(no subject)
gifts are always very nice but instead I would rather give and receive advice ... and be able to follow that advice. things like how to manage money so that I am not trying to feed to people with five bucks all week, or how to be motivated to clean a house containing five girls and one boy, or to show someone how to embrace the little moments like looking outside and seeing the sun shine for the first time in three days. I wish I could give the gift of showing someone you love them and having them accept that, or learning to accept that myself.
there are so many wonderful things about being home at this time that I never realized would happen. seeing old friends that hated me for what I had become and realizing that they really loved me all along. watching my mother remember her own mother and finally noticing their similarities. returning home to find my baby brother becoming a teenager and noticing all the subtle ways he has changed since I have been gone. appreciating my father for the teenager he really is.
there are downfalls to being in austin on christmas, temptation is hard to beat when you are put in familiar surroundings, and I have been clean for almost a month now, the longest period of sobriety I have accomplished in three plus years. being away from the boy who cares about me and knowing that I am leaving him lonely back in florida.
soon I will return home, life will still be hard, but it will also be good. I am at the best place I have been in a long time, living in a place I love with a person I love. I am working at a place I enjoy and spending time with good people. I have learned a lot and grown a lot and realizing that is the best gift I could give myself.
the sun is finally out but not enough to get a tan ... I wish I was back in florida hahaha
there are so many wonderful things about being home at this time that I never realized would happen. seeing old friends that hated me for what I had become and realizing that they really loved me all along. watching my mother remember her own mother and finally noticing their similarities. returning home to find my baby brother becoming a teenager and noticing all the subtle ways he has changed since I have been gone. appreciating my father for the teenager he really is.
there are downfalls to being in austin on christmas, temptation is hard to beat when you are put in familiar surroundings, and I have been clean for almost a month now, the longest period of sobriety I have accomplished in three plus years. being away from the boy who cares about me and knowing that I am leaving him lonely back in florida.
soon I will return home, life will still be hard, but it will also be good. I am at the best place I have been in a long time, living in a place I love with a person I love. I am working at a place I enjoy and spending time with good people. I have learned a lot and grown a lot and realizing that is the best gift I could give myself.
the sun is finally out but not enough to get a tan ... I wish I was back in florida hahaha