[FIC] Raison d'être - Chapter 6 (FINAL CHAPTER) pt. 4
Here's part 4. It is still UNEDITED, so there will be misspellings, none-elaborated descriptions and somewhat messy dialogues. The only reason I'm posting it is because I was afraid the next part would be long (yes chapter 6 is very long). I hope to be posting the next part soon, so for now here's a little treat for you guys. Comments are loved and greatly appreciated ^^
“Do you still love Yunho-sshi Jae-hyung, despite what he did to you?”
“And you Changmin-ah,” I asked quietly as I stared into his eyes, “would you come to hate and be disgusted by me if I said yes?”
He looked back at me for a long time and I became fidgety under his strong gaze. Finally Min sighed and stepped over to the bed, where he hesitantly sat down beside me. Unshed tears burnt at the back of my eyes as I noted my friend’s hesitation and I honestly wanted to believe that it wasn’t because of me. I inhaled shakily before I grasped Changmin’s hand with uncertainty. When he turned and gave an unsure, but not disgusted smile to me, I truly wanted to cry in relief.
My dongsaeng in turn squeezed my fingers and said softly, “I could never hate hyung, no matter what.”
A small tear of happiness rolled down my cheek and I smiled back at Changmin. He too smiled again before continuing.
“I-I don’t know if I entirely understand your feelings towards Yunho-sshi, hyung,” he started hesitantly, as if to pick the right wording, “and I can’t say that I’m completely okay with them. I know that there will be severe consequences to face if your mother ever finds out what your true relationship with him was and I can’t say I’m willing to see you go through that kind of pain for that man.” Min’s facial expression flickered from pained to hesitant to sure. He took a deep breath and finished, “But I can say that if you truly loved him in that sense and that you really wanted to be with him at that time, then I won’t be the one to judge your feelings”.
One small, almost quiet sob passed my lips as I hugged my best friend tightly to me. I loved this boy so much that I don’t think I couldn’t have lived with myself if he had been against my forbidden love for Yunho. I had already lost too much to lose this friendship. I shivered at the thought of never seeing Changmin again because of this and I knew that I wouldn’t have been able to live without his love and support.
Finally we disentangled ourselves and laid back on my mother’s bed in a peaceful silence. Changmin held my hand and I suddenly felt at complete peace with myself. I hadn’t felt this calm in a long time and it felt good. It was like nothing in the world mattered anymore and I could finally rest from the hellish tempo that had been my life lately. Maybe it was Min-ah that caused this…
“I really want to leave this place Minnie…”
I don’t know why I voiced that thought out loud so abruptly but I felt in my heart that it was true. I just knew that I couldn’t stay here anymore. There were too many bad memories in this house that had been my childhood home and I don’t think I could withstand them much longer.
My dongsaeng looked at me confusingly and I explained. About the memories of my father that lingered in this house and the newer, more painful ones of Yunho. I also mentioned that no matter how much I loved her, I didn’t think I could face Eomma for much longer before I would breakdown and tell her the truth, which would ultimately hurt her more. I closed my eyes at the end and thought almost desperately I don’t know what to do anymore…
Changmin remained quiet as I finished talking and he seemed to be pondering something. A moment passed and he suddenly looked up at me with hope and excitement in his eyes. I tilted my head slightly sideways, wondering what my dongsaeng could be thinking. He bounced a little happily on his knees before taking my hand and saying, “Hyung, you could come to school with me!”
My blank face must have betrayed my confusion because Min quickly continued, “You must have got the email I sent a few days ago, right hyung?”
It took a few seconds for my mind to remember the email in question. It seemed like it had been so long ago since I received it though it had in fact been only a week. I felt a little guilty for forgetting Changmin’s email so easily, but in the chaos I’ve been through I guess it was normal.
Back to the problem at hand, I looked at Min and said unsurely, “But how Minnie? I’m not even sure I could pass the exam?” I paused for a second and continued, “And what about lodging?”
- “I could always ask my parents if they would let you come stay with us for the school season,” he explained eagerly, obviously pleased with his idea. “And at the worst, if they refuse which I don’t think they will, there are dorms on campus for out-of-town students.”
