December
I hate December. I hate Christmas. I hate Winter. I hate the cold! Apparently my Grandmother refuses to do Christmas this year because of my Great Grandmother (Her Mother) passing away. Mom & I are upset & sick of the excuses. Each year its always something why we can't get into the Holiday spirit. I mean I hate Christmas & don't really care either way but it would be nice to do SOMETHING this year.. I just got my Mom & Dad back in my life a few months ago. I'll buy them a present & my Grandmother something too though. I gotta buy Jefferson something to since he said he was getting me a gift. Ugh. I hate Christmas present shopping. I lack ideas. I can't do this :( We have a secret santa thing at work too & I have to get something for the person's name I drew. She was born 1975 & really likes The New Kids On The Block. That's all I know about her so this will suck getting her a present, Blah!
I hung out with Jefferson Wednesday.We had some wicked kinky hot sex & he left bruises on my tit from smacking it so hard over and over again <3 I adore him! He went back to Portland to stay with his family but will be back the 13th to get his tattoo colored in so I will get to see him then :) I miss him a lot & wish he would spend more time in Bangor. I told him he could stay here but he gets bored being in Bangor in general. Everyone works & he always wakes up early because he's used to it. I wish I could get some time off from work so I could spend a few days in a row with him but I need the money so I cant :(
Work is going good. A few weeks in a row they called me off once or twice a week so I was only working 3-4 days a week so my paychecks were shitty. 1 girl quit & another is on vacation so we have been busy lately & working longer shifts so that is good! I have Wednesday & Thursday off this week so I just need to survive through tomorrow! I can't wait to sleep in both of my days off I miss it so much!
I had to take Cloverfield to the vets a week ago. Mom paid for it thank god because I have been really poor lately it's sad :( She got put on different meds then she had the last time. I gotta get her to gain a lot of weight they said if she doesn't then it wont look good. I bought a lot of baby & toddler foods & try to get her to eat hourly when I am home. She hasn't refused anything I've offered her yet so this is good! I had to treat all 34 rats for lice/mites/fleas the day after Thanksgiving. They were infested bad. I have to repeat it again the end of this month which will be a month later. It was $105.. so I need to save money for that. Blah. I think it is working though. They seem to be gone.. it's just the scabs healing now.. sometimes they pick at them and open them up so I wonder if they are getting better or worse.. Mom bought me some shampoo at the Natural Living Center that is for the relief of fleas/ticks/lice/mites. I haven't bathed any of the rats in it yet. It would be a hard task.. Rats don't like baths!
The critters cost a lot of money. I don't care because I love them but on weeks/months I don't get many hours at work I stress out a lot over trying to afford everything. I guess I am crazy because tomorrow I am taking in 3 brother rats. I saw an add on craigslist about them & couldn't resist. I am hoping the cage they come in is huge. I would like to get Hampden, Foster, Sterling, Spastic, & Hansen all together in a new cage with the 3 new boys. The less cages of rats I have then the more shavings I save. I should in theory save on food too since everyone would be eating out of the same dishes and there would be less cages. I expect Wally to pass away sometime soon. Tipper did about a month or so ago. Wally is in the same shape Tipper was in. Wally still isn't friendly but lately comes up to the levels while I'm cleaning them & just sits there so I pick her up to put in the play room with her other cage mates. She still lunges at me to bite from time to time though. I feel terrible saying this but it would be easier without her around :( She makes me nervous. I don't want to get bit by her again. Plus I know she doesn't breathe well and would probably be better off once she passes. She could live forever though lol darn rats are so hard to read when it comes to health issues.
I did an out call for Fred the old guy Friday and another one probably 2 weeks or so before this. So I made $400 from him in a matter of a few weeks! Not bad! He is really annoying though. He always expects me to devote a whole day off of mine to him & it's like fuck that I want to hang with my friends or just relax with my pets. I don't want to see him every week. I'm not being mean but there is only so much you have in common with someone who is almost 70 years old. Yet he does take me to dinner and buy me coffees and when his wife is away I dance for the $200 an hour so this whole situation is what it is. I don't mind dancing for him but he has wicked terrible breath and it fucking grosses me out whenever he opens his mouth. Eww! Blah. Plus he seems to think just because I don't respond sexually that he can touch me a little more then usual because "I don't get turned on" He doesn't get it that just because I don't orgasm during sex doesn't mean I don't get turned on. I'm not turned on when I dance for him because he is an old man with fucking stinky breath and I'm just doing it for the money and forcing a smile on my face!! He doesn't violate me though so I can't really complain its just annoying. His horrid breath is really starting to become an issue it really makes me want nothing to do with him lol.
