What I liked about The Last Failbender
Long entry, copied from my Y!Journal, with a few things added, because my SADNESS CANNOT BE CONTAINED.
All the horrible things that have been said (and more that haven't) about Shymalan's Airbender are true. If you've seen it, you know it's true. It just plain SUCKED OUT LOUD. I truly believe that Eclipse was the better movie, for all its undeniable suckitude. My belief is that this is the PERFECT set-up for a remake. A complete do-over. Anything that another director could do with the source material would be better than this.
It's just abysmal. From the opening exposition to the ending... exposition. There are far, far too many things to say against it to cover here. There was practically NOTHING right. THEREFORE, I'd like to list all the things I DID like about it.
The Blue Spirit (surprisingly), though only when thinking of his character as completely separate from Patel's Zuko. There was no way I believed Patel was inside all that get-up, but the Blue Spirit himself, for his few moments of screen time, moved in an appealing way and actually looked competent. STORYTELLING AND BACKSTORY ABSOLUTELY ASIDE.
The "training area" that appeared in the Blue Spirit fight scene, the circular space with the rotating rock partitions that could be swung open and closed with airbending. Thought it was an interesting concept. THOUGH WHY IT WOULD BE IN A FIRE NATION CAMP THAT WAS CLEARLY NOT A PART OF THE AIR NOMAD TERRITORY, I HAVE NO IDEA.
The sluggishly floating rock that it took half a dozen earthbenders stomping the yard to move. I was warned about this rock. I was waiting for it. I was looking forward to laughing at it, and so rather being once again APPALLED by the utter lameness of the bending in Shymalan's world, I was ready to laugh at it, and so I did.
The way Zuko hopped into his little ship bunk (right before he sensed the explosion meant to kill him). That was a slick little move.
The little curl that stuck out from "Zhou's" head in his last scene. It looked silly. Like it was trying to escape.
That was it.
No really, that was everything I liked about this movie. Ask me about ANYTHING else, and I will have 457,000 complaints about it.
And as anyone will tell you, DO NOT spend a CENT for the 3-D that was hurriedly slapped on after the film was complete. It darkens and muddies the world, is poorly used and executed, and adds not one thing.
I can't tell you not to go see it, since (after all this negative review hullabaloo over an adaptation of my most beloved series) I was plagued by curiosity and had to see for myself. So do what you will. Just know that it'll be crap if you do. EXPECT the crap.
Ahem. The rant (topics in no particular order):
Why was the movie only an hour and a half long when there was an entire season of Avatar to condense? I thought it could make a two-three hour film easily! * Why were the bending effects SO shoddy? Seriously, there was always a ton - A TON - of arm-waving and kicking and twirling before anything would move! And why didn't the element being bent ever seem to follow the movements of the bender? * Why did they feel the need to show the Firelord (who was butt-ugly, you know he was) at all? * And HOW the HELL did Zhou keep popping back over to the fire nation capital to deliver the latest news to the Firelord in person? * WHY, if firebenders in this universe can't create their own fire, didn't the other nations simply PUT OUT THEIR FUCKING FIRES when they saw the fire nation coming?! Why didn't the earthbender prisoners SURROUNDED BY EARTH AND ROCK WALLS not simply throw some freakin' DIRT on the little BBQ grills their "captors" used?! * Why did M. Night feel the need to change the pronunciation of their names and even of the word "avatar" just to be "authentic" when there was NOTHING else authentic in that entire world? * Don't think I didn't notice how the fire nation decoration on the columns outside the Firelord's palace only went about eight feet high. Above that, they were so obviously a borrowed building of Greco-Roman design! It was like they didn't think the cameras would ever show that high, so they didn't waste the budget, and then when the cameras showed it, they went "eh, no one will notice". * Where was Zuko's hideous, see-it-from-a-mile-away scar? * Why did the fish spirits GLOW? Why was that necessary? * Why did the waterbender guy in the north pole (who was probably supposed to be Paku, but who knows, cuz they never bothered to name him) when he walked up to the row of spear-weilding soilders on the wall, suddenly go "OOOOOOOOOOOH!"? What the hell kind of war cry is that? * Where was the giant amazing KOI-ZILLA that Aang became at the end and took out the invading ships? The spirit of the ocean that was PISSED that they'd killed the moon? * What was that bullshit about the Avatar never being allowed to hurt anyone? And for that matter, what was that bullshit about the Avatar never being allowed to have a family? Roku got married and had kids and grandkids and lived a perfectly normal life! * Why did Iroh go to all the trouble of conjuring fire in his hands and showing that he could bend without a source and then just... stop? And not bother to continue making his point of: YOU FUCKING MORONS YOU KILLED THE MOON AND NOW WE'RE ALL SCREWED!" * Why did Katara feel the need to simply STATE that her brother and Yue became fast friends? Possibly the most egregious example of "SHOW US, DON'T TELL US!" I can think of, but pretty much the whole movie was like that. * And why did Katara feel the need to interrupt Aang's SUPER-IMPORTANT meditation to tell him that she "always knew he was real" and "always knew he'd come back"? ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE AVATAR OR HIS POWERS UNTIL HER GRANDMOTHER TOLD HER ABOUT IT AFTER THEY MET AANG. * Why the hell was Sokka SO FUCKING SERIOUS?! Not a single joke! Hardly a smile cracked! Sokka, the meat and sarcasm guy that'sprettymuchmyentireidentityDIDWEFORGETTHATPART???!!! * And how about Aang! What happened to that "incorrigible prankster"?
All the love and joy and empathy has been utterly stripped from this movie, and it is abominable.)
