I haven't updated for a really long time
I feel like my life is falling apart, or at least I'm breaking down.
This week needs to be over.
I'm registering tomorrow and don't know what I want to take as my third class.
I don't even know what I want to do with my life.
My aunt Kathryn is dying. Probably within the next week. If she dies this week I have to make a decision: go to the Stanford invite as planned and miss her memorial service or go to the memorial service and miss something I've been excited about for months and have paid 300 dollars for. I think I've already made my decision, either way it won't be enjoyable. I don't think anyone would understand if I went to Stanford. My cousins probably wouldn't ever forgive me, especially since me playing ultimate is a joke in my family.
My german grandpa also may be dying. He's sick and losing his memory.
My great-uncle John also just got diagnosed with esphagual cancer. I can't spell that at all, but it probably won't end well.
All I want to do is for this week to end. For me to go to Stanford. For Kathryn to live. For me not to take my chem midterm. I can't handle all of this right now, but I'll make it through.
I just want to be home.
All I think about is Kathryn(and John, and Opa), School(chem), Ultimate(being excited about Stanford but being scared I'm going to have to make a decision this week), and boys(yes, I'm shallow). And then I feel guilty about thinking about ultimate and the shallowness.
Can't I just sleep for 24 hours?
Can't she just live?
Can't he initiate?
I can handle all this. I just don't want to right now. I don't think I want to ever. But I will.
Why all at once?
I really want to go to church tomorrow.
This week needs to be over.
I'm registering tomorrow and don't know what I want to take as my third class.
I don't even know what I want to do with my life.
My aunt Kathryn is dying. Probably within the next week. If she dies this week I have to make a decision: go to the Stanford invite as planned and miss her memorial service or go to the memorial service and miss something I've been excited about for months and have paid 300 dollars for. I think I've already made my decision, either way it won't be enjoyable. I don't think anyone would understand if I went to Stanford. My cousins probably wouldn't ever forgive me, especially since me playing ultimate is a joke in my family.
My german grandpa also may be dying. He's sick and losing his memory.
My great-uncle John also just got diagnosed with esphagual cancer. I can't spell that at all, but it probably won't end well.
All I want to do is for this week to end. For me to go to Stanford. For Kathryn to live. For me not to take my chem midterm. I can't handle all of this right now, but I'll make it through.
I just want to be home.
All I think about is Kathryn(and John, and Opa), School(chem), Ultimate(being excited about Stanford but being scared I'm going to have to make a decision this week), and boys(yes, I'm shallow). And then I feel guilty about thinking about ultimate and the shallowness.
Can't I just sleep for 24 hours?
Can't she just live?
Can't he initiate?
I can handle all this. I just don't want to right now. I don't think I want to ever. But I will.
Why all at once?
I really want to go to church tomorrow.