Sarah & I have an out call this Sunday with some friend of Erik's. Erik is the guy I dated briefly while I was working at Diva's. Erik doesn't think he can afford to go to the show though. It's $150 a piece for both us girls plus tips. We asked for $200 an hour but they asked if it could be $150 and we will only get down to a thong not naked so I guess that is fair after all. I'm nervous and hope it works out! I don't want them to think I'm ugly and fat or that I suck. Fred knows me & likes me for me. Hell he didnt even have me wear makeup the last out call I did for him so I can't really trust his opinions of me because we are friends. It will be interesting to see what this new guy thinks of my strip show. Sarah has a better body then me & they will probably like her better but all I can do is be myself & try my best!
I really love free basing 30's. It's fucking awesome. I don't snort anything except coke. Smoking the 30's has made it so I don't care for any other pills nor would I bother to snort pills again. So in a way it really helped me! I used to put a lot of shit up my nose. But I haven't since the coke I did with Matthew..
Speaking of Matthew.. I spend way too much time thinking about how he fucked me over and all the lies and his bullshit excuses. I hate him so much but I miss him so much. I wish things could of ended on better terms. I can't believe he blocked me on facebook. I wonder what I even did that pissed him off so much?! All I ever did was care. :( Sometimes I want to text him or send him a message on facebook from someone elses account but I don't... I guess it is what it is. But I hope he thinks of me & he feels bad. I hope he realizes he fucked up a good thing. I didn't deserve to be caught in this web of lies. I was good to him..
No word from Jeff since the day I found out he stole my stuff. Well I heard from him Thanksgiving but not since then. I don't know if he is in jail or what. I kinda miss him.. but I think in reality I just miss that he could get me 30's cheaper then Sarah can! haha that is terrible of me to say but whatever. I'm honest. I do miss Jeff though.. but I am hurt that he stole my stuff. I want my jewelry back & my cd collection. It really bothers me he took my stuff. It was selfish of him to do that to me. Yet he has stolen from his own family & best of friends before so it wasn't a shock. I guess I just hoped I was special enough that he wouldn't do that to me :( Guess I was wrong. I hope he is ok though and being a good father to his new baby. I do feel bad for Haley because Jeff isn't there for his other kids so he wont be there for this one either I am sure. I just hope things work out for the best for everyone. I should be so bitter and pissed that Jeff robbed me. I should never want to give him the time of day again.. yet if he was to call & needed a place to stay then I'd let him stay here again. I'm weak..
That is all for now.. I think I covered the basics!
I hung out with Jefferson Wednesday.We had some wicked kinky hot sex & he left bruises on my tit from smacking it so hard over and over again <3 I adore him! He went back to Portland to stay with his family but will be back the 13th to get his tattoo colored in so I will get to see him then :) I miss him a lot & wish he would spend more time in Bangor. I told him he could stay here but he gets bored being in Bangor in general. Everyone works & he always wakes up early because he's used to it. I wish I could get some time off from work so I could spend a few days in a row with him but I need the money so I cant :(
Work is going good. A few weeks in a row they called me off once or twice a week so I was only working 3-4 days a week so my paychecks were shitty. 1 girl quit & another is on vacation so we have been busy lately & working longer shifts so that is good! I have Wednesday & Thursday off this week so I just need to survive through tomorrow! I can't wait to sleep in both of my days off I miss it so much!
I had to take Cloverfield to the vets a week ago. Mom paid for it thank god because I have been really poor lately it's sad :( She got put on different meds then she had the last time. I gotta get her to gain a lot of weight they said if she doesn't then it wont look good. I bought a lot of baby & toddler foods & try to get her to eat hourly when I am home. She hasn't refused anything I've offered her yet so this is good! I had to treat all 34 rats for lice/mites/fleas the day after Thanksgiving. They were infested bad. I have to repeat it again the end of this month which will be a month later. It was $105.. so I need to save money for that. Blah. I think it is working though. They seem to be gone.. it's just the scabs healing now.. sometimes they pick at them and open them up so I wonder if they are getting better or worse.. Mom bought me some shampoo at the Natural Living Center that is for the relief of fleas/ticks/lice/mites. I haven't bathed any of the rats in it yet. It would be a hard task.. Rats don't like baths!
