update
Well I seem to have fallen out of the habit of writing here, so I don't really know where to start. Even taking the Mad Hatter's advice of starting at the beginning and when I get to the end to stop.
I'm in a really weird place at the moment. In the last week I have bought a house, I've done most of the work to get two people plus dog's stuff moved into the new house, and I've had my third appointment at the clinic. The move and the results of the appointment are both things that are a bit difficult for me to wrap my head around at the moment. Thankfully I've had LOADS of help from my mum and stepdad about the house (they've spent the last week redecorating and installing a new cupboard over the stairs), and help to move from some friends.
The clinic appointment. Well i didn't really say anything about the second appointment 6 weeks ago, it got lost amongst other stuff. Funny thing is that I can't really even remember what that was. But it was basically seeing my therapist and talking about my family. Before I describe the most recent appointment I want to take an aside and compare what I've experienced with the reports I've read about others experiences with Charing Cross. You see, talking to people and reading stuff online reports mainly seem to centre about the experiences of those who attend that clinic.
It would seem that at charing cross you attend one appointment with one psych, and then months later you have a second appointment with a different psych and from there are generally referred on to start treatment. With the clinic I attend down here in devon you seem to get onto their books, get invited to an appointment with a therapist/pysch and see them every roughly 6 weeks for roughly 3 months. And then if they're satisfied they refer you on. Very different systems and I have to say that I think I prefer the one I'm part of. It's given me regular contact and a bit of support. Which given how abandoned by the system I have felt at times in the last year is exactly what I've needed because it's given the impression that something is happening on their side as well as mine.
So my third appointment. A few questions. Mopping up some health stuff. Asked me about genital surgery again. And asked me about whether I thought I was still likely to have mental health problems after transition (not phrased exactly like that though). And we discussed some of the problems I've encountered since I went full time and from there what I would like to achieve. We came to that I want to look more my age again, I want to sound more manish so that I'm not getting problems from customers and when dealing with people by phone in general, and I want chest surgery because I hate binding. My therapist towards the end of my time said that he was happy to refer me on, and in fact given how full the diary for the next step he'd already booked an appointment for me.
I wish I wasn't so much in the dark about each step. From what I can work out this next appointment is with someone who can prescribe me hormones. But I know from my research that hormones don't happen without blood tests. This is where I feel rather in the dark. I've been told that the appointment is about an hour and a half and will include another assessment. I wish I knew whether this was likely to be just another talking assessment or what. But I don't. A longer wait for this appointment as it's half way through october.
Hormones seem that much closer. And it's a little big scary. I'm not sure why. I think it's probably because it's something that I've thought about for ages now and it seems just that little bit closer. But I'm happy in my new gender role and hormones will help, so it's not doubt or not wanting them. I think it's apprehension about that much uncontrollable change. As far as I'm concerned hormones will induce my proper puberty, and that it's perfectly normal to be apprehensive about puberty.
I'm in a really weird place at the moment. In the last week I have bought a house, I've done most of the work to get two people plus dog's stuff moved into the new house, and I've had my third appointment at the clinic. The move and the results of the appointment are both things that are a bit difficult for me to wrap my head around at the moment. Thankfully I've had LOADS of help from my mum and stepdad about the house (they've spent the last week redecorating and installing a new cupboard over the stairs), and help to move from some friends.
The clinic appointment. Well i didn't really say anything about the second appointment 6 weeks ago, it got lost amongst other stuff. Funny thing is that I can't really even remember what that was. But it was basically seeing my therapist and talking about my family. Before I describe the most recent appointment I want to take an aside and compare what I've experienced with the reports I've read about others experiences with Charing Cross. You see, talking to people and reading stuff online reports mainly seem to centre about the experiences of those who attend that clinic.
It would seem that at charing cross you attend one appointment with one psych, and then months later you have a second appointment with a different psych and from there are generally referred on to start treatment. With the clinic I attend down here in devon you seem to get onto their books, get invited to an appointment with a therapist/pysch and see them every roughly 6 weeks for roughly 3 months. And then if they're satisfied they refer you on. Very different systems and I have to say that I think I prefer the one I'm part of. It's given me regular contact and a bit of support. Which given how abandoned by the system I have felt at times in the last year is exactly what I've needed because it's given the impression that something is happening on their side as well as mine.
So my third appointment. A few questions. Mopping up some health stuff. Asked me about genital surgery again. And asked me about whether I thought I was still likely to have mental health problems after transition (not phrased exactly like that though). And we discussed some of the problems I've encountered since I went full time and from there what I would like to achieve. We came to that I want to look more my age again, I want to sound more manish so that I'm not getting problems from customers and when dealing with people by phone in general, and I want chest surgery because I hate binding. My therapist towards the end of my time said that he was happy to refer me on, and in fact given how full the diary for the next step he'd already booked an appointment for me.
I wish I wasn't so much in the dark about each step. From what I can work out this next appointment is with someone who can prescribe me hormones. But I know from my research that hormones don't happen without blood tests. This is where I feel rather in the dark. I've been told that the appointment is about an hour and a half and will include another assessment. I wish I knew whether this was likely to be just another talking assessment or what. But I don't. A longer wait for this appointment as it's half way through october.
Hormones seem that much closer. And it's a little big scary. I'm not sure why. I think it's probably because it's something that I've thought about for ages now and it seems just that little bit closer. But I'm happy in my new gender role and hormones will help, so it's not doubt or not wanting them. I think it's apprehension about that much uncontrollable change. As far as I'm concerned hormones will induce my proper puberty, and that it's perfectly normal to be apprehensive about puberty.