convictions.
I don't know where i'm going with my life. I'm 16, in highschool. I have shitty grades for my potential, I've now been arrested twice. I've went from very actively involved with my community to a juvenile delinquent. I used to have all the answers for everyone, and now I'm questioning everything in my life. More than anything I want a clean start. I don't know what else could happen to me to turn my life around. Last night I was in the back of a police car for two hours handcuffed by myself. It's a real eye opener. You go through life thinking that wouldnt happen to you, but it does. I've had so many people in my life tell me I could go so many places with what I've got. It's not that I havnt believed them, it's just that I didnt care. I've been reckless. I wasn't really doing anything wrong last night, not compared to some things. Wrong place, right time. I'm not going to go into detail, because what happened doesn't matter anymore, its what happens from it. A felony doesn't look good on anything. I saw my whole future demolish in front of me last night, but I realized the way I was going, I didn't have a future anyway. I've been living in the present too much. I don't know what to do about it. I can change things, I can start achieving what I'm capable of in school, but I don't know what that's going to take of me. Right now I don't know what going to happen to me. Uncertainty is haunting. I don't understand a lot of things. You think you have a decent grip on you're life. I thought I was just starting to turn things around. Then you're even farther down than you were. Hitting bottom is one step closer to getting up I guess. I'm too young to be there. Last night I got home around 2, and I layed in my bed until about 10 today. I didn't get any sleep. I just layed there because i didn't want my mom to think that I wasnt sleeping. I know she's worried about my wellbeing. I hate putting my mom through my mistakes. I should think of these things before i proceed to take the actions i do. If i could ever succumb to depression, now would be a fitting time. In a few weeks, I probably won't have a license. Right now my truck is sitting impounded. I'm getting it out in the morning. 150$. My wrists have red marks all the way around them from handcuffs. The side of my head is bruised from being shoved on the ground. Having a gun pointed at you is a frightening experience. Having someone tell you you're about to be tazed if you don't lay on a dirt road is somewhat frightnening also. I don't believe you're supposed to be experiencing these things at the age of 16. At any age for that matter. Last year, i was proving all those statistics I read over as a child wrong. Single parent low economic class high delinquency and prison rate. I was excelling in my school, not in grades but in posistion. I used to be well respected by most everyone, but with these things I would expect that to change.
A few minutes ago, i was sitting outside thinking. I thought maybe it would be better for me to out and out leave central, and go to mertzon. A new place, a new start. I'd hate to leave my friends behind, but anywhere would be better than the posistion i'm in. I don't know what to do to get it into my head that I'm doing wrong. I just don't know. My life is full of questions now.
I just hope that in a year, I won't be thinking about this. I hope that this will leave me. That this won't be affecting me. I hope I make good decisions, I hope something leads me in the right direction. I hope to be find myself. I need a girlfriend. To stop me from making these mistakes. To center my attention on something. Even if it's not school, anything would be better than what i'm focused on now, considering i'm focused on nothing. I havnt liked a girl in a long time. Atleast when I like someone i focus on them enough to try to be with them, or be around them and if I did that It'd be better than being out looking for something to do but always just finding trouble.
I'm sorry for those i've dissapointed. I assure you I have dissapointed myself more than anything, but I wish more than anything that my decisions didn't effect the people the way they did. My decisions used to seem like they were usually the best for everyone, now there detiorating. You're decisions decide you're life, so detiorating decisions means a detiorating life. I'm pathetic.
I wrote this for a baby
who has yet to be born
my brother's first child
I hope that womb's not too warm
cause it's cold out here
and it'll be quite a shock
to breathe this air
to discover loss
so I'd like to make some changes
before you arrive
so when your new eyes meet mine
they will see no lies
just love.
just love.
so please forgive what I have done
no you can't stay mad at the setting sun
cause we all get tired I mean eventually
and there's nothing left to do but sleep
I'm going to go lay in my bed. If you have advice, go for it. I'm not going to object to anything at this point. Thank you.
A few minutes ago, i was sitting outside thinking. I thought maybe it would be better for me to out and out leave central, and go to mertzon. A new place, a new start. I'd hate to leave my friends behind, but anywhere would be better than the posistion i'm in. I don't know what to do to get it into my head that I'm doing wrong. I just don't know. My life is full of questions now.
I just hope that in a year, I won't be thinking about this. I hope that this will leave me. That this won't be affecting me. I hope I make good decisions, I hope something leads me in the right direction. I hope to be find myself. I need a girlfriend. To stop me from making these mistakes. To center my attention on something. Even if it's not school, anything would be better than what i'm focused on now, considering i'm focused on nothing. I havnt liked a girl in a long time. Atleast when I like someone i focus on them enough to try to be with them, or be around them and if I did that It'd be better than being out looking for something to do but always just finding trouble.
I'm sorry for those i've dissapointed. I assure you I have dissapointed myself more than anything, but I wish more than anything that my decisions didn't effect the people the way they did. My decisions used to seem like they were usually the best for everyone, now there detiorating. You're decisions decide you're life, so detiorating decisions means a detiorating life. I'm pathetic.
I wrote this for a baby
who has yet to be born
my brother's first child
I hope that womb's not too warm
cause it's cold out here
and it'll be quite a shock
to breathe this air
to discover loss
so I'd like to make some changes
before you arrive
so when your new eyes meet mine
they will see no lies
just love.
just love.
so please forgive what I have done
no you can't stay mad at the setting sun
cause we all get tired I mean eventually
and there's nothing left to do but sleep
I'm going to go lay in my bed. If you have advice, go for it. I'm not going to object to anything at this point. Thank you.