Another day
Well, it's been another day.
I was supposed to go to an interview at McDonald's today. Jon set his alarm and I had no idea when it was set for. When the first alarm went off I was not able to stay awake. I sat up in the bed and fell asleep. I had to wait before I actually got out of bed. I think I stayed in bed for like another half hour or something and got up to take a shower. After my shower I went back into the bedroom to wake Jon up. He woke up, but we laid there for like a half hour. I told him I was going to get up now, he stayed in bed. I started to get ready and lost track of time. When I had finally looked at the clock is was only 40 minutes until we had to go. I went in the room and told Jon. He got pissed. Why didn't I wake him up earlier? He wanted to wake up when the first alarm went off... I told him I tried to wake him up then I went back to the bathroom to dry my hair. After, I went back into the room and apologized for not getting him up sooner. He was still pissed and made it clear that the reason he was not getting up is because he didn't want me to go get the job. Now, he didn't say those exact words, but I know that's what he was doing. It's because he asked me to wait three days and we could talk about me working there. I remember talking to him about working there and he told me no, every single time. Although, he doesn't recall talking about it. When we talked about it, he made it clear that covid is too bad out there. He doesn't want me to go to a job and get sick, or bring the sickness home. I get it. He's had the same outlook on it since this whole thing began. That's why I only worked part of last year. It's pretty much why I have only worked a handful of days since July. This sucks. Things are different now. We have no unemployment to rely on, and we didn't save a penny of what we got. We gave it all to his dad, and paid our bills on time every month. I guess that's how we were able to get through these months without me working. The problem is, our savings is gone. I am five months pregnant and we have nothing. I am not going to be able to work for like six weeks after Isaiah gets here. And Jon isn't going to want me to go back to work either. We are going to have a newborn baby. Six weeks is not enough time for Jon to get used to taking care of the baby on his own. I have had two kids and I know how to take care of a baby. When I had Joey and I was left to be a first time parent all by myself it was really hard. Joey was a tough baby. I had no idea what I was doing. it was really hard. I would get frustrated because I didn't know what to do. I wasn't sure if I was doing anything right, on top of being exhausted all the damn time. I could barely stay awake. If I didn't sleep when Joey slept then I didn't sleep at all. Joe didn't help me with that at all. He didn't help me with anything, actually. It's hard for me to go back and think about. I can't believe I did all of that by myself. Not only by myself, but with resistance. It was like he was pushing for me to fuck up, or make it harder for me to do the things that I had to do. Man am I so glad I don't have to deal with that anymore. I am glad that Jon is different. In pretty much every single way you can think of. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for Jon, and everything he has ever done for me. I am lucky to have him. I am still scared about money, though. I don't know how we are going to make this work. Honestly the only thing keeping me safe at home is being able to stay in this house for free. And 3 months ago that wasn't a thing. There was no free anything, because that's not how life works. I remember last September Becka was trying any angle she could to move back in here, or get us kicked out. Jon's mom told her that we weren't paying rent. His dad wasn't handing any money over to Becka, his mom was still having to pay rent. His mom asked us what we were going to do in the real world. How were we going to pay rent. Back then I wasn't working because I was on medical leave. I fell down the stairs back in May or June sometime. I didn't find out until July. It was bad. I ended up having to have an MRI. When I got the results I got the even worse news. I needed to have major surgrey on my ankle. They had to do five different procedures on it. Well, I should say have to. I never got the surgrey. I stopped working at the end of July. We didn't pay rent in August and shit got so bad with his dad we weren't sure if we were going to have a place to stay. So I was forced to go back to work. My job wouldn't let me work more than 2 days a week. It was stupid. His das was badgering us and treating us like dog shit because we were behind. Yet, we spent all of our time doing doing doing for him. He is still Jon's full time job. It was bullshit. Then, I found out I was pregnant and the surgrey got called off. At least until I have the baby. I could probably go years and years without having this surgrey. I might have to. I acutally have had this issue with my ankle for a long time. I have pieces of bone that have been floating around for so long they are actually smooth. Like a rock that has been eroded in the water, or sand. The ligaments have been torn for so long I have scar tissue going all the way up the back of my calf that needs to be scraped off. My cartilidge needs to be shaved back into a shape that it is supposed to be in. It's been this way for years. I know this because I've had the same problem for years. I'd just be walking, and all of a sudden my ankle would give out and I would be on the floor. How embarassing. I'm glad I found out why that was happening. I'm glad it can be fixed. I'm looking at like two months of recovery time. And a whole month of not walking or putting weight on it. LOL and I'm about to have a baby. The easiest thing to do would probably have the surgrey right after I have the baby. So I don't have to worry about getting up to chase him all over the place. *SIGH* Who knows what were going to do. Everything is so fucking up in the air. This is why I want to start making money now. We have to do something.
We will figure it out. <3