Searching
I don't understand loneliness. Is it a bad feeling? I've always loved being alone. If the aforementioned definition is correct, then being alone without negative feelings cannot be defined as loneliness. I've searched for this mysterious thing all day. Is it something one feels while watching blue bean lights in the dark?
Watching this bean-lit place had me wondering what it would be like to get lost alone in outer space. Not just outside Earth. Being left outside the Solar System, outside the Milky Way Galaxy. No South or North. No human around but you. ...Beautiful? I guess so. But what would it feel like... to float there, given that you are immortal?
I wonder what I could possibly do when there is nothing but the stars (or the dark) for months and 365 days and years. You could swim in space. But there is no way you could ever reach your home planet, since you have no idea which direction Milky Way G. is. Even if you do know, who knows how many trillions of light-years away you are. Chances are that by the time you finish 1/99999 of your journey, you will become mentally ill and lose any sense of direction anyway.
You decide to sleep. You wake up and want to know if it's morning or not. You start to sweat, finding out that immersing yourself in watching the fiber of your clothes cannot distract you anymore. You also desperately cling onto the vague memories of what your close friends looked like. After some eternity, you’ll want to know what you looked like. You no longer recognize your own hands; they look like alien chunk of flesh to your eyes. And start to wonder if this body is part of yourself.
What should I do when I know I am immortal and there is no chance of ever seeing our planet again... Meditate? Ommmm in hope that my body will evaporate along with the seriously debilitated mind... OK, let's decide that you can die but only by electrocuting yourself. Then, imagine an electric chair floating on your way. That'd be my holiest Savior.
Imagine, after ages you found Osama bin Laden or Hitler or *insert the name of your choice* floating in your direction. Wouldn't you desperately swim in that direction, thanking the Universe for its mercy?
Wouldn't you two, now together, tell everything and anything...? But I'd rather not tell everything and anything in me because I do not want to run out of things to tell.
I personally feel anyone can become soul mates in such a place. There are no good matches and bad matches. No personality incongruence. No evil or good person -- There are just two humans.
Let's also suppose that you do know the direction to the Milky Way Galaxy. What would you do?
I don't have an answer to this yet... I can only imagine that I would swim in that direction, knowing (or not understanding) how far ahead it is. It's not out of insane determination. I just wouldn't know what else to do.
I guess what I typed darn long was desperation instead of that mysterious loneliness-thing. Maybe they are two sides on one coin. Maybe it wasn't even a nightmare; what it comes to is the realization that everybody living on this planet is my potential soul mate.
My head is still numb, like it has been trapped and lost in space for a long time.
Sigh. I need to wake up now. (-ｏ-)｡o○ Breathe...and count...1. 2. 3. CLAP! ヽ( ´ー)ノ
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