Because my opinion matters the most.
A quick review of all the important superhero comic movies. The good and the bad. Your one stop guide!
Superman:
High Points: Krypton. Fortress of Solitude. Time travel. Musical score. Marlon Brando.
Low Points: Bumbling Ned Beatty. Luthor not bald (till the end).
Grade: B+
Superman 2:
High Points: Zod. Kneeling. Phantom Zone. Kryptonian battle royal.
Low points: Luthor not bald. Inexplicable powers Superman suddenly has in the Fortress.
Grade: A
Superman 3:
High points: Borg like super computer. Evil Superman.
Low points: Richard Pryor. Fake kryptonite. People not trying.
Grade: D.
Superman 4: The Quest For Peace
High points: The rounding up of all nuclear weapons and then throwing them into the sun to make a political statement about the cold war.
Low points: Luthor is not bald. Gayest (not in a good way) super villain ever. Stupid nephew henchman to Lex Luthor. Too much coke on the set.
Grade: D
Superman Returns:
High points: Lex Luthor is bald. Superman saving metropolis. Bullet in eye. New Krypton. Super son. Kryponite used as a knife.
Low points: Why didn't Kumar ever say anything? This is the same plot (a land grab) as the original Superman movie. Lois Lane. Elminating "...and the American way." from iconic description of Superman's beliefs.
Grade: B
Swamp Thing (1&2):
High points: That bad guy from Octopussy is the bad guy in this movie. Swamps.
Low points: Swamp Thing costume. Plot. Acting.
Grade: F
Batman (1989):
High points: The Joker. Gotham City. Batmobile. Batcave. Marketing. Poison gas filled balloons. Musical score and soundtrack. Billy Dee Williams. Batwing.
Low points: Kim Basinger. Why does Batman have love handles? Joker dies.
Grade: A
Batman Returns:
High points: Catwoman costume. Christopher Walken. Bats. Cyborg penguins. Creepy mimes. Batfoil.
Low points: Selina Kyle not a former prostitute or a catburgler. Penguin. Penguin dies. Catwoman dies (kinda). Batman scratching a CD hip-hop style.
Grade: B
Batman Forever:
High points: Sound track. Black light gang. Bat suit at the end.
Low points: Val Kilmer. Tommy Lee Jones. IQ sucking device plot line. Two Face.
Grade: D+
Batman and Robin:
High points:
Low points: Everything. Shame. Humiliation.
Grade: F-
Batman Mask of the Phantasm:
High points: Beautiful. Conroy. Delaney. Hammill. Plot. Script. Art. Home of the future.
Low points: More movies aren't made like this.
Grade: A
Batman Begins:
High points: Perfect cast. Ninjas. Rhas-Al-Ghul. Batman. Bale. Director. Limited use of CG. Gordon. Batcave. Origin story. Did I say ninjas?
Low points: Not five hours long.
Grade: A
Captain America (1991):
High points: Red Skull.
Low points: Captain America. Ned Beatty. Embarassing.
Grade: D
Fantastic Four (Corman produced):
High points: Despite the budget a lot of genuine love went into making this movie. Dr. Doom's costume.
Low points: Script, special FX, the Thing, Moleman, acting.
Grade: C- (yes I am being generous on this one).
Fantastic Four:
High points: Johnny Storm. Jessica Alba in spandex.
Low points: Really? Did you see this thing?
Grade: F
Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer:
High points: Silver Surfer. Human Torch vs Silver Surfer chase. Jessica Alba in spandex.
Low points: Galactus is a fucking cloud. The Thing. Mr. Fantastic looks like me. Reed Richards stretchy dancing...seriously.
Grade: D+
Daredevil:
High points: I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the movie and missed 10 minutes.
Low points: Afleck. King Pin. No ninjas. No Stick. Bullseye had no costume (though he mentioned wanting one!).
Grade: D
Elektra:
High points: Ninjas! Magic Ninjas. Magic ninja battles.
Low points: Elektra. Uneven editing and direction. There were points in the movie where there were no ninjas.
Grade: C-
Spiderman:
High points: Wall crawling. Green Goblin. Spiderman. Fight on bridge. Harry Osborn. Macho Man Randy Savage. Bruce Campbell. J Jonah Jameson. Uncle Ben.
Low points: Maguire. Dunst. Biological webshooters.
Grade: A.