The critters cost a lot of money. I don't care because I love them but on weeks/months I don't get many hours at work I stress out a lot over trying to afford everything. I guess I am crazy because tomorrow I am taking in 3 brother rats. I saw an add on craigslist about them & couldn't resist. I am hoping the cage they come in is huge. I would like to get Hampden, Foster, Sterling, Spastic, & Hansen all together in a new cage with the 3 new boys. The less cages of rats I have then the more shavings I save. I should in theory save on food too since everyone would be eating out of the same dishes and there would be less cages. I expect Wally to pass away sometime soon. Tipper did about a month or so ago. Wally is in the same shape Tipper was in. Wally still isn't friendly but lately comes up to the levels while I'm cleaning them & just sits there so I pick her up to put in the play room with her other cage mates. She still lunges at me to bite from time to time though. I feel terrible saying this but it would be easier without her around :( She makes me nervous. I don't want to get bit by her again. Plus I know she doesn't breathe well and would probably be better off once she passes. She could live forever though lol darn rats are so hard to read when it comes to health issues.
I did an out call for Fred the old guy Friday and another one probably 2 weeks or so before this. So I made $400 from him in a matter of a few weeks! Not bad! He is really annoying though. He always expects me to devote a whole day off of mine to him & it's like fuck that I want to hang with my friends or just relax with my pets. I don't want to see him every week. I'm not being mean but there is only so much you have in common with someone who is almost 70 years old. Yet he does take me to dinner and buy me coffees and when his wife is away I dance for the $200 an hour so this whole situation is what it is. I don't mind dancing for him but he has wicked terrible breath and it fucking grosses me out whenever he opens his mouth. Eww! Blah. Plus he seems to think just because I don't respond sexually that he can touch me a little more then usual because "I don't get turned on" He doesn't get it that just because I don't orgasm during sex doesn't mean I don't get turned on. I'm not turned on when I dance for him because he is an old man with fucking stinky breath and I'm just doing it for the money and forcing a smile on my face!! He doesn't violate me though so I can't really complain its just annoying. His horrid breath is really starting to become an issue it really makes me want nothing to do with him lol.
Sarah & I have an out call this Sunday with some friend of Erik's. Erik is the guy I dated briefly while I was working at Diva's. Erik doesn't think he can afford to go to the show though. It's $150 a piece for both us girls plus tips. We asked for $200 an hour but they asked if it could be $150 and we will only get down to a thong not naked so I guess that is fair after all. I'm nervous and hope it works out! I don't want them to think I'm ugly and fat or that I suck. Fred knows me & likes me for me. Hell he didnt even have me wear makeup the last out call I did for him so I can't really trust his opinions of me because we are friends. It will be interesting to see what this new guy thinks of my strip show. Sarah has a better body then me & they will probably like her better but all I can do is be myself & try my best!
I really love free basing 30's. It's fucking awesome. I don't snort anything except coke. Smoking the 30's has made it so I don't care for any other pills nor would I bother to snort pills again. So in a way it really helped me! I used to put a lot of shit up my nose. But I haven't since the coke I did with Matthew..
Speaking of Matthew.. I spend way too much time thinking about how he fucked me over and all the lies and his bullshit excuses. I hate him so much but I miss him so much. I wish things could of ended on better terms. I can't believe he blocked me on facebook. I wonder what I even did that pissed him off so much?! All I ever did was care. :( Sometimes I want to text him or send him a message on facebook from someone elses account but I don't... I guess it is what it is. But I hope he thinks of me & he feels bad. I hope he realizes he fucked up a good thing. I didn't deserve to be caught in this web of lies. I was good to him..
No word from Jeff since the day I found out he stole my stuff. Well I heard from him Thanksgiving but not since then. I don't know if he is in jail or what. I kinda miss him.. but I think in reality I just miss that he could get me 30's cheaper then Sarah can! haha that is terrible of me to say but whatever. I'm honest. I do miss Jeff though.. but I am hurt that he stole my stuff. I want my jewelry back & my cd collection. It really bothers me he took my stuff. It was selfish of him to do that to me. Yet he has stolen from his own family & best of friends before so it wasn't a shock. I guess I just hoped I was special enough that he wouldn't do that to me :( Guess I was wrong. I hope he is ok though and being a good father to his new baby. I do feel bad for Haley because Jeff isn't there for his other kids so he wont be there for this one either I am sure. I just hope things work out for the best for everyone. I should be so bitter and pissed that Jeff robbed me. I should never want to give him the time of day again.. yet if he was to call & needed a place to stay then I'd let him stay here again. I'm weak..
That is all for now.. I think I covered the basics!