Bebes
Time for a LJ update. I've been so bad for journaling lately. It turns out this hole growing two people thing is pretty tiring. And I've been keeping a written journal too.
But yesterday we had our 12 week ultrasound. Wow wow wow, it was incredible. But first lets back up. At our 7 week scan the ultrasound tech announced to us that we had twins (which was freakin crazy!!!). I have to admit, it took me awhile to come to terms with it. I seriously went through a little hit of a grieving process which at first made me feel really really guilty. But nevertheless it was there. I had to grieve the loss of a sort-of-normal pregnancy and a motherhood for which I had a completely different image in my mind. Not to mention worries about not just myself, but others being able to distinguish our kids apart. It's important to me that people know up they are, and it will take more effort when they look the exact same.
So coupled with this crazy grieve process was the fact that we were not yet sure about the type of twins we had. Lets talk twin lingo: di/di means they have separate placentas and desperate sacs (less scary on the twin scale), mo/di means they share a placenta but have separate sacs (more scary on the twin scale but manageable), an then there's mo/mo which means they share a placenta and a sac (terrifying on the twin scale, means that their cords can tangle around each other and means they will be delivered by c section only at 32 weeks latest). So up until yesterday we were tile they were likely mo/mo. Which I freaked out a little bit about but was actually surprisingly and remarkably able to stay pretty calm and relaxed about, as we read some article online that alot of mo/mos are falsely identified too early because its too early to see the membrane between them.
Ok, one last thing. We went to the high risk OB clinic a couple of weeks ago for our first appointment. We stroll in there all excited with our list of ridiculous questions, and it turns out the the original OB that I was referred to I couldn't get in with until like en of April, so we went with the dude she shares a practice with. But we get there and he's apparently on vacation? So we end up with the fill in for the fill in, and man was she bad. I guess I've been spoiled with incredible doctors in my past and perhaps this is more of a realistic experience? She strolls and proceeds to make me feel like an idiot and somebody not deserving on this experience. Very condescending and arrogant. Yes lady I do have cf and diabetes and now twins, but that's why I was referred to these awesome doctors an not you. You could tell she was used to only dealing with absolutely perfect pregnancies. But luckily we are quite health literate and know that half of what she said was full of shit. Like when he told us we would need to do amniocentesis to find out if the babies were carriers of CF. but to not worry too much because most carriers don't have too many symptoms and can usually live somewhat ok lives.... I told her that I'm proudly growing two cute little carriers. She also did a scan but didn't really know how to read it. She said I had a weird shaped uterus and that the twins were mo/mo "for sure" and that I can expect a horrible pregnancy with terrible complications and mutant preemee babies with CF even though they will just be carriers. And she didn't turn her cell phone off during our appointment. Seriously...
Enter Jordan. God is he amazing. I think I was ready to reach over and smack the lady. He said he couldn't get me out of terr fast enough. Man did he calm me down after that. We decided to wait and freak out if we needed once it was confirmed by a real doctor that they were in fact scary twins. An that we would deal with it if we had to. And tere aren't two people better suited to cope with it if that's the case. He also helped me get through that weird grieving process. Yes it is different than what we had anticipated, but it's going to be incredible in so many ways. We really really value individuality and uniqueness and we are so well suited for this. Plus he said how frickin cute will it be having two identical twins running around at the folk fests?
Ok, so back to yesterday. I was mildly nervous because we still didn't know whether we had the scary twins or not. But we had the most incredible tech and she spent an hour doing the scan with us. We both saw it. "Wait!!!! Is that a fucking membrane!!!! Holy shit!!!" She hovered over it for a few minutes for us. What. Relief.
Now, despite being identical, they are already different. Twin A (I asked how they pick which one is a and which one is b, a Is closer to the cervix) is the feisty one. She didn't stop moving around an was moving her arms and kicking her legs an didn't stop moving around the whole time. It never moved into the right position and we didn't ever get a good picture. Twin b in the other hand is the mellow one. Just chilling out with her legs crossed, hamming it up and posing perfectly. The last shot they got was of them facing each other. It was such an unreal experience. Even just two weeks ago they still looked Ike little blobs, an now they're little people with a head, body, arms and legs. And we checked out their stomachs and bladders and their hearts were going. Heart rates were the exact same at 168 (totally normal) and both sized perfectly normal, although b is a little on the larger size, but still normal.
I still can't believe how lucky I am to get to experience this. It is all so unreal and so incredible. So much love right now.
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