myspace again
just thoughts
Current mood: determined
Category: Romance and Relationships
you know i have learned alot of thingsd in the past week since David left me. I have earned that not only am i the ONLY common factor in my failed relationships, but that i have alot of stuff to change. I need to learn to be more patient with people. i need to learn to trust people. i need to learn that just because something isnt going exacxtly how i had planned it out doesnt mean things cant work out. All of this is thanks to my REAL friends. The friends that are always there, the ones who will let me call just to cry when thats what i need to do. Its really sad that in times like this you figure out who your reasl friends are, and sadly they arent who you origionally thought they were. Those of which i am speaking of know who they are. ( well i hope you do) there is ONE in particular. Shes been through alot with me, been there through my problems and i cant tell her how much she means to me. One of the thigns pointed out to me that i learned alittle to late was, as long as i believe in my heart that someone loves me, theres a chance that they do.. Even if it is ony alittle bit. well, i can work with alittle bit. Losing someone you love can realy mess with your head. Thats the point i am now... I am wondering if i am trying to fight for soemthign that is allready gone, never to come back. I keep askingmyself the same questions over and over and to no avail.... I ask myself things like .. "does he still love me" , " does he miss me" , things that i shouldnt be worried about right now. What i should be worried about is maing sdure i do whatever is in my power to be there for him, give him what he needs, which right now is time and space. I knwo it seems easy enough, well i guess for somepeople it jsut isnt, and i am one of those people. I feel as if i am backed into a corner. I want to try and get him back, but i also want him to be happy and it seems as if for him to be happy he has to get the things out of his head that he feels he needs to do. i have had quite a few harsh life lessons this week. Im not sore abut them though,. i am glad that i have learned what i have. Im still very upset about the break up , very sore still. Although, it isnt getting better i am finding ways to fill my time so its a little harder to think about. It doesnt always help, but i have to do something. I have differnt people from evry different angle telling me different things.. He was cheating, he left you for someone else, he jsut didnt love you, he got scared, i did something to push him away. As much as I want to not believe those things, its there haunting me.. It seems that the more you hear something the mrore real it becomes. So i made the mistake of losing my trust in David and putting it wher it shouldnt have been.. Everyone elses words. I have come to my own conclusions based on what i feel, what i believe and what David has said, as much as i dont like some of them . im trusting them. Im trusting what he tells me.. The only bad thing is now, i have the bubble at the end of my throat all the time, wondering about things that shouldnt mattr to me right now. I knwo that i shouldnt bother with these thigns but i still do. i cant ..get them out ofm y head. Im to the point where i am withdrawing from my friends, i am making myself sick. I knwo i am doing it to myself. and theres no excuse for it. But here i am at 146AM still back at square one.. no direction , no purpose, no results. I want answers, i want the truth, I WANT MY LIFE BACK WITH DAVID. maybe i am asking too much of him, maybe too much of myself. i dont know. there isnt much that i can say i do know right about now. I m pathetic, i cry myself to sleep holfing a PIGLET stuffed animal that he gave to me, only because well he gave it to me and it still smells like him. its that sad or what? I knwo it is, you can tell me....In the things that i do know... I love him more than anyone on this planet, (other than my kids), there isnt nything i wouldnt do for him. Id give up everything i have right now for one more day with him. I guess in the end its cazy what love will do to someone. It really is true that you dont know what you have till is gone. so, take my advice, look around you ... look what and who yuo have, try like hell to keep them. Just dont make the same mistakes as me, dont try to hard, dont push for answers that arent gonna change. Dont give them a reaason to run further away, dont take them for granted. I have explained once befor th amount of love i have for this man. There fore i am not gonna do it again. But, tell them how you feel today, you may not have another chance to. On the off hand of that , i am lucky enough that he knows, just a little too late. Its hard to type your feelsing know that with in minutes of posting youll get a comment back that will possibly hurt you,. but i have figured out that getting hurt isnt that bad when you can learn from it. I have.
But in the end.. heres what im left with... Thousadns of incredible memories, a few sadd songs, and a prayer that he comes back. i guess htere isnt anythihn left to say here. Just that where ever he is right now, i hoep he knows i love him. I hope he knows i care., and i pray to god above that soemwhr in his heart theres a place for me.......................................
