(no subject)
A bunch of my friends (and non-friends) reaching their mid-20's must be feeling the same thing, because every once in a while, just as I'm starting to feel like I'm the only one who is a complete emotional mess right now, I hear someone else's story that almost mirrors my own. And though I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, it's almost a relief to know that I'm not the only one who is simply freaking out.
These feelings are coming up partly because I'm away from New York City, where I led a life that was far beyond my own means and acted like a person I just didn't recognize. I think back to who I was before I came to college, and though I've broken away from my character flaws from then (painfully shy, low self-esteem), I feel like I've grown into a whole bunch of new ones. While I've certainly taken strides in my life and my personality, they don't come without fault.
Here is my life right now: I live in Brookline. I work 2 jobs. I'm pretty broke, but I'm surviving. I'm angry at myself for getting a degree in Writing, Literature, and Publishing because that's totally the opposite end of the spectrum compared to what I actually want to do with my life--I want to go into medicine. I'm trying to figure out a way back into school but money is barricading me. I'm involved in a serious long-distance relationship that I don't know if I see working out, and I'm currently taking a few days to figure out if I should end it. I'm at least 4 hours traveling distance away from most of my best friends. I don't really want to go home for Christmas for reasons I don't want to directly talk about right now. I feel like i've been more responsible lately that I ever have been, but fuck, I am REALLY UNHAPPY.
I need a change, but I don't know where to find it.
These feelings are coming up partly because I'm away from New York City, where I led a life that was far beyond my own means and acted like a person I just didn't recognize. I think back to who I was before I came to college, and though I've broken away from my character flaws from then (painfully shy, low self-esteem), I feel like I've grown into a whole bunch of new ones. While I've certainly taken strides in my life and my personality, they don't come without fault.
Here is my life right now: I live in Brookline. I work 2 jobs. I'm pretty broke, but I'm surviving. I'm angry at myself for getting a degree in Writing, Literature, and Publishing because that's totally the opposite end of the spectrum compared to what I actually want to do with my life--I want to go into medicine. I'm trying to figure out a way back into school but money is barricading me. I'm involved in a serious long-distance relationship that I don't know if I see working out, and I'm currently taking a few days to figure out if I should end it. I'm at least 4 hours traveling distance away from most of my best friends. I don't really want to go home for Christmas for reasons I don't want to directly talk about right now. I feel like i've been more responsible lately that I ever have been, but fuck, I am REALLY UNHAPPY.
I need a change, but I don't know where to find it.