Thanksgiving
So, tonight I am thinking about B's birthday. Mom was here that November too. She was in the delivery room and stayed until Christmas, when all the grandparents came out to celebrate the little guy's first Christmas. Of course, the actual delivery room ended up being a scary place. When there was no baby's cry after he was born and they had to resuscitate him (on a little table across the room that I couldn't see because my glasses weren't on my face), that was the scariest moment of my life. Sure, I nearly passed out in the vestibule of the church on my wedding day (guess I should have listened to my "nerves" and made a hasty exit, huh? Nah, if I'd done that, I wouldn't have B. And he is the best thing that's ever happened to me, even when he's driving me NUTS!) But him not breathing and being gray... I never want to experience anything like that again.
How scary was hearing "you have cancer"? VERY. My mind immediately went to "B's been through so much. Now this?" I got scared. And after I cried and railed and raved and cried some more, I decided that this disease wasn't going to take me from him, or deprive me of seeing him grow up. And now Mom's here again, chemo's half over and "the worst" is behind me. People say my color is good. I'm hungry, and after a week and a half, the worst of the side effects finally subsided, and I get to have a week off from chemo! Sure, I could probably give Rumpelstiltskin a run for his money in the needing to sleep department, the anemia's still hanging around, but I get to celebrate my son's birthday and Thanksgiving without my digestive tract rebelling the whole time.
I've got so much to be thankful for this year, and although I don't think I'd say them aloud on Thanksgiving because I don't want to cry into the mashed potatoes, I will mention some of them here. First is God's hand in all this. He's been working throughout this whole ordeal, and without His hand in this, I don't think I'd be where I am now. Of course, my mother and B. They're on the front lines of this battle with me (and it's a hell of a fight), witnessing all the highs and lows. But if it weren't for them, I couldn't have done anything I've managed to do so far, or what is left to be done. I've also got all my family and friends (and even strangers who have been praying for me because someone I know asked them to) to be grateful for. There's also the wonderful doctors and medical staff, the medications and treatments that have been developed and all the hands involved in what goes on with regard to those. I could go on and on, but suffice to say, I am thankful I am here and still fighting and for all the support I've received from all corners (including those I thought were just filled with dust bunnies, if that makes sense to anyone besides me).
I've got to mention my oncologist, Dr. Agnihotri at the AV Cancer Center. He is one of the nicest doctors I've ever met. His easy manner and soft tone of voice let me know that at least one of us is in control, seeing as how cancer takes over so readily. He exudes confidence, which gives me courage. Of course, it isn't lost on me that he had some of that East Coast "let's get this done" attitude when we met, at a time when I felt like nearly everything else was moving too slow. Having someone who understood how NY born and raised folks are about waiting around when things need to be done was a relief. I am very thankful that, for whatever reason, he decided to move out here, because he wanted to get things moving.
So, now that I've rambled and roamed from where I started, let me say 3 things:
1) Happy Birthday, B!!
2) I love you, Mom! Thanks for EVERYTHING!!!!!
3) Thank you all, and Happy Thanksgiving!