Four months that feel like four years.
Last night was the third Thursday in a row that Andrew and I ended up across from each other at a table, sharing a bottle of 2010 merlot and chatting about everything from friend gossip to Bitcoins to speculating over future technologies and laughing over country music lyrics.
"I'm gonna sit right here on the edge of this pier, watch the sunset disappear, and drink a beer."
I spent all day building up things I wanted to talk to him about, and even added a few, while we split plates of spinach ravioli and baked spaghetti and meatballs at Parham Rd's Bella Luna near his work.
Told him about some of the silly crushes and dates I had in middle school and high school. It's nice being able to share that part of my life with ease without having to touch on my twenties.
He always looks so entertained when I ramble on, just the way my Dad used to look at my Mom. And so often, something I'll say off the cuff will elicit a big grin followed by an "I love you" from him.
Such as when we were sitting on the two recliners in my living room after dinner last night and we got into the conversation of hobbies. I reiterated how cool I think it'd be to take a cheap thrift or antique store oil painting - something normally reserved for doctor office waiting rooms from the nineties - and add in some nerdy element - an AT-ST or TARDIS, perhaps. Then I laughed and said, "Prepare yourself, Andrew. This is what your future weekends will be - you writing your great romance novel whilst I sit around and paint nerdy things onto bad paintings."
He looks me straight in the eye, deadpan but happy expression and says with all the truth and meaning he can muster - "I. love. you." As if he wants nothing more than the future I just painted for us.
We then spent the next two hours watching back-to-back episodes of Game of Thrones, rewinding at times to gape over particularly brutal deaths together, rewinding to grin in utter fan love over something Tyrion had said, and of course steadily drinking delicious beer the entire time. At the end of the second episode he nearly pouted trying to convince me we should go ahead and watch a third, but since it was already well after midnight, I firmly played the spoilsport card and got us in bed for kisses and cuddles - which still kept us awake til after 1 a.m. and is definitely making me feel a bit exhausted today. Worth it though. :)
It's rare for us to NOT spend at least 15 minutes before sleep just holding each other and grinning repeatedly over how happy we are together. The honeymoon period is most definitely still burning strong.
Another simple but wonderful moment as we lay there, I kept tilting my head up to look in his eyes and smile and he returned mine with huge grins 'til he finally said, "Do you see this big huge stupid grin?" I nodded happily. "I love your big grins, especially the stupid ones."
Or there was also the moment when he got to my apartment after we split up for about an hour after dinner for me to make a beer run and for him to go and feed his cat before coming to spend the night. We'd barely been apart that long, but the moment he gets in the front door, he's grabbed me up in his arms, kissing me, kissing my neck, my ear, squeezing me tight. I laughed at him and said, "Wow, I love spending an hour apart from you if this is what I'm rewarded with."
It's just such a breath of fresh air to be so simply happy. Effortlessly happy.
Obviously my body's still dealing with the change, because I spent about an hour last night trapped in a dream where an acquaintance informed me my ex had gone ahead and proposed to his girlfriend. I remember scoffing a lot since I knew he'd been repeatedly cheating on her and what a joke it all was, but the anger was still in the dream all the same. In fact I woke myself up eventually because I literally punched the air at the same time I was trying to punch someone in my dream... I don't think it was my ex.. can't remember who it was, and THANKFULLY I was faced away from Andrew when my left arm shot out. I do remember it feeling frustrating since I wasn't actually able to connect with the person's face in my dream. Slid just off to the side because my brain couldn't come up with a realistic enough simulation of connecting with a person's head since I've never actually punched anyone in real life. But yeah, surprising to be so angry. Pretty sure it just reflects the general feeling I have about the past ten years of my life - perpetually wishing I could take some of those years back and still so angry at myself for subconsciously agreeing to be emotionally abused for so long.
