some on please rip out my heart
new years was fun.. did somthing i wish i hadnt.. but i survived so it will be ok.. thanks john for taking care of me and not letting me die... but yeah i still had lots of fun.. i hadnt celebrated new years the past two years so im happy that i got to celebrate this year.
my mind has not been where it should be lately ..im not thinking straight im not sleeping.. it started on monday night... i just couldnt stay asleep i woke up and stayed up then eventually went to bed.. then i just havent been able to stay asleep the whole night. i keep waking up like every 20 mins.. i hate it im sooo tired so i tried to take a nap and umm yeah no i couldnt fall asleep. i think its cause i have to much on my mind. I HATE THIS..i know what it is too... damn U thats all i have to say... NO im lying thats not all i have to say..
false hope...i give it to myself too much.. i feel like bursting into tears right now but nothing comes out i cant cry anymore.. i havent been happy in over a month.. i lie to my friends and tell them im fine but im not.. im miserable... absolutly..i wish he never called me .. never let me think i could see him agian.. never gave me the hope that things would go back.. i cant help that i still have such strong feelings for him.. i cant i want them to go away so i can give my attention to a better somsone. and i was doing soo good too.. then outta the blue.. my phone rings its him.. i tried to act all cool.. but when somsone u care about is telling u how much they still care about u and is apologizing for screwing up and beggin u to see him so u guys can talk and he can explain himself because he cares soo much an explaining how he thought of u and still thinks of u.. its hard to act like it doesnt matter ... i dont want to care.. but i do, i care because no one else cares no one ever cared about him or wanted to help him. i promised i would and i cant break that. then the day comes aroun and my hopes are high and we talk and then it comes time to see him and he blows me off. I CANT TAKE THAT.. not anymore i put up with it once.. y do i do this to myself i know i deserve better and i know who better is ... im just a retard... and now im cursed with the thought of him..constantly in my mind... SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT GO AWAY.. i need closure, not this leaving me hanging bullshit .. my heart is ripping into a million peices and i keep letting ppl stomp them into the ground...
i do this to myself all the time.. i drive myself crazy.. i cant take it i want it all to stop.. i need somthing to take my mind off of things.. i dont even have that anymore .. i dont have somthing to take my mind off things i gave that up..actually i gave it all up...im a bad person.
my mind has not been where it should be lately ..im not thinking straight im not sleeping.. it started on monday night... i just couldnt stay asleep i woke up and stayed up then eventually went to bed.. then i just havent been able to stay asleep the whole night. i keep waking up like every 20 mins.. i hate it im sooo tired so i tried to take a nap and umm yeah no i couldnt fall asleep. i think its cause i have to much on my mind. I HATE THIS..i know what it is too... damn U thats all i have to say... NO im lying thats not all i have to say..
false hope...i give it to myself too much.. i feel like bursting into tears right now but nothing comes out i cant cry anymore.. i havent been happy in over a month.. i lie to my friends and tell them im fine but im not.. im miserable... absolutly..i wish he never called me .. never let me think i could see him agian.. never gave me the hope that things would go back.. i cant help that i still have such strong feelings for him.. i cant i want them to go away so i can give my attention to a better somsone. and i was doing soo good too.. then outta the blue.. my phone rings its him.. i tried to act all cool.. but when somsone u care about is telling u how much they still care about u and is apologizing for screwing up and beggin u to see him so u guys can talk and he can explain himself because he cares soo much an explaining how he thought of u and still thinks of u.. its hard to act like it doesnt matter ... i dont want to care.. but i do, i care because no one else cares no one ever cared about him or wanted to help him. i promised i would and i cant break that. then the day comes aroun and my hopes are high and we talk and then it comes time to see him and he blows me off. I CANT TAKE THAT.. not anymore i put up with it once.. y do i do this to myself i know i deserve better and i know who better is ... im just a retard... and now im cursed with the thought of him..constantly in my mind... SOMEONE PLEASE MAKE IT GO AWAY.. i need closure, not this leaving me hanging bullshit .. my heart is ripping into a million peices and i keep letting ppl stomp them into the ground...
i do this to myself all the time.. i drive myself crazy.. i cant take it i want it all to stop.. i need somthing to take my mind off of things.. i dont even have that anymore .. i dont have somthing to take my mind off things i gave that up..actually i gave it all up...im a bad person.