Spiderman 2:
High points: Dr. Octopus. Green Goblin's hidden lab. Car smashing through window. Clock fight. Bruce Campbell. Better than first movie.
Low points: Maguire. Dunst. Everyone but good people know Spiderman's secret identity.
Grade: A
Spiderman 3:
High points: Sandman.
Low points: Venom. Evil Parker jazz piano. Evil parker disco dancing. Toby Maguire's huge face. Dunst's teeth/face. Topher Grace wasted.
Grade: D.
X-Men:
High points: X-men. Mageneto. Toad. Mystique. Jackman.
Low points: Where's Nightcrawler? Storm vs Toad. Sabertooth.
Grade: B
X-Men 2:
High points: Striker. Weapon X base. Lady Shiva. There's Nightcrawler! Bamf. Pyro. A lot more action. Collosus.
Low points: Love story between Iceman and Rogue. No Sentinals.
Grade: B+
X-Men 3:
High points: Beast. Golden Gate Bridge being torn up. Professor X's "death".
Low points: Plot. Where's Nightcrawler? Juggernaut. Sloppy directing. Angel. Sentinal in the Danger Room. A mess.
Grade: D.
Iron Man:
High points: Iron Man. Downey. Origin story. Action. Special FX. Armor. Lab robots. S.H.I.E.L.D. Jarvis.
Low points: No S.H.I.E.L.D. hellicarriers. No Warmachine. No more Iron Man villains.
Grade: B+
The Incredibles:
High points: A fantastic mix of adult and kids humor. It made me like something Craig T. Nelson has done. Beautiful animation. Sound track.
Low points: The Incredibles really ripped off Fantastic Four.
Grade: A.
Hulk:
High points: The Hulk at one point grabs a missle being shot at him, bites off the warhead and spits it back at the chopper that targeted him. Inovative filming technique showing multiple frames at the same time.
Low points: Messed up origin story (nanotech?). Nick Nolte. Fights a bubble at the end. Not enough smashy smashy. Eric Banna is to large to play frail Bruce Banner.
Grade: C+
Man-Thing:
High points: Uhhh...
Low points: Man-Thing is Marvel's ripoff of Swampthing. Man-Thing now a bad guy? Everything.
Grade: F
Superman:
High Points: Krypton. Fortress of Solitude. Time travel. Musical score. Marlon Brando.
Low Points: Bumbling Ned Beatty. Luthor not bald (till the end).
Grade: B+
Superman 2:
High Points: Zod. Kneeling. Phantom Zone. Kryptonian battle royal.
Low points: Luthor not bald. Inexplicable powers Superman suddenly has in the Fortress.
Grade: A
Superman 3:
High points: Borg like super computer. Evil Superman.
Low points: Richard Pryor. Fake kryptonite. People not trying.
Grade: D.
Superman 4: The Quest For Peace
High points: The rounding up of all nuclear weapons and then throwing them into the sun to make a political statement about the cold war.
Low points: Luthor is not bald. Gayest (not in a good way) super villain ever. Stupid nephew henchman to Lex Luthor. Too much coke on the set.
Grade: D
Superman Returns:
High points: Lex Luthor is bald. Superman saving metropolis. Bullet in eye. New Krypton. Super son. Kryponite used as a knife.
Low points: Why didn't Kumar ever say anything? This is the same plot (a land grab) as the original Superman movie. Lois Lane. Elminating "...and the American way." from iconic description of Superman's beliefs.
Grade: B
Swamp Thing (1&2):
High points: That bad guy from Octopussy is the bad guy in this movie. Swamps.
Low points: Swamp Thing costume. Plot. Acting.
Grade: F
Batman (1989):
High points: The Joker. Gotham City. Batmobile. Batcave. Marketing. Poison gas filled balloons. Musical score and soundtrack. Billy Dee Williams. Batwing.
Low points: Kim Basinger. Why does Batman have love handles? Joker dies.
Grade: A
Batman Returns:
High points: Catwoman costume. Christopher Walken. Bats. Cyborg penguins. Creepy mimes. Batfoil.
Low points: Selina Kyle not a former prostitute or a catburgler. Penguin. Penguin dies. Catwoman dies (kinda). Batman scratching a CD hip-hop style.
Grade: B
Batman Forever:
High points: Sound track. Black light gang. Bat suit at the end.
Low points: Val Kilmer. Tommy Lee Jones. IQ sucking device plot line. Two Face.
