fuck.

[megalomania84]

dennis came in this morning and i told him i was really scared to go to work and he asked why and i realized he didn't know what had happened, so i explained it to him and he was like "WHAT? yeah, i might not be sending you ANYWHERE" so i asked if he could just find out what was going on with that, like if the situation had been resolved so i guess he called joe and he just called me and was like "you don't have to go if you don't want to. it's completely up to you." so i thought about it and yes im extremely scared to go, and yes i have no idea whats going on but i vowed a year and a half ago never to be a victim again and never to let a guy stop me from doing what i want to do so i'm going and if something happens it happens but i've been through worse in the past and i know i can deal with it and that this is a situation that i did the right thing in (for once) and that i should be proud of myself and not run scared. yes, the fear i feel is justified and completely normal (they said ANYONE would feel like this), but the guilt is not. i did the right thing and now it's time to follow through and move forward, not run away and avoid life. that would be moving backwards. thats old ebie.

joes exact words "ebie, this has happened many times in the past we just couldnt do anything about it cuz no one would come forward. so you should be extremely proud of yourself. this isn't the first time this has happened. but thanks to you, it will be the last."

i still can't believe i did that yesterday. and i still can't believe this is happening again.