The dum dum boys
Casual misogyny has come up a lot lately on a number of journals on my flist, and I thought this was a particularly epic and educational rant on the subject(not for the faint of heart ;) it is quite the rant). The comments too. Karen and I, and probably everybody else who is or identifies as female has experienced at least some of these and I think it's good for the nice guys out there to understand what women deal with. It's so true that it is background noise, that all the precautions and defensiveness are so normal they're just a part of life and that's messed up. Also true: Don't expect telling a guy you're a lesbian as explanation why you're not interested to work. Once when I was at a bus stop a guy hit on me, and I explained that I had a girlfriend and tried to continue to read my book. All this did was get him to continue pestering me and asking if I would go down on his lady friend who was present, and if not; why what's wrong with her? I shit you not.
I wish I'd known copperwise's dead blank silent stare of shame till he scuttles away trick at the time. Instead, I tried to focus on my book and pretend I couldn't hear him and hoped the bus came soon.
Just so any straight ladies who've ever thought about using lesbian as an out know it's not a good idea. It usually just makes things worse. "I'm engaged," doesn't help either without a big fat diamond ring that Karen and I would both consider a massive waste of money. We shouldn't have to invest that kind of money in being believed when we say "No." I hadn't really thought about it till now, but there's a reason I like to be on the phone using my headset when I'm erranding. It feels safer. Same with walkmen, which I used to use a *lot* when I took the bus. Of course the walkman doesn't always help, nor does the book, but the phone really does. I'm clearly talking to somebody, and so I am left alone, plus the person on the other line knows where I am. Here's a snippet from naamah_darling's rant.
Guys, I realize you are probably not pushy assholes. I totally believe you. Seriously. Nevertheless, this kind of pushy asshole crap is a thing that we run across a lot, so you should probably keep that in mind. It's not that we're judging you based on the worst of other guys' behavior. It's that other guys' behavior has proved to us that when a man we do not know approaches us, we could be in danger of verbal assault or even physical assault whether we accept his advances or not, and we can't fucking tell. We don't know what to expect.
Can you imagine what that would be like? No, we don't all "live in fear." We don't let it "control our lives." But nor can we afford to ignore it. Ever.
If we seem reserved, or if we react negatively to being asked for our number, we are trying to do exactly what we are told we should do: LOOK OUT FOR OURSELVES. We are trying to do the smart thing in a situation that we know could go south on us.
And the thing is, I LOVE talking to guys! Guys are awesome, and I hate that I'll automatically get labeled a man-hater for not being interested. Being in a great relationship with a woman does not mean I hate men. If I'm uncomfortable with somebody, it's not because I'm uncomfortable with their gender or any vast group of people in general. I'm made uncomfortable by that individual person's behavior. And I'm wary of experiencing that behavior again, so I play it safe and keep to myself.
In other news, I've been kinda "whateverz" about the Lich King expansion and the Death Knight class. After reading this though, I'm getting some ideas. I love the idea of a bitter Revantusk Troll Death Knight with Elf issues. And I do need me a male Troll, I just hadn'tt felt inspired on one till now. Partially for reasons related to the above paragraphs, I have been really enjoying playing some male characters in WoW. You get treated different, and it's a nice break. Plus as a Death Knight, you don't have to start in Durotar! YAY. And with looking forward to new dances and hair-dos, the expansion is sounding better and better to me even though I'm a bit burnt out. :) Most of my playing lately is to say hi to the guildies and try and get an Ally toon -or an alt in general- to 70 before the expansion in my spare time. Zufli gets half a lvl, sometimes a whole level a night if I feel like playing.
On a totally unrelated note, as much as I don't like Wal-Mart this mini-freezer looks promising for keeping rodents away from Mom's freezer! ;) Cheapest I've seen! Although it sounds like more fridge than freezer... hmm...
I wish I'd known copperwise's dead blank silent stare of shame till he scuttles away trick at the time. Instead, I tried to focus on my book and pretend I couldn't hear him and hoped the bus came soon.
Just so any straight ladies who've ever thought about using lesbian as an out know it's not a good idea. It usually just makes things worse. "I'm engaged," doesn't help either without a big fat diamond ring that Karen and I would both consider a massive waste of money. We shouldn't have to invest that kind of money in being believed when we say "No." I hadn't really thought about it till now, but there's a reason I like to be on the phone using my headset when I'm erranding. It feels safer. Same with walkmen, which I used to use a *lot* when I took the bus. Of course the walkman doesn't always help, nor does the book, but the phone really does. I'm clearly talking to somebody, and so I am left alone, plus the person on the other line knows where I am. Here's a snippet from naamah_darling's rant.
Guys, I realize you are probably not pushy assholes. I totally believe you. Seriously. Nevertheless, this kind of pushy asshole crap is a thing that we run across a lot, so you should probably keep that in mind. It's not that we're judging you based on the worst of other guys' behavior. It's that other guys' behavior has proved to us that when a man we do not know approaches us, we could be in danger of verbal assault or even physical assault whether we accept his advances or not, and we can't fucking tell. We don't know what to expect.
Can you imagine what that would be like? No, we don't all "live in fear." We don't let it "control our lives." But nor can we afford to ignore it. Ever.
If we seem reserved, or if we react negatively to being asked for our number, we are trying to do exactly what we are told we should do: LOOK OUT FOR OURSELVES. We are trying to do the smart thing in a situation that we know could go south on us.
And the thing is, I LOVE talking to guys! Guys are awesome, and I hate that I'll automatically get labeled a man-hater for not being interested. Being in a great relationship with a woman does not mean I hate men. If I'm uncomfortable with somebody, it's not because I'm uncomfortable with their gender or any vast group of people in general. I'm made uncomfortable by that individual person's behavior. And I'm wary of experiencing that behavior again, so I play it safe and keep to myself.
In other news, I've been kinda "whateverz" about the Lich King expansion and the Death Knight class. After reading this though, I'm getting some ideas. I love the idea of a bitter Revantusk Troll Death Knight with Elf issues. And I do need me a male Troll, I just hadn'tt felt inspired on one till now. Partially for reasons related to the above paragraphs, I have been really enjoying playing some male characters in WoW. You get treated different, and it's a nice break. Plus as a Death Knight, you don't have to start in Durotar! YAY. And with looking forward to new dances and hair-dos, the expansion is sounding better and better to me even though I'm a bit burnt out. :) Most of my playing lately is to say hi to the guildies and try and get an Ally toon -or an alt in general- to 70 before the expansion in my spare time. Zufli gets half a lvl, sometimes a whole level a night if I feel like playing.
On a totally unrelated note, as much as I don't like Wal-Mart this mini-freezer looks promising for keeping rodents away from Mom's freezer! ;) Cheapest I've seen! Although it sounds like more fridge than freezer... hmm...