<3
i love these times. I think that occurences that are expected to be brilliantly happy result in some shit storm that swallowed you up and spit you back out only to leave you nude on some concrete floor. And all you can do is get up and look at your reflection in some oil puddle, reminding you of what a fuck up you are. I love this sunday because i have been reminded every fucking minute of what a bad person i am. Except this time its not by me but my everything and everyone else. I mean i live my every day telling myself "i hate you," "I hate you," i hate me." Everyday. But i love so many people. So i refuse to conform to the notion that i cannot love if i cannot love myself. Its simply not true.
Anyway i love this sunday because i have been confronted head on my others of what a bad person i am. So when im just doing my rituals of reciting my "i hate you's" to my self, i will feel confident that i am not alone on felling what i do.
Today my other told me that i am a bad son and that any day now she will abondon me. She gave me specific instructions as to what to do when this said abondoment is set to take place. She compared my to my brother whom i believe truly has not respect for my mother. That kinda hurt i guess because i pride myself on being incredibly cognizant of my intentions. Whatever.
My sister reminded my of what a fuck up i am by telling me i cannot be help with my descions on the future. In other words there is no future for me. I have literally regressed back to stage one. I have made nothing of the progress i thought i was making personally and academically. I might aswell be a 7th grader. Its okay though because i've always been suicidal except for i have no balls so, suicide would never be an option. Also my problem is, is that im
Anyway i love this sunday because i have been confronted head on my others of what a bad person i am. So when im just doing my rituals of reciting my "i hate you's" to my self, i will feel confident that i am not alone on felling what i do.
Today my other told me that i am a bad son and that any day now she will abondon me. She gave me specific instructions as to what to do when this said abondoment is set to take place. She compared my to my brother whom i believe truly has not respect for my mother. That kinda hurt i guess because i pride myself on being incredibly cognizant of my intentions. Whatever.
My sister reminded my of what a fuck up i am by telling me i cannot be help with my descions on the future. In other words there is no future for me. I have literally regressed back to stage one. I have made nothing of the progress i thought i was making personally and academically. I might aswell be a 7th grader. Its okay though because i've always been suicidal except for i have no balls so, suicide would never be an option. Also my problem is, is that im