Because my opinion matters the most (Part 2).
Continuing our quick review of superhero comics turned movies, as well as looking at other non-spandex based comics turned to film.
Supergirl:
High points: Short skirt. Peter O'Toole (WHAT?)
Low points: Unwatchable. Poorly acted and produced. She fights a witch?
Grade: D-
The Punisher (Dolph):
High points: Dolph Lungren. Ninjas. Yakuza.
Low points: Lame intro sequence. Stilted action. No skull on shirt.
Grade: C-
The Punisher (Jane):
High points: Awesome on a stupid level, the Punisher blows up John Travolta with a hundred cars so that they look like a firey skull from the sky.
Low points: John Travolta. Punisher really not cranky enough. Suprisingly not as violent as you'd think.
Grade: C-
Justice League New Frontier:
High points: See this review http://mechmuertos.livejournal.com/tag/justice+league:+the+new+frontier
Low points: Could have focussed a smidge more on The Center.
Grade: A
Superman/Doomsday:
High and low points: See review here http://mechmuertos.livejournal.com/tag/superman/doomsday
Grade: C
Steel:
High points: Uh...there's a hot chick in a wheel chair?
Low points: Shaq attacks. Unfaithful to the comic book Steel. Make it stop.
Grade: F
Ultraviolet:
High points: Apparently in the future we'll be fighting with guns AND swords.
Low points: Dull. Unimaginative. Poorly written. Over stylized nonsense.
Grade: D-
Hellboy:
High points: Perlman. Abe. Liz. Clockwork Nazi. Hellboy yelling "BOOM" as he hits a monster.
Low points: Rasputin sucks. Sewer scene in Hellboy is EXACTLY like the sewer scene in Blade 2.
Grade: B
The Crow:
High points: Undead Brandon Lee.
Low points: Dead Brandon Lee.
Grade: B
Catwoman:
High points: When the credits rolled. Halle Berry side boobage.
Low points: Somehow they made something worse than Fantastic Four and Daredevil. This takes an incredible effort on the part of the film makers.
Grade: F
Blade:
High points: First use of wire-fu in a western movie. Action is pre-Matrix. Vampires. Kristofferson saying "I'm gettin' to old for this shit."
Low points: Convoluted "Blood God" plot. "Some mother fucker always tryin' ta ice skate up hill." What the heck does that mean?
Grade: C+
Blade 2:
High points: Blood pack. Vampires that eat vampires. Ass kicking. Deltoro. Last battle with bad guy.
Low points: Kind of an alien rip off in the vampire club. Sewer scene is EXACTLY like the sewer scene in Hellboy.
Grade: B
Blade Trinity:
High points: Patton Oswalt. Death of Whistler. HHH. Ryan Reynolds and vampire dog.
Low points: Uneven directing. Slow. Dracula? Pacing
Grade: D.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2 & 3 do not deserve reviewing!):
High points: Turtles. Ninjas. Raphael. Foot. Shredder. Splinter. Henson puppets. Sam Rockwell. Theaterically released cartoon. Partners N Kryme rap about them.
Low points: It would spawn two more inferior sequels not wroth mentioning.
Grade: B.
Ghost Rider:
High points: I DIDN'T SEE THIS MOVIE!
Low points: I am guessing the entire movie?
Grade: G. Because its worse than an F.
Men in Black (1 and 2 since they are the same movie):
High points: Heads exploding. Space.
Low points: Men in Black. Not funny. Smith and Jones sucked.
Grade: D+
Constantine:
High points: Demons. Exorcisms. Angels. Hot chick.
Low points: Its called HELLBLAZER. Keanu. No England or english accents. Complete change of the story.
Grade: C-
300:
High points: Naked chicks. Violence.
Low points: Naked dudes. Talking.
Grade: B-
Sin City:
High points: Naked chicks. Violence.
Low points: Not enough testicles being ripped out.
Grade: B
V for Vendeta:
High points: There was a guy in a mask.
Low points: A vicious and horrible piece of trash of a film from one of my favorite single comic stories of all time.
Grade: F (yes I am being overly harsh...but it needs to learn its lesson).
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen:
High points: Mr. Hyde. Nautilus.
Low points: No one seemed to know what was going on. The bad guy sucked. Tom Sawyer???
Grade: D-
Road to Perdition:
High points: Hanks plays a very dark character for once. Love the interaction between father and son. Gritty, moody, noirish. Good bad guys.
Low points: No one said the titular line once!
Grade: B
Ghost World:
High points: Scarlet Johanson. Thora Birch. Funny. Odd. A lot like the source material.
Low points: Could have been a tad shorter. Didn't seem to know how to end.
Grade: B
A History of Violence:
High points: Vigo. Violence.
Low points: Cronenberg chooses to leave out the comics one Cronenbergian moment!
Grade: B
30 Days of Night:
High points: Vampires. Violence. Lots of blood. Ending remained the same from comic to film.