Grade: D+
Batman and Robin:
High points:
Low points: Everything. Shame. Humiliation.
Grade: F-
Batman Mask of the Phantasm:
High points: Beautiful. Conroy. Delaney. Hammill. Plot. Script. Art. Home of the future.
Low points: More movies aren't made like this.
Grade: A
Batman Begins:
High points: Perfect cast. Ninjas. Rhas-Al-Ghul. Batman. Bale. Director. Limited use of CG. Gordon. Batcave. Origin story. Did I say ninjas?
Low points: Not five hours long.
Grade: A
Captain America (1991):
High points: Red Skull.
Low points: Captain America. Ned Beatty. Embarassing.
Grade: D
Fantastic Four (Corman produced):
High points: Despite the budget a lot of genuine love went into making this movie. Dr. Doom's costume.
Low points: Script, special FX, the Thing, Moleman, acting.
Grade: C- (yes I am being generous on this one).
Fantastic Four:
High points: Johnny Storm. Jessica Alba in spandex.
Low points: Really? Did you see this thing?
Grade: F
Fantastic Four 2: Rise of the Silver Surfer:
High points: Silver Surfer. Human Torch vs Silver Surfer chase. Jessica Alba in spandex.
Low points: Galactus is a fucking cloud. The Thing. Mr. Fantastic looks like me. Reed Richards stretchy dancing...seriously.
Grade: D+
Daredevil:
High points: I had to go to the bathroom in the middle of the movie and missed 10 minutes.
Low points: Afleck. King Pin. No ninjas. No Stick. Bullseye had no costume (though he mentioned wanting one!).
Grade: D
Elektra:
High points: Ninjas! Magic Ninjas. Magic ninja battles.
Low points: Elektra. Uneven editing and direction. There were points in the movie where there were no ninjas.
Grade: C-
Spiderman:
High points: Wall crawling. Green Goblin. Spiderman. Fight on bridge. Harry Osborn. Macho Man Randy Savage. Bruce Campbell. J Jonah Jameson. Uncle Ben.
Low points: Maguire. Dunst. Biological webshooters.
Grade: A.
Spiderman 2:
High points: Dr. Octopus. Green Goblin's hidden lab. Car smashing through window. Clock fight. Bruce Campbell. Better than first movie.
Low points: Maguire. Dunst. Everyone but good people know Spiderman's secret identity.
Grade: A
Spiderman 3:
High points: Sandman.
Low points: Venom. Evil Parker jazz piano. Evil parker disco dancing. Toby Maguire's huge face. Dunst's teeth/face. Topher Grace wasted.
Grade: D.
X-Men:
High points: X-men. Mageneto. Toad. Mystique. Jackman.
Low points: Where's Nightcrawler? Storm vs Toad. Sabertooth.
Grade: B
X-Men 2:
High points: Striker. Weapon X base. Lady Shiva. There's Nightcrawler! Bamf. Pyro. A lot more action. Collosus.
Low points: Love story between Iceman and Rogue. No Sentinals.
Grade: B+
X-Men 3:
High points: Beast. Golden Gate Bridge being torn up. Professor X's "death".
Low points: Plot. Where's Nightcrawler? Juggernaut. Sloppy directing. Angel. Sentinal in the Danger Room. A mess.
Grade: D.
Iron Man:
High points: Iron Man. Downey. Origin story. Action. Special FX. Armor. Lab robots. S.H.I.E.L.D. Jarvis.
Low points: No S.H.I.E.L.D. hellicarriers. No Warmachine. No more Iron Man villains.
Grade: B+
The Incredibles:
High points: A fantastic mix of adult and kids humor. It made me like something Craig T. Nelson has done. Beautiful animation. Sound track.
Low points: The Incredibles really ripped off Fantastic Four.
Grade: A.
Hulk:
High points: The Hulk at one point grabs a missle being shot at him, bites off the warhead and spits it back at the chopper that targeted him. Inovative filming technique showing multiple frames at the same time.
Low points: Messed up origin story (nanotech?). Nick Nolte. Fights a bubble at the end. Not enough smashy smashy. Eric Banna is to large to play frail Bruce Banner.
Grade: C+
Man-Thing:
High points: Uhhh...
Low points: Man-Thing is Marvel's ripoff of Swampthing. Man-Thing now a bad guy? Everything.
Grade: F