But those days can't be changed - and I know there's an argument to be made that had I not experienced that, I might not appreciate Andrew as much as I do, and worse, I might've met someone else, the wrong person, in the meantime. Or maybe all of this was meant to be and I just had to make the journey no matter what. - Thank god Andrew was at the end of my road. :)
"I'm gonna sit right here on the edge of this pier, watch the sunset disappear, and drink a beer."
I spent all day building up things I wanted to talk to him about, and even added a few, while we split plates of spinach ravioli and baked spaghetti and meatballs at Parham Rd's Bella Luna near his work.
Told him about some of the silly crushes and dates I had in middle school and high school. It's nice being able to share that part of my life with ease without having to touch on my twenties.
He always looks so entertained when I ramble on, just the way my Dad used to look at my Mom. And so often, something I'll say off the cuff will elicit a big grin followed by an "I love you" from him.
Such as when we were sitting on the two recliners in my living room after dinner last night and we got into the conversation of hobbies. I reiterated how cool I think it'd be to take a cheap thrift or antique store oil painting - something normally reserved for doctor office waiting rooms from the nineties - and add in some nerdy element - an AT-ST or TARDIS, perhaps. Then I laughed and said, "Prepare yourself, Andrew. This is what your future weekends will be - you writing your great romance novel whilst I sit around and paint nerdy things onto bad paintings."
He looks me straight in the eye, deadpan but happy expression and says with all the truth and meaning he can muster - "I. love. you." As if he wants nothing more than the future I just painted for us.
We then spent the next two hours watching back-to-back episodes of Game of Thrones, rewinding at times to gape over particularly brutal deaths together, rewinding to grin in utter fan love over something Tyrion had said, and of course steadily drinking delicious beer the entire time. At the end of the second episode he nearly pouted trying to convince me we should go ahead and watch a third, but since it was already well after midnight, I firmly played the spoilsport card and got us in bed for kisses and cuddles - which still kept us awake til after 1 a.m. and is definitely making me feel a bit exhausted today. Worth it though. :)
It's rare for us to NOT spend at least 15 minutes before sleep just holding each other and grinning repeatedly over how happy we are together. The honeymoon period is most definitely still burning strong.
Another simple but wonderful moment as we lay there, I kept tilting my head up to look in his eyes and smile and he returned mine with huge grins 'til he finally said, "Do you see this big huge stupid grin?" I nodded happily. "I love your big grins, especially the stupid ones."
Or there was also the moment when he got to my apartment after we split up for about an hour after dinner for me to make a beer run and for him to go and feed his cat before coming to spend the night. We'd barely been apart that long, but the moment he gets in the front door, he's grabbed me up in his arms, kissing me, kissing my neck, my ear, squeezing me tight. I laughed at him and said, "Wow, I love spending an hour apart from you if this is what I'm rewarded with."
It's just such a breath of fresh air to be so simply happy. Effortlessly happy.
Obviously my body's still dealing with the change, because I spent about an hour last night trapped in a dream where an acquaintance informed me my ex had gone ahead and proposed to his girlfriend. I remember scoffing a lot since I knew he'd been repeatedly cheating on her and what a joke it all was, but the anger was still in the dream all the same. In fact I woke myself up eventually because I literally punched the air at the same time I was trying to punch someone in my dream... I don't think it was my ex.. can't remember who it was, and THANKFULLY I was faced away from Andrew when my left arm shot out. I do remember it feeling frustrating since I wasn't actually able to connect with the person's face in my dream. Slid just off to the side because my brain couldn't come up with a realistic enough simulation of connecting with a person's head since I've never actually punched anyone in real life. But yeah, surprising to be so angry. Pretty sure it just reflects the general feeling I have about the past ten years of my life - perpetually wishing I could take some of those years back and still so angry at myself for subconsciously agreeing to be emotionally abused for so long.
But those days can't be changed - and I know there's an argument to be made that had I not experienced that, I might not appreciate Andrew as much as I do, and worse, I might've met someone else, the wrong person, in the meantime. Or maybe all of this was meant to be and I just had to make the journey no matter what. - Thank god Andrew was at the end of my road. :)