(no subject)
So Aulee's back in my life and I'm starting to really like him again. I don't know if it's worth breaking up with my boyfriend though. I mean I know I'm upset but I don't want to do things out of impulse. I also don't know if I can really trust Aulee. I mean he seems to have changed so much, besides the whole partying deal and I honestly really want to give it another shot. He's told me some things that I thought I would never hear from his mouth and I do believe him, I'm just worried that if I give in, he'll end up cheating on me and I'll end up feeling a ton of regret for breaking it off with Fabian. I'm really confused. I've already kissed Aulee while I was with Fabian and I feel so dirty and guilty. I feel like a damn slut. Yes, I'm only 17 and I know there's plenty of time for all this bullshit but I'm afraid I'm not going to find anyone as good as Fabian, that and I just don't want to hurt him. He's been through so much this past year. I don't want to add to his pile. But I just feel like I don't make him happy. I feel like I'm here whenever he wants or needs me but when I need him or I want him he doesn't have time for me. I don't know, I don't think that's fair. It's not about one person. I hate being used and that's exactly what I think he's doing. I need to tell him how I feel but like I said I don't want to make him mad...or make him sad and I'm afraid I'll do just that if I do. WHAT DO I DO?
Ah...besides that, I'm supposed to see Aj tomorrow; it's his birthday. He wants to party of course so we'll see what happens. I don't trust him completely so I'm going to ask Aulee and Monique if they want to come.
I still need to turn in my scholarship application for pima. I'm striving for an A this time. Math 086, I got a B. SUCKS WIENER! I just thought I could do better, but hey at least I passed! The school said I can graduate in December so I'm going to work my ass off. I think it'd be kind of cool to graduate early, even if it's only by a couple of months.
I talked to Josh the other night. I miss him so much. I'm ready to fucking walk to his house. But that would be insanity....yes.
I need a drink.
Ah...besides that, I'm supposed to see Aj tomorrow; it's his birthday. He wants to party of course so we'll see what happens. I don't trust him completely so I'm going to ask Aulee and Monique if they want to come.
I still need to turn in my scholarship application for pima. I'm striving for an A this time. Math 086, I got a B. SUCKS WIENER! I just thought I could do better, but hey at least I passed! The school said I can graduate in December so I'm going to work my ass off. I think it'd be kind of cool to graduate early, even if it's only by a couple of months.
I talked to Josh the other night. I miss him so much. I'm ready to fucking walk to his house. But that would be insanity....yes.
I need a drink.