make myself proud
so idk what it was about 2014 that is just one giant blur, like everything kind of seems to run together, events fade in and out and no major place holders or book ends seem to separate anything from everything. well at a surface level anyway. there are definite highlights/low lows, and i think maybe this mood over the whole year can be blamed on the pretty consistent xanax use through out the majority of it? but i've stopped doing that and i'm really happy about it. at first it was hard and now i don't really give it a 2nd thought unless i'm hungover and then i am dying. i do take 3mg of melatonin pretty much every time i go to sleep though.
2014 ended with a good feeling but also for some reason i'm really glad it's over. (maybe i feel this way every year?) i've been already beginning to work hard on the goals i have for my life for the past few months and although i am not super close to achieving my goals i feel really positive where i'm heading. it is important for me to live the life of the people i want to be like or aspire to be like. people i admire don't drive around in cars that are so filthy they resemble mobile dumpsters, their rooms are positive reflections of themselves, they eat fruits and vegetables (not fast food), are smart, passionate, have cute style, and treat their loved ones with respect and their loved one's lives are made richer by knowing them. i want to spread love and live with an adventurous spirit in a realer way than ever before. i ended last semester with 2 A's, a B+ and a C+. this semester my goal is to work harder to make classes that i got +'s in just the next grade, fuck +'s what a waste of time.
i want to be someone i'm really proud of and stop comparing myself to others. spend less time online letting it bring me down, more time studying or reading the material of minds i love and look up to. continue working out and getting stronger, try and reach out to women who are friendly and inspirational to me. something that i have seen switch in me is that i don't find it a priority to be friends with "the cool kids" or whatever anymore like i used to (lol) but you still kind of hang on to that hope. now i just want to surround myself with people who get me, have healthy habits and the same sense of humor. it's kind of a lot harder than it sounds. i missed having a girl best friend in 2014. i still do, it can be lonely sometimes, and i am fortunate to have all of the amazing, special girlfriends that i am lucky to know but i really do miss having a best friend. it's okay though. my mom and i have been becoming a lot closer and that makes me really happy. i need to not take my mom for granted. family members, or anyone i care about. i wish i didn't feel the urge to drink alcohol for socializing but i'm not completely over it. i just feel really positive for things to come. by this time next year i will have only 1 more semester until i (finally) get my bachelor's and as of this very moment i hope i will continue on to graduate school. i am still saving for a trip to europe, and if it takes me until i am 30 i don't care because at least i will have made it happen. i have no plans of marriage or children until at least 10 years from now (i have no idea what will actually happen but i like how that sounds right now). i am 25 years old and i'm going to make these last few months of being 25 something i can be proud of.
2014 ended with a good feeling but also for some reason i'm really glad it's over. (maybe i feel this way every year?) i've been already beginning to work hard on the goals i have for my life for the past few months and although i am not super close to achieving my goals i feel really positive where i'm heading. it is important for me to live the life of the people i want to be like or aspire to be like. people i admire don't drive around in cars that are so filthy they resemble mobile dumpsters, their rooms are positive reflections of themselves, they eat fruits and vegetables (not fast food), are smart, passionate, have cute style, and treat their loved ones with respect and their loved one's lives are made richer by knowing them. i want to spread love and live with an adventurous spirit in a realer way than ever before. i ended last semester with 2 A's, a B+ and a C+. this semester my goal is to work harder to make classes that i got +'s in just the next grade, fuck +'s what a waste of time.
i want to be someone i'm really proud of and stop comparing myself to others. spend less time online letting it bring me down, more time studying or reading the material of minds i love and look up to. continue working out and getting stronger, try and reach out to women who are friendly and inspirational to me. something that i have seen switch in me is that i don't find it a priority to be friends with "the cool kids" or whatever anymore like i used to (lol) but you still kind of hang on to that hope. now i just want to surround myself with people who get me, have healthy habits and the same sense of humor. it's kind of a lot harder than it sounds. i missed having a girl best friend in 2014. i still do, it can be lonely sometimes, and i am fortunate to have all of the amazing, special girlfriends that i am lucky to know but i really do miss having a best friend. it's okay though. my mom and i have been becoming a lot closer and that makes me really happy. i need to not take my mom for granted. family members, or anyone i care about. i wish i didn't feel the urge to drink alcohol for socializing but i'm not completely over it. i just feel really positive for things to come. by this time next year i will have only 1 more semester until i (finally) get my bachelor's and as of this very moment i hope i will continue on to graduate school. i am still saving for a trip to europe, and if it takes me until i am 30 i don't care because at least i will have made it happen. i have no plans of marriage or children until at least 10 years from now (i have no idea what will actually happen but i like how that sounds right now). i am 25 years old and i'm going to make these last few months of being 25 something i can be proud of.