am letting go. I need to and I love him too much to cling. So I will remember you in the good moments and the happy times. We had a lot of them didn’t we?”
He set the flowers down and smiled wanly, “Always remember…never forget. That way you will always live on. Isn’t that what they say?”
~*~
25. Thoughts of friends
Xanthus started making the slide show the first week of their senior year. It was a multi-media show of their close group of friends. The first meetings and first outings to the trips and vacations together. The ups and downs that came with a decade of friendship.
It took his an entire semester and then when it was done he commandeered the movie room and showed it to them with no warning or intro. Xian came up and behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist, “You are a closet softy Xanthus Kota.”
“Shh, you will ruin my rep as a hard ass…”
Xian chuckled, “I think you already did that with this display…”
“Oh well…” Xan grinned, “It’s worth it I suppose…”
~*~
26. Hopeless Love
“Have you ever thought we were hopeless Xian? Ever thought we were wasting our time?” Xan asked one night as they lay on their lounge chair snuggling under throw.
“Hmmm... The trip you took to the math conference back in senior year, when we fought entire night before you left and I was to stubborn to tell you goodbye. You said when you came back it would be to another dorm, that you welcome in ours anymore... “Xian said after thinking for a moment, “That night i thought we were hopeless, that it was over... I was so mad I didn’t care, until I fell asleep and woke up in an empty room... I couldn't wait for you to come back."
Xan kissed him, “I cam back…”
“Then you slept in Raoul’s room for a week. I was ready to skin you alive…”
“You still punched me before you let me take you to bed to kiss and make up…”
“I still thought we were hopeless at that point…” Xian admitted softly.
“Glad to know we aren’t though. Aren’t’ you?”
“Always glad Snookie…always…”
~*~
27. Love you for a lifetime…
A sheaf of photos blew from a table on a wind worn deck that faced the ocean. Two blonde men were in all of them. In some they were older. In some they were younger. In a most they were laughing and touching.
Two blonde men slept on a lounge chair in the sun. Their long wild blonde hair now faded to platinum. Their wild days of painting the town red had past. Their insane loud fights that had made them infamous were now stories that amused them or at most made them shake their heads.
On their left hands two silver bands still rested, worn with time and by being the kind of hands-on business owners they were. The pictures that flew free would be missed, but the memories were still clear to the two older men as they slept on…two pictures snagged and held fast. One was of two little blonde boys in Elite Academy formal uniform arms around each other’s shoulders and then the other was at a 50th wedding anniversary party. The two men were the same in each picture…on the back of the anniversary picture in a still elegant scrawl was written, “To love you for a lifetime….always has….always will…
~*~
28. Death
Yanked from a deep and restful slumber, Xian turned blinking his eyes as he tried to focus his vision on the cell pad vibrating on the bedside table, its blue light flashing that an urgent message needed his immediate attention. “This had better be good.” He mumbled, pulling himself from the warmth of his husband’s arms. He reached for the cell, it was his answering service, and there was a situation that required his attention on the vidphone. He looked back to make sure Xan was still sleeping and decided to take it in the den, so as not to wake him.
Sitting down at the desk he turned on the vidphone and sit in awe of the scene that played out before his eyes, it repeated itself over and over in his head, even though now he stared at a blank screen. Surveillance footage from Omaki’s penthouse in the tower. Every movement captured on footage. He shook his head in bewilderment as he walked to bay window and watched as the moonlight shimmered on the water’s surface. Tide was out, taking with it all that was no longer needed, all that was once shining and brimming with life, all that had been used and discarded lay waiting to be swept back out into the vast and unforgiving sea…
Xan wandered in yawning and took him in his arms, “You know, if you are going to brood, you can do it in bed love. I can’t sleep well if you aren’t there…” He yawned again and looked at his husband’s face; Xian didn’t have to say anything. He narrowed his eyes, “What the hell did he do now?”
Xian lowered his gaze, to distraught for words. He only pointed at the monitor on the desk.
Xan pulled away from his husband and went to the phone on the desk hitting the replay button; his eyes grew wide as he took in the video footage, gasping for breath. It played in its entirety the gruesome story of his husband’s ex-lover’s last moments:
Its quiet and dark in the penthouse. A soft glow illuminates the master bedroom where Omaki sits, he sighs as he rises from the bed they once shared, turning to look back one last time. He stops before his painting of Xian and wipes the tears off his cheeks. The Blondie cuts a lock of his hair and leaves it next to the picture.