The more I thought about it, the more the idea was pleasing. I would able to start a new life somewhere completely different that bore no memories for me. I would be by my best friend daily and I could maybe finally learn to be happy again. The only downside was that I would miss my mother terribly. But this was partly for her best interest…
Pulling myself from my thoughts, I sighed and glanced back at Changmin. “I don’t know Min… It’s a good idea but I needed to talk to Eomma. And you need to ask your parents… But I wouldn’t want to intrude on them and what if I don’t pass the exam and…”
Min playfully clamped a hand over my mouth to keep me from rambling on any longer and I had to laugh at my friend’s silliness. It felt so good to laugh genially again and Changmin couldn’t seem to help but laugh along with me. We giggled together for a while before my dongsaeng sighed happily and said, “Don’t worry about it right now hyung. Think about it overnight and if you want, we can talk to our parents tomorrow.”
I nodded at his wise advice and after telling me that Eomma had allowed us to stay in her room that night, we tucked ourselves beneath the comforter and said our goodnights before falling asleep. My last thought was of how happy Changmin had made me by coming here from Seoul and I knew that everything was going to be okay from now on, despite what might happen in the future. Because I was resolved to make my life better for myself and my family.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
Amazingly, I slept through the night without a single nightmare or dream related to Yunho. I knew the peacefulness of my sleep would only last as long as Changmin stayed here with me, so I would be content and take advantage of it for now.
I stretched on my mother’s bed and glanced over to Min, who was still fast asleep. I didn’t have the heart to wake him, especially after his long train ride from Seoul. So I carefully crept off the bed and tiptoed to the door before stepping out of the room quietly.
It was silent throughout the house and I figured that Eomma wasn’t up yet or had already left for work. I headed to the kitchen to get some water when I passed by the living room. I saw a shadow in my peripheral vision and turned quickly to see what it was. I sighed in relief when I realized it was just Eomma sitting on the couch drinking a mug of tea.
Still jittery, I padded over to calmly sit beside my mother. She seemed lost in thought because she didn’t immediately notice my presence, so I reached over and lightly placed my hand on her arm.
- “Eomma?”
She turned her head, smiling softly at me and said, “Hey baby. How did you sleep?”
Maybe she was aware of my presence this whole time.
I smiled back at her and assured her that I slept well. She nodded before mentioning my bandage needing changing. I had completely forgotten about that so I went ahead and asked Eomma to do it for me. She agreed and a few minutes I found myself sitting on the bathroom sink as my mother carefully wrapped a clean cloth bandage around my head.
To be continued..
DEADLINE IS STILL JULY 25TH BTW, So we're almost done! T-T
“Do you still love Yunho-sshi Jae-hyung, despite what he did to you?”
“And you Changmin-ah,” I asked quietly as I stared into his eyes, “would you come to hate and be disgusted by me if I said yes?”
He looked back at me for a long time and I became fidgety under his strong gaze. Finally Min sighed and stepped over to the bed, where he hesitantly sat down beside me. Unshed tears burnt at the back of my eyes as I noted my friend’s hesitation and I honestly wanted to believe that it wasn’t because of me. I inhaled shakily before I grasped Changmin’s hand with uncertainty. When he turned and gave an unsure, but not disgusted smile to me, I truly wanted to cry in relief.
My dongsaeng in turn squeezed my fingers and said softly, “I could never hate hyung, no matter what.”
A small tear of happiness rolled down my cheek and I smiled back at Changmin. He too smiled again before continuing.
“I-I don’t know if I entirely understand your feelings towards Yunho-sshi, hyung,” he started hesitantly, as if to pick the right wording, “and I can’t say that I’m completely okay with them. I know that there will be severe consequences to face if your mother ever finds out what your true relationship with him was and I can’t say I’m willing to see you go through that kind of pain for that man.” Min’s facial expression flickered from pained to hesitant to sure. He took a deep breath and finished, “But I can say that if you truly loved him in that sense and that you really wanted to be with him at that time, then I won’t be the one to judge your feelings”.
One small, almost quiet sob passed my lips as I hugged my best friend tightly to me. I loved this boy so much that I don’t think I couldn’t have lived with myself if he had been against my forbidden love for Yunho. I had already lost too much to lose this friendship. I shivered at the thought of never seeing Changmin again because of this and I knew that I wouldn’t have been able to live without his love and support.
