(no subject)
i think most of my problems originate in the fact that i am extremely spoiled.
and obviously not in the material sense -- my parents don't have the means to give me nearly everything i want. so i've been accustomed my whole life to not really getting much, especially compared to what all my peers got. (yay for private school!)
but maybe to make up for the fact that they couldn't give me what it seemed like everybody else my age was getting, my parents instead waited on me hand and foot and treated me like the center of the universe. and they still do. i am by far the center of my parents' lives. my dad works 12 hour days at the age of 64, working his fucking ass off so i can do things normal-- not even rich-- teenagers get to do. he spends about 10 dollars a week on food for himself and doesn't travel, shop, or spend any of the money he earns. and my mom devotes everything she does to me and my sister -- we are the center of her life. she spends ours doing our laundry, cleaning our rooms, fixing our apartment, and any money that's not spent on food or bills goes directly to me. it's never more than 20 bucks a month or so, but still -- she doesn't have a penny for herself.
and i'm extremely grateful, but i'll never be able to express it to her enough. because what it all comes down to is that i've learned that i am the center of the world and every bad thing that happens in my life is a huge catastrophe. example: it rained on saturday, which was supposed to be hempfest, and i couldn't deal with being wet and cold. even though most everybody who was out was also wet and cold, i had to make a huge thing of it because i'm special and bad things aren't allowed to happen to me. and today when i got home from school i was a little bit hungry, and there wasn't any food in the house. my mom had been busting her ass all fucking day doing my laundry, trying to sort out shit at the bank so i can stay in private school, and bending over backwards so my room can be more pleasant. and yet when she came home from food shopping five minutes after i got home, i went ripshit. i was screaming and throwing forks and slamming drawers and i broke my freezer door. and i screamed at her for eating my whole wheat english muffins and my sorbet. all because i had to be hungry for five minutes.
it's ironic how in compensating for what they lacked financially, my parents only harmed me more than they could have imagined. because learning you're not the center of the universe is hard to take when that's what you've been taught your whole life. and i've only just started dealing with it.
and obviously not in the material sense -- my parents don't have the means to give me nearly everything i want. so i've been accustomed my whole life to not really getting much, especially compared to what all my peers got. (yay for private school!)
but maybe to make up for the fact that they couldn't give me what it seemed like everybody else my age was getting, my parents instead waited on me hand and foot and treated me like the center of the universe. and they still do. i am by far the center of my parents' lives. my dad works 12 hour days at the age of 64, working his fucking ass off so i can do things normal-- not even rich-- teenagers get to do. he spends about 10 dollars a week on food for himself and doesn't travel, shop, or spend any of the money he earns. and my mom devotes everything she does to me and my sister -- we are the center of her life. she spends ours doing our laundry, cleaning our rooms, fixing our apartment, and any money that's not spent on food or bills goes directly to me. it's never more than 20 bucks a month or so, but still -- she doesn't have a penny for herself.
and i'm extremely grateful, but i'll never be able to express it to her enough. because what it all comes down to is that i've learned that i am the center of the world and every bad thing that happens in my life is a huge catastrophe. example: it rained on saturday, which was supposed to be hempfest, and i couldn't deal with being wet and cold. even though most everybody who was out was also wet and cold, i had to make a huge thing of it because i'm special and bad things aren't allowed to happen to me. and today when i got home from school i was a little bit hungry, and there wasn't any food in the house. my mom had been busting her ass all fucking day doing my laundry, trying to sort out shit at the bank so i can stay in private school, and bending over backwards so my room can be more pleasant. and yet when she came home from food shopping five minutes after i got home, i went ripshit. i was screaming and throwing forks and slamming drawers and i broke my freezer door. and i screamed at her for eating my whole wheat english muffins and my sorbet. all because i had to be hungry for five minutes.
it's ironic how in compensating for what they lacked financially, my parents only harmed me more than they could have imagined. because learning you're not the center of the universe is hard to take when that's what you've been taught your whole life. and i've only just started dealing with it.