Please, for the love of good stories, someone needs to remake this movie.
All the horrible things that have been said (and more that haven't) about Shymalan's Airbender are true. If you've seen it, you know it's true. It just plain SUCKED OUT LOUD. I truly believe that Eclipse was the better movie, for all its undeniable suckitude. My belief is that this is the PERFECT set-up for a remake. A complete do-over. Anything that another director could do with the source material would be better than this.
It's just abysmal. From the opening exposition to the ending... exposition. There are far, far too many things to say against it to cover here. There was practically NOTHING right. THEREFORE, I'd like to list all the things I DID like about it.
The Blue Spirit (surprisingly), though only when thinking of his character as completely separate from Patel's Zuko. There was no way I believed Patel was inside all that get-up, but the Blue Spirit himself, for his few moments of screen time, moved in an appealing way and actually looked competent. STORYTELLING AND BACKSTORY ABSOLUTELY ASIDE.
The "training area" that appeared in the Blue Spirit fight scene, the circular space with the rotating rock partitions that could be swung open and closed with airbending. Thought it was an interesting concept. THOUGH WHY IT WOULD BE IN A FIRE NATION CAMP THAT WAS CLEARLY NOT A PART OF THE AIR NOMAD TERRITORY, I HAVE NO IDEA.
The sluggishly floating rock that it took half a dozen earthbenders stomping the yard to move. I was warned about this rock. I was waiting for it. I was looking forward to laughing at it, and so rather being once again APPALLED by the utter lameness of the bending in Shymalan's world, I was ready to laugh at it, and so I did.
The way Zuko hopped into his little ship bunk (right before he sensed the explosion meant to kill him). That was a slick little move.
The little curl that stuck out from "Zhou's" head in his last scene. It looked silly. Like it was trying to escape.
That was it.
No really, that was everything I liked about this movie. Ask me about ANYTHING else, and I will have 457,000 complaints about it.
And as anyone will tell you, DO NOT spend a CENT for the 3-D that was hurriedly slapped on after the film was complete. It darkens and muddies the world, is poorly used and executed, and adds not one thing.
I can't tell you not to go see it, since (after all this negative review hullabaloo over an adaptation of my most beloved series) I was plagued by curiosity and had to see for myself. So do what you will. Just know that it'll be crap if you do. EXPECT the crap.
Ahem. The rant (topics in no particular order):
Why was the movie only an hour and a half long when there was an entire season of Avatar to condense? I thought it could make a two-three hour film easily! * Why were the bending effects SO shoddy? Seriously, there was always a ton - A TON - of arm-waving and kicking and twirling before anything would move! And why didn't the element being bent ever seem to follow the movements of the bender? * Why did they feel the need to show the Firelord (who was butt-ugly, you know he was) at all? * And HOW the HELL did Zhou keep popping back over to the fire nation capital to deliver the latest news to the Firelord in person? * WHY, if firebenders in this universe can't create their own fire, didn't the other nations simply PUT OUT THEIR FUCKING FIRES when they saw the fire nation coming?! Why didn't the earthbender prisoners SURROUNDED BY EARTH AND ROCK WALLS not simply throw some freakin' DIRT on the little BBQ grills their "captors" used?! * Why did M. Night feel the need to change the pronunciation of their names and even of the word "avatar" just to be "authentic" when there was NOTHING else authentic in that entire world? * Don't think I didn't notice how the fire nation decoration on the columns outside the Firelord's palace only went about eight feet high. Above that, they were so obviously a borrowed building of Greco-Roman design! It was like they didn't think the cameras would ever show that high, so they didn't waste the budget, and then when the cameras showed it, they went "eh, no one will notice". * Where was Zuko's hideous, see-it-from-a-mile-away scar? * Why did the fish spirits GLOW? Why was that necessary? * Why did the waterbender guy in the north pole (who was probably supposed to be Paku, but who knows, cuz they never bothered to name him) when he walked up to the row of spear-weilding soilders on the wall, suddenly go "OOOOOOOOOOOH!"? What the hell kind of war cry is that? * Where was the giant amazing KOI-ZILLA that Aang became at the end and took out the invading ships? The spirit of the ocean that was PISSED that they'd killed the moon? * What was that bullshit about the Avatar never being allowed to hurt anyone? And for that matter, what was that bullshit about the Avatar never being allowed to have a family? Roku got married and had kids and grandkids and lived a perfectly normal life! * Why did Iroh go to all the trouble of conjuring fire in his hands and showing that he could bend without a source and then just... stop? And not bother to continue making his point of: YOU FUCKING MORONS YOU KILLED THE MOON AND NOW WE'RE ALL SCREWED!" * Why did Katara feel the need to simply STATE that her brother and Yue became fast friends? Possibly the most egregious example of "SHOW US, DON'T TELL US!" I can think of, but pretty much the whole movie was like that. * And why did Katara feel the need to interrupt Aang's SUPER-IMPORTANT meditation to tell him that she "always knew he was real" and "always knew he'd come back"? ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE AVATAR OR HIS POWERS UNTIL HER GRANDMOTHER TOLD HER ABOUT IT AFTER THEY MET AANG. * Why the hell was Sokka SO FUCKING SERIOUS?! Not a single joke! Hardly a smile cracked! Sokka, the meat and sarcasm guy that'sprettymuchmyentireidentityDIDWEFORGETTHATPART???!!! * And how about Aang! What happened to that "incorrigible prankster"?
All the love and joy and empathy has been utterly stripped from this movie, and it is abominable.)
Please, for the love of good stories, someone needs to remake this movie.