Current mood: determined
Category: Romance and Relationships
you know i have learned alot of thingsd in the past week since David left me. I have earned that not only am i the ONLY common factor in my failed relationships, but that i have alot of stuff to change. I need to learn to be more patient with people. i need to learn to trust people. i need to learn that just because something isnt going exacxtly how i had planned it out doesnt mean things cant work out. All of this is thanks to my REAL friends. The friends that are always there, the ones who will let me call just to cry when thats what i need to do. Its really sad that in times like this you figure out who your reasl friends are, and sadly they arent who you origionally thought they were. Those of which i am speaking of know who they are. ( well i hope you do) there is ONE in particular. Shes been through alot with me, been there through my problems and i cant tell her how much she means to me. One of the thigns pointed out to me that i learned alittle to late was, as long as i believe in my heart that someone loves me, theres a chance that they do.. Even if it is ony alittle bit. well, i can work with alittle bit. Losing someone you love can realy mess with your head. Thats the point i am now... I am wondering if i am trying to fight for soemthign that is allready gone, never to come back. I keep askingmyself the same questions over and over and to no avail.... I ask myself things like .. "does he still love me" , " does he miss me" , things that i shouldnt be worried about right now. What i should be worried about is maing sdure i do whatever is in my power to be there for him, give him what he needs, which right now is time and space. I knwo it seems easy enough, well i guess for somepeople it jsut isnt, and i am one of those people. I feel as if i am backed into a corner. I want to try and get him back, but i also want him to be happy and it seems as if for him to be happy he has to get the things out of his head that he feels he needs to do. i have had quite a few harsh life lessons this week. Im not sore abut them though,. i am glad that i have learned what i have. Im still very upset about the break up , very sore still. Although, it isnt getting better i am finding ways to fill my time so its a little harder to think about. It doesnt always help, but i have to do something. I have differnt people from evry different angle telling me different things.. He was cheating, he left you for someone else, he jsut didnt love you, he got scared, i did something to push him away. As much as I want to not believe those things, its there haunting me.. It seems that the more you hear something the mrore real it becomes. So i made the mistake of losing my trust in David and putting it wher it shouldnt have been.. Everyone elses words. I have come to my own conclusions based on what i feel, what i believe and what David has said, as much as i dont like some of them . im trusting them. Im trusting what he tells me.. The only bad thing is now, i have the bubble at the end of my throat all the time, wondering about things that shouldnt mattr to me right now. I knwo that i shouldnt bother with these thigns but i still do. i cant ..get them out ofm y head. Im to the point where i am withdrawing from my friends, i am making myself sick. I knwo i am doing it to myself. and theres no excuse for it. But here i am at 146AM still back at square one.. no direction , no purpose, no results. I want answers, i want the truth, I WANT MY LIFE BACK WITH DAVID. maybe i am asking too much of him, maybe too much of myself. i dont know. there isnt much that i can say i do know right about now. I m pathetic, i cry myself to sleep holfing a PIGLET stuffed animal that he gave to me, only because well he gave it to me and it still smells like him. its that sad or what? I knwo it is, you can tell me....In the things that i do know... I love him more than anyone on this planet, (other than my kids), there isnt nything i wouldnt do for him. Id give up everything i have right now for one more day with him. I guess in the end its cazy what love will do to someone. It really is true that you dont know what you have till is gone. so, take my advice, look around you ... look what and who yuo have, try like hell to keep them. Just dont make the same mistakes as me, dont try to hard, dont push for answers that arent gonna change. Dont give them a reaason to run further away, dont take them for granted. I have explained once befor th amount of love i have for this man. There fore i am not gonna do it again. But, tell them how you feel today, you may not have another chance to. On the off hand of that , i am lucky enough that he knows, just a little too late. Its hard to type your feelsing know that with in minutes of posting youll get a comment back that will possibly hurt you,. but i have figured out that getting hurt isnt that bad when you can learn from it. I have.
But in the end.. heres what im left with... Thousadns of incredible memories, a few sadd songs, and a prayer that he comes back. i guess htere isnt anythihn left to say here. Just that where ever he is right now, i hoep he knows i love him. I hope he knows i care., and i pray to god above that soemwhr in his heart theres a place for me.......................................