Omaki then makes his way to the balcony and climbs up on the railing. The breeze is harsh and cold and whips the Blondie's golden hair all around. He clutches a piece of paper to his chest, Xian’s letter, from months ago.
Omaki,
"I love you and I will fight to keep you. If it means loosing every single one of them, then so be it. As long as you say that you are with me and only me, then I will not doubt you again. If I have a problem I will come to you first and listen to you. I am your lover and yours only, I have never looked from you and never will, you rock my world, in every way."
Omaki holds out Xian's false promises and let's the piece of paper fly off into the wind before leaning forward and falling away himself. Only silence follows. In a few seconds, the once beautiful and lively Omaki Ghan lies smashed and broken on the streets of Amoi.
Xan sent the phone flying across the room and slammed his fists into the table, enraged, by what he saw. He turned back to Xian, pulling him close in his arms, kissing the top of his head as he ran his fingers through the blonde tresses. “What can I do for Love?” he asked softly.
The feelings inside him were to complex to put into words. A tremendous wave of relief swept through his body, causing him to collapse in Xan’s arms. “It’s over… it’s finally over.” He whispered in a voice shaken with sorrow.
He stood at the edge of a deep and open grave, dressed in black, his hands now empty as he watched them lower his lover into his final resting place. On his coffin lie a red rose, as deep in color as once had been Xian's love for the other, now gone. He remembered his face, the childlike innocence in his lover’s smile, the desperation in his embrace when Xian had been gone for too long, the almost singing tone in Omaki’s voice when he was happy and had things his way. This is the way he chose to remember him, to keep him close to his heart, when their love was strong. Before Omaki had realized he could use that love to hurt, to bend Xian and punish him with it, to keep him ever leery of his thoughts and actions, afraid at times to speak his own mind, but there is only so many times a love even one that strong can be pushed, before it snaps in half, turns cold and breaks free.
He stepped back from the edge and into the loving arms of his husband, looking around at all his friends who had come to be here with him and say their own goodbyes. Many there were, far more than even he could have imagined. The closest ones gathered near to him, a tight group, cherished and loved. They had been there all along, he had never bothered to notice until he found himself needing them, their company and was thrilled beyond words when they surrounded him, taking him back into the midst as if he’d never left them in the first place.
Xan was glad their friends had come. He knew Xian thought they had abandoned him to some extent. Perhaps they had. But the prodigal son had come home. He and Xi would never live full time in Eos. They would never be the picture perfect Blondies….hell if that were the case they wouldn’t be married. He placed an arm around Xian’s shoulders and pulled him away from the graves and back to the cars that would take them to their villa and their guests…
The moonlight played across the darkened bedroom, it’s light reflecting in from the water. He lie wrapped in his husband’s arms as he did every night, tracing his jaw line with the gentle touch of his finger watching him as he dreamt. The peacefulness and security of his new life lulling him into sleep, he leaned and stole from his husband the kiss that only one in deep slumber can give, the one of true and endless love. Xian lay his head down and snuggled into his favorite spot in the center of Xan’s chest, where he could hear his heart beating as if it existed only to play it’s rhythm for his sleeping ears and there he drifted off watching the dancing beams of moonlight as the tide came back in, bringing with renewed life and the promise of a new day…
Xan waited for Xian to fall asleep and stayed up the rest of the night keeping watch over his other half and protecting him. He didn’t know from what….but he didn’t sleep and just held him all night…
~*~
29. Sky Blue
Xian watched his friend sleep and smiled. Those eyes that were closed were bluer than the sky of Amoi. Those eyes could tinkle or blaze. When they blazed it could be with rage or passion - and he prided himself on being one of the few who could tell the difference. He thrilled seeing those eyes dance. They rarely danced, so when the did it was a great treat. It meant his friend was truly happy. If he could he would make the skies be as blue as Xan’s eyes….
That was it….make the sky be Xanthus blue….perfect….
~*~
30. Memories
Xan couldn’t face Xian yet. He wasn’t ready to look at his former lover, the man he still loved so much…so he left the memories on his desk. Funny how all their memories could fit into three medium sized boxes. He looked over his shoulder one last time as he walked past the staff and back out to his bike. He sat on it for once and smiled, “You keep the memories for up Pookie mine…”
~*~
The End…for now anyway…