Low points: A little slow in the middle. Vampires more weird than scary.
Grade: B
Supergirl:
High points: Short skirt. Peter O'Toole (WHAT?)
Low points: Unwatchable. Poorly acted and produced. She fights a witch?
Grade: D-
The Punisher (Dolph):
High points: Dolph Lungren. Ninjas. Yakuza.
Low points: Lame intro sequence. Stilted action. No skull on shirt.
Grade: C-
The Punisher (Jane):
High points: Awesome on a stupid level, the Punisher blows up John Travolta with a hundred cars so that they look like a firey skull from the sky.
Low points: John Travolta. Punisher really not cranky enough. Suprisingly not as violent as you'd think.
Grade: C-
Justice League New Frontier:
High points: See this review http://mechmuertos.livejournal.com/tag/justice+league:+the+new+frontier
Low points: Could have focussed a smidge more on The Center.
Grade: A
Superman/Doomsday:
High and low points: See review here http://mechmuertos.livejournal.com/tag/superman/doomsday
Grade: C
Steel:
High points: Uh...there's a hot chick in a wheel chair?
Low points: Shaq attacks. Unfaithful to the comic book Steel. Make it stop.
Grade: F
Ultraviolet:
High points: Apparently in the future we'll be fighting with guns AND swords.
Low points: Dull. Unimaginative. Poorly written. Over stylized nonsense.
Grade: D-
Hellboy:
High points: Perlman. Abe. Liz. Clockwork Nazi. Hellboy yelling "BOOM" as he hits a monster.
Low points: Rasputin sucks. Sewer scene in Hellboy is EXACTLY like the sewer scene in Blade 2.
Grade: B
The Crow:
High points: Undead Brandon Lee.
Low points: Dead Brandon Lee.
Grade: B
Catwoman:
High points: When the credits rolled. Halle Berry side boobage.
Low points: Somehow they made something worse than Fantastic Four and Daredevil. This takes an incredible effort on the part of the film makers.
Grade: F
Blade:
High points: First use of wire-fu in a western movie. Action is pre-Matrix. Vampires. Kristofferson saying "I'm gettin' to old for this shit."
Low points: Convoluted "Blood God" plot. "Some mother fucker always tryin' ta ice skate up hill." What the heck does that mean?
Grade: C+
Blade 2:
High points: Blood pack. Vampires that eat vampires. Ass kicking. Deltoro. Last battle with bad guy.
Low points: Kind of an alien rip off in the vampire club. Sewer scene is EXACTLY like the sewer scene in Hellboy.
Grade: B
Blade Trinity:
High points: Patton Oswalt. Death of Whistler. HHH. Ryan Reynolds and vampire dog.
Low points: Uneven directing. Slow. Dracula? Pacing
Grade: D.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2 & 3 do not deserve reviewing!):
High points: Turtles. Ninjas. Raphael. Foot. Shredder. Splinter. Henson puppets. Sam Rockwell. Theaterically released cartoon. Partners N Kryme rap about them.
Low points: It would spawn two more inferior sequels not wroth mentioning.
Grade: B.
Ghost Rider:
High points: I DIDN'T SEE THIS MOVIE!
Low points: I am guessing the entire movie?
Grade: G. Because its worse than an F.
Men in Black (1 and 2 since they are the same movie):
High points: Heads exploding. Space.
Low points: Men in Black. Not funny. Smith and Jones sucked.
Grade: D+
Constantine:
High points: Demons. Exorcisms. Angels. Hot chick.
Low points: Its called HELLBLAZER. Keanu. No England or english accents. Complete change of the story.
Grade: C-
300:
High points: Naked chicks. Violence.
Low points: Naked dudes. Talking.
Grade: B-
Sin City:
High points: Naked chicks. Violence.
Low points: Not enough testicles being ripped out.
Grade: B
V for Vendeta:
High points: There was a guy in a mask.
Low points: A vicious and horrible piece of trash of a film from one of my favorite single comic stories of all time.
Grade: F (yes I am being overly harsh...but it needs to learn its lesson).
League of Extraordinary Gentlemen:
High points: Mr. Hyde. Nautilus.
Low points: No one seemed to know what was going on. The bad guy sucked. Tom Sawyer???
Grade: D-
Road to Perdition:
High points: Hanks plays a very dark character for once. Love the interaction between father and son. Gritty, moody, noirish. Good bad guys.
Low points: No one said the titular line once!
Grade: B
Ghost World:
High points: Scarlet Johanson. Thora Birch. Funny. Odd. A lot like the source material.
Low points: Could have been a tad shorter. Didn't seem to know how to end.
Grade: B
A History of Violence:
High points: Vigo. Violence.
Low points: Cronenberg chooses to leave out the comics one Cronenbergian moment!
Grade: B
30 Days of Night:
High points: Vampires. Violence. Lots of blood. Ending remained the same from comic to film.
Low points: A little slow in the middle. Vampires more weird than scary.
Grade: B