Finally we disentangled ourselves and laid back on my mother’s bed in a peaceful silence. Changmin held my hand and I suddenly felt at complete peace with myself. I hadn’t felt this calm in a long time and it felt good. It was like nothing in the world mattered anymore and I could finally rest from the hellish tempo that had been my life lately. Maybe it was Min-ah that caused this…
“I really want to leave this place Minnie…”
I don’t know why I voiced that thought out loud so abruptly but I felt in my heart that it was true. I just knew that I couldn’t stay here anymore. There were too many bad memories in this house that had been my childhood home and I don’t think I could withstand them much longer.
My dongsaeng looked at me confusingly and I explained. About the memories of my father that lingered in this house and the newer, more painful ones of Yunho. I also mentioned that no matter how much I loved her, I didn’t think I could face Eomma for much longer before I would breakdown and tell her the truth, which would ultimately hurt her more. I closed my eyes at the end and thought almost desperately I don’t know what to do anymore…
Changmin remained quiet as I finished talking and he seemed to be pondering something. A moment passed and he suddenly looked up at me with hope and excitement in his eyes. I tilted my head slightly sideways, wondering what my dongsaeng could be thinking. He bounced a little happily on his knees before taking my hand and saying, “Hyung, you could come to school with me!”
My blank face must have betrayed my confusion because Min quickly continued, “You must have got the email I sent a few days ago, right hyung?”
It took a few seconds for my mind to remember the email in question. It seemed like it had been so long ago since I received it though it had in fact been only a week. I felt a little guilty for forgetting Changmin’s email so easily, but in the chaos I’ve been through I guess it was normal.
Back to the problem at hand, I looked at Min and said unsurely, “But how Minnie? I’m not even sure I could pass the exam?” I paused for a second and continued, “And what about lodging?”
- “I could always ask my parents if they would let you come stay with us for the school season,” he explained eagerly, obviously pleased with his idea. “And at the worst, if they refuse which I don’t think they will, there are dorms on campus for out-of-town students.”
The more I thought about it, the more the idea was pleasing. I would able to start a new life somewhere completely different that bore no memories for me. I would be by my best friend daily and I could maybe finally learn to be happy again. The only downside was that I would miss my mother terribly. But this was partly for her best interest…
Pulling myself from my thoughts, I sighed and glanced back at Changmin. “I don’t know Min… It’s a good idea but I needed to talk to Eomma. And you need to ask your parents… But I wouldn’t want to intrude on them and what if I don’t pass the exam and…”
Min playfully clamped a hand over my mouth to keep me from rambling on any longer and I had to laugh at my friend’s silliness. It felt so good to laugh genially again and Changmin couldn’t seem to help but laugh along with me. We giggled together for a while before my dongsaeng sighed happily and said, “Don’t worry about it right now hyung. Think about it overnight and if you want, we can talk to our parents tomorrow.”
I nodded at his wise advice and after telling me that Eomma had allowed us to stay in her room that night, we tucked ourselves beneath the comforter and said our goodnights before falling asleep. My last thought was of how happy Changmin had made me by coming here from Seoul and I knew that everything was going to be okay from now on, despite what might happen in the future. Because I was resolved to make my life better for myself and my family.
∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞
Amazingly, I slept through the night without a single nightmare or dream related to Yunho. I knew the peacefulness of my sleep would only last as long as Changmin stayed here with me, so I would be content and take advantage of it for now.
I stretched on my mother’s bed and glanced over to Min, who was still fast asleep. I didn’t have the heart to wake him, especially after his long train ride from Seoul. So I carefully crept off the bed and tiptoed to the door before stepping out of the room quietly.
It was silent throughout the house and I figured that Eomma wasn’t up yet or had already left for work. I headed to the kitchen to get some water when I passed by the living room. I saw a shadow in my peripheral vision and turned quickly to see what it was. I sighed in relief when I realized it was just Eomma sitting on the couch drinking a mug of tea.
Still jittery, I padded over to calmly sit beside my mother. She seemed lost in thought because she didn’t immediately notice my presence, so I reached over and lightly placed my hand on her arm.
- “Eomma?”
She turned her head, smiling softly at me and said, “Hey baby. How did you sleep?”
Maybe she was aware of my presence this whole time.
I smiled back at her and assured her that I slept well. She nodded before mentioning my bandage needing changing. I had completely forgotten about that so I went ahead and asked Eomma to do it for me. She agreed and a few minutes I found myself sitting on the bathroom sink as my mother carefully wrapped a clean cloth bandage around my head.
To be continued..
DEADLINE IS STILL JULY 25TH BTW, So we're almost done! T-T